Taken Advantage Of
 

AH comes home two hours later then usual. Dinner is done and I'm doing dishes. He's slurring his speech talking about how his coworker is being taken advantage of. I'm trying not to get in an argument just saying "really" as I'm fuming thinking _I'm the one being taken of advantage of._ Your co-worker is an adult he can take care of himself.
While doing dishes I found some perishable food in a cabinet drawer. I instructed the child. AH stated I couldn't teach them now if I only discovered it now. His logic made no sense. I stated I can educate the children. I wish he was sober so I can talk about being taken advantage of but it probably would do no good.
I'm glad no one got hurt but I almost wish he got a DUI. That sounds really mean. My lawyer states that would be the best scenerio.

The best case scenario would be your walking away before he gets that DUI, loses his license, and expects you to drive him around--not to mention the tens of thousands of dollars that could cost you (insurance increases, attorney's fees, fines, etc.).

hearthealth....at least, you have learned that it is just u seless to talk to a drunk.
It took me quite a while to remember that fact!!

I agree you're being taken advantage of, with him coming home after dinner tanked. I'm glad you're able to come here to vent as talking to him wouldn't get you anywhere.
Don't focus on the little arguments hh, it's the big picture that's driving you crazy. You're doing a great job with your kids, so be proud of yourself.

How could a DUI be the best scenario? Best for who?

Lexie summed it up well. In looking at it now, I can't believe my lawyer that it would be the best scenerio.
I think it would have given me more cause for him to leave the house and for custody of the children. Maybe force a rock bottom.
He fell asleep early and the children and I had a wonderful night. If only I felt strong enough to talk about his binges to him when he's sober.

hh, your husband is abusive. I don't think "talking to him about his binges when he's sober" would do a darned thing except stir up something else for him to be angry about.

Here's the thing--you don't have to wait for him to do something else--something worse--than what he's already done. You have the RIGHT to decide--at any time--that this life is not one that you want for yourself and your kids. You don't need to have a more horrible incident happen. I can virtually guarantee it won't be a "wakeup call" for him, but it might be something that does irreparable harm to you and your kids. Wouldn't it be better to move AWAY from the time bomb BEFORE it explodes?

Fridays are my days with my mother. I bring her to our house and spend time with her and the children. She's dying of colon cancer. I can see her getting weaker, week by week. I really need his support but I don't get it. I know I'm doing this all alone but a divorce with it. I don't have anymore energy for or concentration for. I'm just trying to hold it all together.

I'm very sorry about your mom's illness. I lost my own mom to cancer when I was 31, and I still miss her.

If you feel you can't deal with the logistics of divorce right now, maybe you can use this time to plan a bit for when you're ready to do that.

Thank you and I'm sorry about your loss. She has a wonderful daughter. I am reading and getting stronger. Picked up Lundy Bancroft book Why does he do that. It's really speaking to me.

Hearthealth, both my parents have cancer. My sister lives twenty minutes away from them (I live an hour away) but refuses to pretty much do anything regarding their care and treatment. I spend too much time wishing that my sister would become somebody that she's not.

The final straw for me was when I told her that my mom had threatened to commit suicide (she had decided to cut out her anti-depressant which was prescribed to her once she was diagnosed with cancer because she thought it was making her go to the toilet a little too often - fast forward two weeks later...) by walking into the pool and I had to call in a psych evaluation. My sister said "I'm sorry, but I can't help but start laughing." Her voice was so cold and so detached I literally felt a chill run up my spine. And then something in me just snapped.

I gave myself permission to no longer tolerate her victim mentality. If she took offense over something that I said, I didn't try to fix it. One thing that I do sometimes is replay a conversation I have with my sister, but I swap her with a normal person. It prevents second guessing myself, and it reminds me that if I have to interact with her, I need to walk on eggshells. Since I don't want to walk on eggshells, it's best for me to minimize any interactions I have with her period. So I no longer keep her updated on my parents' status. I DO spend time with her daughters, and just this week, I told them what was going on with their grandparents because she couldn't be bothered to tell them herself.

I hope you grant yourself permission to no longer tolerate his BS so you can concentrate on your mom and your kids. It's draining, and it takes your attention away from what matters most. Be there for your mom, be there for your kids, but in regards to your AH, be aware that any attention you pay towards him is energy that you are flushing down the toilet.

And cancer sucks.

Hi, hearthealth, and welcome. I empathize and sympathize. And kudos to you for taking care of your mom. It's a hard one. Some days there just isn't much left to give to anyone else. I hope you will keep coming back to this site. Lots of support, kindness, and wisdom here. Peace.