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Old 10-09-2016, 02:59 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I've just looked at my parenting order & I see that it runs out when the child turns 16.
Isn't it ironic that the day I learn she is being supplied alcohol by her Dad was on her 16th birthday!
I got caught up with these 2 adults(her Dad & my then best friend) once (10 years ago) & ended up a meth addict! I went to rehab as a result & have been clean ever since.
I have concerns that they are still doing this although I have no proof (word of mouth & all the signs are there from somewhere whose been there).
What could start as a few harmless drinks around meth addicts could end up somewhere completely different.
Also both of them have also smoked a lot of pot so what happens when at this party my just turned 16 year old is passed a joint!
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Old 10-09-2016, 03:32 PM
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OK, well, if the order has no further effect, then I guess there's nothing to prevent you from telling her she can't go. You never know--she might find it a relief to have an excuse to skip this party. I guess her brother still has to go, but hopefully dad would feel that he's still too young to drink.
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Old 10-09-2016, 06:51 PM
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She can choose to go & will feel obliged to go- after all he's making her feel like a "grown up".
My 12 year old daughter doesn't really want to be around drinking teenagers but she has a court order she has to stick too.
However it was the 12 year old that told me about the party & she will probably get blamed & punished like she did last time she talked to me about stuff so she probably won't want to go eventually anyway!
I don't know, I've spent the past few years fighting to keep custody of the children for safety, wound up in debt as a result & then the orders only lasted til 16 so I only had about a year of an order to stick to.
We separated 10 years ago & it's still been 10 years of hell & now that's over his bad parenting is still affecting me & the children!
It never ends
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Old 10-09-2016, 07:17 PM
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Where I live, providing a place for minors to drink is illegal. It doesn't matter if other numbskull parents brought their children over to drink as well. A child may have alcohol supervised by her own parents, not someone else's. Perhaps I'm not understanding. The other parents don't have to be present when their kids are drinking?

I would certainly talk to her about how alcohol and pot lower inhibitions. And also, no one deserves to be raped, but that is exactly how a lot of rapes happen. Expecting drunk, horny, teen boys to stop when she says no: They SHOULD but very often they don't.
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Old 10-09-2016, 11:21 PM
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Originally Posted by velma929 View Post
Where I live, providing a place for minors to drink is illegal. It doesn't matter if other numbskull parents brought their children over to drink as well. A child may have alcohol supervised by her own parents, not someone else's. Perhaps I'm not understanding. The other parents don't have to be present when their kids are drinking?

I would certainly talk to her about how alcohol and pot lower inhibitions. And also, no one deserves to be raped, but that is exactly how a lot of rapes happen. Expecting drunk, horny, teen boys to stop when she says no: They SHOULD but very often they don't.
In my country there is no legal drinking age. The law states you cant buy alcohol unless you are 18. However a parent is allowed to buy their under 18 children alcohol. If others turn up at this party with their own alcohol then they are permitted to drink it. Dumb i know.
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Old 10-10-2016, 11:18 AM
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Gaaaaah. It's hard enough being a teenager and having to deal with the pressure to drink and use from friends - much less from adults who should be helping you navigate it all in as safe a manner as possible. I'm glad you were able to talk with her about it.

Can you talk with both kiddos and let them know that if, at any time, they feel uncomfortable, they can leave? Have them call you - or a trusted third party - to pick them up and bring them home? If she's afraid that having you pick her up will bring on drama from her dad and step-mother, does she have any friends that drive and that you both trust who could be their way to leave the party?
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Old 10-10-2016, 11:23 AM
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Apologies for thinking the 12 y/o was a son--not sure where I got that from.

I think whatever you can do to reduce the pressure is a good idea. I like tu's suggestions, too. Even if it's his parenting time, if the kids are in an uncomfortable situation with the drinking, I think it's your job to rescue them. I can't imagine that a court, under those circumstances, would punish you.
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Old 10-10-2016, 02:05 PM
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Thank you.
I tried to ring their father, no reply (they have caller display)
I've text twice to ask her father if we can have a conversation about the alcohol. No reply.
Funny that cause it's not like he was not around because my youngest rung him yesterday over other stuff.
I had a big chat on the phone to my sis-in-law (exs sister) who knows only to well what her brother is like & has nothing to do with him but who also raised her grandchild well & had similar scenarios when her own son encouraged partys, tattoos & alcohol.
Was good to get some of my pressure out & have some support.
She suggested I try to find out some more about this party ahead of time so at least I have something to go on.
I've asked my daughter to find out more.
Thank you all so much for your help, I really don't have a lot of support.
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Old 11-12-2016, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Rosiepetal View Post
Thank you.
I tried to ring their father, no reply (they have caller display)
I've text twice to ask her father if we can have a conversation about the alcohol. No reply.
Funny that cause it's not like he was not around because my youngest rung him yesterday over other stuff.
I had a big chat on the phone to my sis-in-law (exs sister) who knows only to well what her brother is like & has nothing to do with him but who also raised her grandchild well & had similar scenarios when her own son encouraged partys, tattoos & alcohol.
Was good to get some of my pressure out & have some support.
She suggested I try to find out some more about this party ahead of time so at least I have something to go on.
I've asked my daughter to find out more.
Thank you all so much for your help, I really don't have a lot of support.
The suposed party is still pending and i think it may be in a couple of weeks. My 12 yr old daughter told me yesterday she got a big telling off from her father and he said he couldnt trust her anymore and he will have to find somewhere to put her on night of party.
I feel so sorry for her. What he cant trust her not to talk to me about life?
It's typical narcisist behaviour.
I wish seperated parents would work together to parent. Its never going to happen with us obviously and my daughter gets punished unless she hides stuff from me. its so wrong.
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Old 11-13-2016, 02:30 PM
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Very large earthquake in the night. Very scary but all doing OK.
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Old 11-13-2016, 03:19 PM
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Ooh, yes, heard about that, didn't know where you were. Glad you're safe--stay that way!
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Old 11-13-2016, 03:27 PM
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Thanks Lexie
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