Sotiredofitall

Haven't posted in a while. Hubby was in total denial of his problem. He "didn't" have a problem he couldn't control. This isn't my first rodeo and I have finally learned that I have no say in what he does or doesn't do. I've been close to done a number of times but have been waiting to see if he would have an epiphany . His drinking has been increasing and I've been wondering if this is "the" time that will finally tip the scale. He wasn't drinking at home but mysteriously going to fill up the truck or making errands several times a week. I knew he was drinking away from home but have been leaving him to do what he was going to do. Wouldn't make a difference what I said so I didn't say it.
Last nite he came home and said he needed to talk and asked me to not say anything. Apparently he has been drinking during working hours and his partners are requiring him to get help. His financial allocation is reflecting his inability to perform well. Well, duh? Who does he think isn't aware of this ? He is mortified that the "secret" is out but will this be enough? Who knows. I just know that after 40 years with this man and about 36 years of questioning his drinking, that this go round is on him. He has to figure this out. More will be revealed as time unfolds. I've been building my life and it isn't always revolving around him.

Never dull around here. Good things in life are my wonderful kids, grandkids and a new gson! Counting my blessings as well as my challenges.

Treerat66

Congratulations to you and your gson's parents

Maudcat

You are being very level-headed in your approach, so good. Be interesting, as you say, to see how things go now that he has been outed at work. Will his organization help with rehab, should it come to that?

dandylion

sotiredof itall.....another example of how strong denial is....it causes a person to lie to themselves......

Sotiredofitall

Well, my hubs isn't very happy right now. He was depressed before this all transpired at work (I found out or he let slip that he was told about this at work previously which he hadn't told me) He is going to a counselor I had seen earlier who is an addiction/alcohol specialist and good. Just saw her for the first time yesterday. He isn't wanting to go to AA as they just are in a *worse* place than he is....of course. Not sure that he is going to find the support he needs with just once a week counseling, but at least its a start.
I had pretty much an absentee husband the last few years and if possible, he is even more so now. So glad I have two supportive and understanding daughters who help me not feel I'm alone in this process. I don't know if he has stopped drinking or not as he had been lying to me for the last two years. Its very sad to see someone you have loved coming so low. I know I haven't caused this, but doesn't make it easier to witness. We (daughter's and I ) have watched his memory fade, his physical well being tank, and his confidence get trashed....all for the sake of alcohol. Pretty sad.
He is suicidal or at least talking about it. I've tried to get him to talk to his doctor and I've actually spoken to her (she is mine too) but I'm not privy to what he has actually told her and I'm not sure he would know the truth if it bit him in the rear. Just a really hard time here.