Be careful what you pray for
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Be careful what you pray for
Hi everyone, I don't know if you remember me, but anyway....My husband is an Alcaholic. Last week he was on a seven day bender and finally the day he sobered up before I got home from work he called the treatment centre to get put on the waiting list. He told me he hit rock bottom and didn't want to be like this anymore. This will be his second time in.
My problem is that the next day my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I know you are all probably thinking what this has to do with the other...but you see...many times I've prayed to God to please just do anything to make my husband stop drinking...ANYTHING!!!! Since this terrible news of my mom, my husband has vowed to be here for me and the kids to help me and my family...then today I find my Grandma is sick. My husband and her are extremely close and he is very upset about this as well and is even more determined to stay sober...I know it is probably my sick "co-dependent" mind playing tricks on me but I think that because the 2 people I love the most in the world(besides my 3 boys) are now faced with life threatening illnesses it was because of my prayers to get my husband to quit drinking. I go to alanon...I know this is crazy thinking...but I just can't shake this feeling....Any words of wisdom will help.
Thanks!
My problem is that the next day my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I know you are all probably thinking what this has to do with the other...but you see...many times I've prayed to God to please just do anything to make my husband stop drinking...ANYTHING!!!! Since this terrible news of my mom, my husband has vowed to be here for me and the kids to help me and my family...then today I find my Grandma is sick. My husband and her are extremely close and he is very upset about this as well and is even more determined to stay sober...I know it is probably my sick "co-dependent" mind playing tricks on me but I think that because the 2 people I love the most in the world(besides my 3 boys) are now faced with life threatening illnesses it was because of my prayers to get my husband to quit drinking. I go to alanon...I know this is crazy thinking...but I just can't shake this feeling....Any words of wisdom will help.
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Teresa...
That would be pretty mean of God and if I believed he'd pull a stunt like that I just wouldn't pray to him anymore.
Seriously, Teresa. You have gotten into the habit in your alcoholic relationship of accepting blame that isn't yours. You're just doing it again. Something bad happened and it must be your fault. It isn't. People without alcoholics in their life get sick, too.
Smoke
That would be pretty mean of God and if I believed he'd pull a stunt like that I just wouldn't pray to him anymore.
Seriously, Teresa. You have gotten into the habit in your alcoholic relationship of accepting blame that isn't yours. You're just doing it again. Something bad happened and it must be your fault. It isn't. People without alcoholics in their life get sick, too.
Smoke
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Thank-you Smoke for your kind words. I know God wouldn't do that either, but what I can't understand is how do I stop blaming myself for everything. I know I have grown a lot in Alanon, but when something like this comes along I realize just how much more I have to grow. It is something that just takes time? Why is it so hard to change? I will keep going back, because I have learned to depend on alanon, and they will be there for me through this trial as well. Thanks again and I'll keep you posted.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Teresa.
Some of us seem to have a "eureka" moment, and some seem to need time for the messages to sink in. Sadly we get brainwashed in our culture by movies, tv and advertising to believe that love should be able to conquer all. It works on the big screen! It works on "Friends!"... when it doesn't work for us, we feel deficient. Somehow, when bad things happen to or are DONE BY people we care about, we think our love should have reversed the event. Keep reminding yourself it's not a movie. Helps me.
Smoke
Some of us seem to have a "eureka" moment, and some seem to need time for the messages to sink in. Sadly we get brainwashed in our culture by movies, tv and advertising to believe that love should be able to conquer all. It works on the big screen! It works on "Friends!"... when it doesn't work for us, we feel deficient. Somehow, when bad things happen to or are DONE BY people we care about, we think our love should have reversed the event. Keep reminding yourself it's not a movie. Helps me.
Smoke
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