So Fustrated!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
So Fustrated!!!
Hi,
First, getting the letter from my lawyer, that my AH'S lawyer and my lawyer will attend our pretrial/ scheduling conference by telephone on November 2, due to a conflict on the part of my AH attorney, was so frustrating.
Thanks to all you guys, I understand that this is not such a bad thing, not going to the court date.
I received a letter from my lawyer, that my AH's attorney is motioning the court, that I pay my AH attorney fees, because I am missing a few pieces of documentation she requested.
My attorney send her a letter, stating, she only requested the intial information the end of July. I immediately gave her everything I could get together. My attorney, then told her, I had surgery in August. In the letter, he explained it would be a few more weeks. I have given her everything she requested, other than a few missing documents, that are being mailed. It is just so unfair!!
My lawyer stated to his attorney, that we have requested x4 in writing since last April, for documents from my AH, that he has still not produced any of them.! He hasn't even made an attempt to produce them. Also my attorney asked him to answer a few of the interrogatories, that he refused to answer, like if he every was arrested, and what is his drinking habits, just to name a few.
My lawyer also stated, that we might amend our reason for divorce to a fault divorce.
Again, my lawyer wrote to his lawyer, a nice letter stating we weren't giving him the computer or program he wants. Also, if they don't want mediation, than just say so and we'll move on!
What I want to know? How can his lawyer ask me to pay for his attorney fees, when he is still living in the martial home, won't produce any of his documentation regarding the business we own together and is spending down the marital assets. What is my AH lawyer thinking?? I have nothing! I'm not able to work, living not the lifestyle I was accustom too, and spend all of my mom's small inheritance on him!!
I would think my AH would want this finished!!
Please let me know your thoughts? I hope this makes sense.
It's going on a year. When I think it can't get any worse it does. This shouldn't be so difficult. All I want is what is fair. I want things divided fairly. I was the bread earner in the relationship for all of the marriage.
Thank you for listening.
Z
First, getting the letter from my lawyer, that my AH'S lawyer and my lawyer will attend our pretrial/ scheduling conference by telephone on November 2, due to a conflict on the part of my AH attorney, was so frustrating.
Thanks to all you guys, I understand that this is not such a bad thing, not going to the court date.
I received a letter from my lawyer, that my AH's attorney is motioning the court, that I pay my AH attorney fees, because I am missing a few pieces of documentation she requested.
My attorney send her a letter, stating, she only requested the intial information the end of July. I immediately gave her everything I could get together. My attorney, then told her, I had surgery in August. In the letter, he explained it would be a few more weeks. I have given her everything she requested, other than a few missing documents, that are being mailed. It is just so unfair!!
My lawyer stated to his attorney, that we have requested x4 in writing since last April, for documents from my AH, that he has still not produced any of them.! He hasn't even made an attempt to produce them. Also my attorney asked him to answer a few of the interrogatories, that he refused to answer, like if he every was arrested, and what is his drinking habits, just to name a few.
My lawyer also stated, that we might amend our reason for divorce to a fault divorce.
Again, my lawyer wrote to his lawyer, a nice letter stating we weren't giving him the computer or program he wants. Also, if they don't want mediation, than just say so and we'll move on!
What I want to know? How can his lawyer ask me to pay for his attorney fees, when he is still living in the martial home, won't produce any of his documentation regarding the business we own together and is spending down the marital assets. What is my AH lawyer thinking?? I have nothing! I'm not able to work, living not the lifestyle I was accustom too, and spend all of my mom's small inheritance on him!!
I would think my AH would want this finished!!
Please let me know your thoughts? I hope this makes sense.
It's going on a year. When I think it can't get any worse it does. This shouldn't be so difficult. All I want is what is fair. I want things divided fairly. I was the bread earner in the relationship for all of the marriage.
Thank you for listening.
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
His lawyer can ASK for whatever they want--doesn't mean they will get it.
Just let your lawyer deal with it--that's what you're paying her/him for. It would be nice if you didn't need to see all this back-and-forth, but your lawyer feels, I'm sure, obligated to keep you up to date with what's going on. If it stresses you out too much, you might ask your lawyer to keep you less "in the loop" until/unless something happens you really NEED to know. Your lawyer might feel obligated to do it anyway, but you could decide to simply not think about the goings-on unless something important happens.
Just let your lawyer deal with it--that's what you're paying her/him for. It would be nice if you didn't need to see all this back-and-forth, but your lawyer feels, I'm sure, obligated to keep you up to date with what's going on. If it stresses you out too much, you might ask your lawyer to keep you less "in the loop" until/unless something happens you really NEED to know. Your lawyer might feel obligated to do it anyway, but you could decide to simply not think about the goings-on unless something important happens.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
Thanks for your quick response.
What I want to know is how could an attorney ask for me to pay for his attorney fees? I have nothing. My AH has right now, living in our home, I don't even have access to our home or any of my things. My AH also has the business. I don't even have access to the business account anymore. He opened a new account and is diverting all the money into that account. Pardon the French!! LOL I don't have a pot to p--s in. They won't even answer any of the proposals we've sent to them. Won't give us any of the documentation my lawyer asked for. What does his attorney think she's going to gain by using this tactic? Do you think the court will look at her as being too aggressive, without knowing all the facts. Or maybe she just doesn't care,and is doing this to impress my AH.
My lawyer wouldn't think of asking for attorney fees, even though, financially I have nothing.
Just trying to understand my AH attorney's though process.
Thanks for listening.
Zircon
Thanks for your quick response.
What I want to know is how could an attorney ask for me to pay for his attorney fees? I have nothing. My AH has right now, living in our home, I don't even have access to our home or any of my things. My AH also has the business. I don't even have access to the business account anymore. He opened a new account and is diverting all the money into that account. Pardon the French!! LOL I don't have a pot to p--s in. They won't even answer any of the proposals we've sent to them. Won't give us any of the documentation my lawyer asked for. What does his attorney think she's going to gain by using this tactic? Do you think the court will look at her as being too aggressive, without knowing all the facts. Or maybe she just doesn't care,and is doing this to impress my AH.
My lawyer wouldn't think of asking for attorney fees, even though, financially I have nothing.
Just trying to understand my AH attorney's though process.
Thanks for listening.
Zircon
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Zircon, I am not a lawyer...so, consider my comments as coming from the peanut gallery.......
I think that his lawyer must be considering him. first...not you. He is her client and I would guess that her goal is to get him the very best deal that she can.
Maybe, I am myopic...but, it looks to me like it is up to you to ask for and fight for what you need and want. It looks to me like there is no advantage in being the "nice guy" when it comes to legal stuff.
I think that being "nice guy" may get you some stars in heaven (if that is what you want)...but, it doesn't get you Jack when you are dealing with a self centered, irresponsible person on this Earth......
I'm just spitballing, here...
I think that his lawyer must be considering him. first...not you. He is her client and I would guess that her goal is to get him the very best deal that she can.
Maybe, I am myopic...but, it looks to me like it is up to you to ask for and fight for what you need and want. It looks to me like there is no advantage in being the "nice guy" when it comes to legal stuff.
I think that being "nice guy" may get you some stars in heaven (if that is what you want)...but, it doesn't get you Jack when you are dealing with a self centered, irresponsible person on this Earth......
I'm just spitballing, here...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Either party can ask to have the other pay attorney's fees if they are forced to pay their lawyer to file or respond to something because of the wrongful conduct of the other party. They are claiming they are spending money to get what you should have provided. You apparently provided what you could have/should have, and they are costing YOU money. So you can turn around and demand the same thing.
This is common in any litigation--you aren't being singled out or picked on. If there's no merit to their argument, the court will deny the request (and possibly order them to pay YOUR attorney's fees for dealing with BS).
Breathe. It doesn't do you any good to get all outraged every time they take a ridiculous position.
This is common in any litigation--you aren't being singled out or picked on. If there's no merit to their argument, the court will deny the request (and possibly order them to pay YOUR attorney's fees for dealing with BS).
Breathe. It doesn't do you any good to get all outraged every time they take a ridiculous position.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Exactly! If he is ignoring and not providing things to you, turn the tables around and do the same demanding he pay YOUR attorney's fees for constantly dogging them for information! Can you prove he is diverting funds?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
Yes I can prove it. My AH has not made a cash deposit in the business account since last March. He opened the new business account in March. This account I don't have access too. My lawyer is requesting all the bank statements. We only have gotten March so far, and their are weekly deposits .
Yes I can prove it. My AH has not made a cash deposit in the business account since last March. He opened the new business account in March. This account I don't have access too. My lawyer is requesting all the bank statements. We only have gotten March so far, and their are weekly deposits .
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
My personal opinion is that you can't mediate with someone like him...I'd take the aggressive position that I'm done mediating and we'll see what court brings. I'm glad your lawyer sent a strong letter back--to me it sounds like you're in a good position right now. Start thinking like a general in battle, and look at everything for how it positions your next step. You really need to think that way to be able to get through this with less frustration and a better outcome.
With my friends who've been through it, I've found that mediation takes forever if both parties aren't relatively emotionally healthy. There's simply no deadline. Even if you gave him everything and took nothing, he might still not want to be done...because you'd be free. (In fact, I don't actually know anyone who successfully mediated--most ended up either letting a judge rule, or negotiated through their separate attorneys near the end to avoid a judge decision.)
I used an attorney, and I was prepared to bring it to a judge. Maybe that tenacity and conviction helped us reach a settlement before the court date--but he still drug his feet, even though he was living with his current wife.
With my friends who've been through it, I've found that mediation takes forever if both parties aren't relatively emotionally healthy. There's simply no deadline. Even if you gave him everything and took nothing, he might still not want to be done...because you'd be free. (In fact, I don't actually know anyone who successfully mediated--most ended up either letting a judge rule, or negotiated through their separate attorneys near the end to avoid a judge decision.)
I used an attorney, and I was prepared to bring it to a judge. Maybe that tenacity and conviction helped us reach a settlement before the court date--but he still drug his feet, even though he was living with his current wife.
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