Focusing on myself
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Focusing on myself
I get that I am the only one that is responsible for my feelings, happiness, peace and serenity. I try to detach when AH shows his bad traits. I need to identify my own desires. I need to separate out what I think others in my life are voicing or showing. I work on strengthening my life. I realize if I change maybe then AH will change _or not_. It has to be his desire to show me a non- abusive emotional supportive person for a long period of time. I still don't always keep the focus on myself.
I may want to keep things so intact that I focus on minimizing, defending or ignoring traits that I don't want in my life. I give too many chances in the hope of a future healthy relationship while my needs are not recognized or are treated as unimportant by the other person. Is it because I act as if my needs are truly not that important? Why is their life and needs always the priority?
When I'm enjoying an evening as AH is muttering because my priority is not the housework. Then again it's not his priority either. He can just mutter away. He decided to go to bed early. I don't have to react I can choose to enjoy the evening. I guess I'm just thinking out loud more than anything. Progress not perfection.
I may want to keep things so intact that I focus on minimizing, defending or ignoring traits that I don't want in my life. I give too many chances in the hope of a future healthy relationship while my needs are not recognized or are treated as unimportant by the other person. Is it because I act as if my needs are truly not that important? Why is their life and needs always the priority?
When I'm enjoying an evening as AH is muttering because my priority is not the housework. Then again it's not his priority either. He can just mutter away. He decided to go to bed early. I don't have to react I can choose to enjoy the evening. I guess I'm just thinking out loud more than anything. Progress not perfection.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
It's easy to focus on them when we feel their issues are more dire than ours....that's a big ole lie we tell ourselves to get out of dealing with our own crap.
If you can circle back to this every time your thoughts spiral towards him, you'll be in really really great shape. Sometimes I think we subconsciously dodge focusing on ourselves because we know the outcome of that might mean we'll eventually have to take action...and that is really, really difficult.
Eventually when I turned most of my focus to myself, i realized I was in a relationship and living with someone I didn't even have much respect for anymore. Then I had to admit my level of lack of self respect that kept me there. It was hard, and taking action to change it was harder, but I was finally honest with myself! The peace that came after all that makes it worth it...every day!
You are doing just fine.... your wants and needs are very important and I can't wait to see how you take charge and make them your priority!!
I work on strengthening my life.
Eventually when I turned most of my focus to myself, i realized I was in a relationship and living with someone I didn't even have much respect for anymore. Then I had to admit my level of lack of self respect that kept me there. It was hard, and taking action to change it was harder, but I was finally honest with myself! The peace that came after all that makes it worth it...every day!
You are doing just fine.... your wants and needs are very important and I can't wait to see how you take charge and make them your priority!!
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