Kw0920

Well...it's been 4 days since he left....it still feels good...and I need to start setting the boundaries around his mom as well. She watches our twins 3 days a week...it's hard when her words sting...when I can see her conflict...I know she would never give up watching the twins...she's had them since they were 8 weeks old...but now I just have to remember while in her company that my choice to take back my life has nothing to do with her...that neither AH or I will get well if we are together....period! I will remain in control of how I pick up the pieces...of where we go from here. It is over for him and I ...I just hope to remain friendly with him as we will both need the support...and for our little ones. They are the ones that need reassurance and guidance through all of this...but boundaries are feeling good...just repeating the word boundaries in my head brings relief in moments when I need them...

ladyscribbler

I actually have a good relationship with my ex's mom now, though that wasn't always the case. When I told her I was leaving she filed a false police report saying I choked her and tried to push her down a flight of stairs while she was holding our son, part of her grand master plan to enable my ex back to being a functioning alcoholic and get custody of our son.

*Spoiler Alert* That plan didn't really work out.

It took me awhile to get over that. But through my own recovery I am able to have compassion for her situation and point of view. It's not easy to be the mother of an alcoholic or addict. I think it's probably one of the hardest things in the world. She has a lot of fear. Fear for her son's future, fear that deep down this is somehow because she failed as a mother, fear that she won't get to have a relationship with her grandchildren. I've encouraged her (OK, probably more like nagged, lol) to check out Al Anon meetings, but she's not ready to do that right now so I leave it alone.

Boundaries are excellent. They are the magical fairy dust that allows us to have a good and cordial relationship. I don't discuss AX with her (even if she brings him up). I limit our conversations to stuff about DS and general miscellany. I make sure they have regular contact (we have quite a distance between us) through phone calls and sending photos and drawings and school papers. It's not perfect, and I'm still somewhat wary of her due to the past, but we make it work pretty well. DS has the benefit of having a good relationship with loving grandparents, they get to visit and stay in contact and I get to be free of anger and resentment, which is pretty great.