6 weeks sober +
 

My RAF has been sober for 6 six weeks.
Things have been going really well.
Our relationship is much better than it once was and we haven't had any sort of argument or fight since his first week of sobriety. That's gotta be a record for us.

I had a glass of wine in front of him last weekend with his little sister for her birthday and he said he had zero temptation. We've been in quite a few situations where he's been offered alcohol and always turns it down by saying "I don't drink." I think saying that instead of "no thank you" gives him a sense of pride and accomplishment.

In the past few weeks I've developed a behaviour that I'm hardly used to, but very much enjoying. I have been living. I no longer feel compelled to spy, investigate or snoop. I feel no anxiety when he's running late and I don't analyze the hell out of every situation to figure out if it will lead to drinking. When he has a bad day, it's his bad day. Not mine. I go out without him all the time now. I don't feel like I'm trapped in this prison where I feel like I need to be so I can control everything. I'm seeing old friends again and going shopping, and even treating myself. I leave my daughter in his care, and he enjoys his time with her and takes great care of her. Losing this stress, is even physically noticeable. I'm feeling better, I've stopped losing my hair and it's finally growing quite nicely (I struggle greatly to grow my hair), and I'm relaxed. People have noticed the changes in me. Especially him.

Drinking came up in one of our conversations about a week ago.
He told me that not drinking has been so easy that he questions if he is even an alcoholic.
I told him that usually an alcoholic is assessed and asked a series of questions regarding how much alcohol affects their lives. Usually by saying it affects one area or more in your life- that's enough reason to stop. You don't necessarily have to be a junkie and drink from morning till night.
I explained to him that I've done quite a bit of reading about alcoholism and read many different theories, stories etc. I explained to him something I read where alcoholism is described as an allergy. When I explained it to him, it made some sense to him. He knows if he has one, his reaction is wanting more and more, but he doesn't crave it or struggle for it now that he's not drinking. He knows just one, could destroy him. I told him that with the stories I've read, no ones story is the same. Some of them have lost everything, some of them are able to hide it, some of them only drink at home while others do it outside of the home. Some are jobless, homeless, and have lost their families, while others have their spouse trying to cope with it or live in denial.
BUT I told him that in every story, someone is suffering. Someone is fighting it whether it's the alcoholic him/herself, the parents, or the spouse, or very sadly... their children. Someone, if not everyone is affected by the drinking and is falling apart to fix it, or eventually comes to the reality that they have to say their goodbyes and walk away. He nodded.

I don't like that he's saying that because it's been so easy, he may not be an alcoholic. I think that being overly confident could give him some troubles in the future.
However, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going back to work in less than two weeks, to a job that will help me afford all of me and my daughter's living expenses, and still be home for dinner every night. My job will no longer have physically demanding, back breaking work so I'll also have the energy to spend quality time with my little one. I'm prepared to do what I need to do if anything happens, and I'm not going to worry about it unless I have to.

My fiance has been doing great. His job has been extremely demanding lately. So many hours that we dont see much of him and he's very unhappy with the company and his superiors... This would normally be prime time for his drinking. But instead he's doing something productive and admirable with it. As soon as the season is over and he's laid off, with my approval and support he's going back to school. He never graduated highschool so he's studying for his GED and going to take a college program in the off season while collecting unemployment so he's contributing to our household. He did a lot of research regarding programs offered in our area, and found something he would enjoy that would work with our family without dumping a load on me. He says his job doesn't make him happy, and is so physically demanding that he wants to find a job that is still in his range of skills and interest, in demand, and allows him to tuck his daughter in every night, and go to bed with me every night. He's also checking to see if he can get it paid for through the government with a program EI offers called "second careers."

Things feel like they're falling into place, and I've been asking my hp to watch over us and give us the strength we need to keep our family headed in this positive direction.

Kissedbyfire.....I know you must feel really good about all of this and his month and half of sobriety.
It is so important that you keep working your program.
He has his sponsor and all the other AA members of AA to "teach" him and to guide him.....

It is possible that he is still on the "pink cloud" of early recovery....whether he is or not...there is nothing you can or should do about it, of course. His recovery is on his side of the street, and yours is o n your side of the street......

You sound much happier......

good report! YOU keep on LIVING, ok?

Thanks guys. I am a lot happier.
He isnt actually in AA or doing a program. I tried to encourage it but he said if he did it, he would only be doing it for me and that's not a good reason to commit to it. After that I left it alone. He has his path, and I have mine.

Well, I know of a few, VERY few, people who are not alcoholic but are clearly headed in that direction, who quit drinking just for their own health and well-being. I would have been smart to do that, but didn't, and I wound up crossing the line eventually.

Not a darned thing wrong with quitting for health reasons. Try not to get too hung up on how he identifies himself. The Big Book is very clear that there is such a thing as heavy-drinker-headed-for-trouble-not-quite-there-but-should-quit. Very few such people do, but there are a few who do.

I'm glad to hear things are going well for you and your family, KBF :)
Enjoy your last days at home with DD before heading back to work!