What to say to kids when dad is drunk?
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I grew up in an alcoholic home, my parents both drank. They never yelled, abused us, nothing like that, but to echo a few of the other posters here that have said the same thing- it impacted me for life. The resentments I carry are heavy (working on that!). The emotional void, the loneliness, the worry, the confusion, the unpredictability- was seriously life impacting for me and I wouldn't wish it on any child.
Reading here helps me understand- because I never have understood if there is a sober parent in the home, why on earth wouldn't they protect the kids from this life- but I know it's complicated. Doesn't mean I understand completely, but I appreciate the dialogue.
My only advice would be to be as honest as possible, take the above advice. Age appropriate conversations, honest conversations, acknowledgement of their worries, fears (that in my opinion no child should have the burden of), and an outlet for them to talk to people that can help them-other than anyone inside the home.
Reading here helps me understand- because I never have understood if there is a sober parent in the home, why on earth wouldn't they protect the kids from this life- but I know it's complicated. Doesn't mean I understand completely, but I appreciate the dialogue.
My only advice would be to be as honest as possible, take the above advice. Age appropriate conversations, honest conversations, acknowledgement of their worries, fears (that in my opinion no child should have the burden of), and an outlet for them to talk to people that can help them-other than anyone inside the home.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Forward12 
Have you tried to get dad to stop the drinking? I would try to address the problem first, rather than trying to explain it to your kids.
Please. Every person who posts on this forum has tried everything conceivable to "get [insert loved one here] to stop the drinking." If it were that simple, none of us would be here--we'd be off doing normal things with our sober loved ones.
The kids know what's going on. They need mom to acknowledge it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 62
Our kids knew exactly what was going on.
One night my wife asked them if she was an alcoholic and they answered honestly.
She packed a bag and left the house that night to be with a friend.
Paralyzing fear. I didn't sleep that week.
One night my wife asked them if she was an alcoholic and they answered honestly.
She packed a bag and left the house that night to be with a friend.
Paralyzing fear. I didn't sleep that week.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
I grew up with an A mother and I knew. The worst part was when my parents acted like everything was fine, that there was nothing to worry about and that "nothing was wrong with mommy". It's extremely confusing so absolutely tell them the truth. They may start to doubt their internal world if it's being invalidated which can cause dissociation. For the longest time I didn't trust my feelings because I was always told they were wrong.
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