Day dreaming about ex Alcoholic Fiance
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
"Baloney" is an alternative way of spelling "bologna" (which is lunchmeat for sandwiches). Usually when it's spelled "baloney" it means just what you guessed--a lot of B.S., hogwash, something not to be believed.
A little side note--I actually have a cat named "Lexie" (the cat is named after the pseudonym I've used online for years). Anyway, we adopted her from the shelter, and the name they gave her there was "Joanie Baloney." I could hardly make her live with THAT name.
(OTOH, my son named our other kitten "Isis"--after the Egyptian goddess. This was 10 years ago, way before Isis had the unfortunate connotation it has right now. I figure I'm on a number of terrorist watch lists, thank to my son and his creative naming.)
A little side note--I actually have a cat named "Lexie" (the cat is named after the pseudonym I've used online for years). Anyway, we adopted her from the shelter, and the name they gave her there was "Joanie Baloney." I could hardly make her live with THAT name.
(OTOH, my son named our other kitten "Isis"--after the Egyptian goddess. This was 10 years ago, way before Isis had the unfortunate connotation it has right now. I figure I'm on a number of terrorist watch lists, thank to my son and his creative naming.)
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
THANK YOU!!
My progress has been slow but I think its working. Over the last week or so, every time my mind plays games and creates unreal scenarios, I start recalling all those times when he had seizures and how terrified I was. Not particularly a happy thing to recall but it definitely freaks me out every single time.
This forum has seriously been a blessing! Thank you again. I am doing much better.
My progress has been slow but I think its working. Over the last week or so, every time my mind plays games and creates unreal scenarios, I start recalling all those times when he had seizures and how terrified I was. Not particularly a happy thing to recall but it definitely freaks me out every single time.
This forum has seriously been a blessing! Thank you again. I am doing much better.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well, I suppose if it was me fantasising about alcohol or one of my other addictions (as someone from the alcoholic side of the forum) I would be advised by my sponsor to do one of 2 things...
1 - cut the fantasy short by re-creating my step 1 inventory (the list of how alcohol makes my life unmanageable when I succumb to it)
2 - play the tape forward. Instead of staying in the comfortable lovely part of the fantasy, carry straight on with it to what would happen next, and next, and next, n based on previous experience.
Remember how horrible it was. All the horribleness. Every bit of it. Don't buy that fantasy.
1 - cut the fantasy short by re-creating my step 1 inventory (the list of how alcohol makes my life unmanageable when I succumb to it)
2 - play the tape forward. Instead of staying in the comfortable lovely part of the fantasy, carry straight on with it to what would happen next, and next, and next, n based on previous experience.
Remember how horrible it was. All the horribleness. Every bit of it. Don't buy that fantasy.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Glad to hear you're doing better, HFC.
Have you ever thought about picking a new username? Yours focuses on what you want for HIM (and it's not realistic, given that there's no "cure" for alcoholism--just an indefinite reprieve for those who stay sober). How about one that reflects what you want for YOURSELF?
Have you ever thought about picking a new username? Yours focuses on what you want for HIM (and it's not realistic, given that there's no "cure" for alcoholism--just an indefinite reprieve for those who stay sober). How about one that reflects what you want for YOURSELF?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
HFC, quite a few of my ideas of a near-perfect time include (oddly enough for the extreme introvert that I am) being surrounded by family and close friends, too. It's pictures of a quiet winter break, with big, fat snowflakes drifting lazily down outside the windows, hot chocolate, coffee, too many people crowded into the kitchen, laughing and talking as some of us make dinner or cookies. It's pictures of working on one of our houses while kids run in and out and always under foot. It's summers with the extended family commandeering several spaces at our favorite campground, campfire, smores, hiking, kids laughing and running around like wild things.
Those were my ideas of Family (capital F) and my go-to happy places while with AXH. They were what I held on to in order to try to keep me sane in the craziness. They were usually centered around me and him (but since I pretty much orbited him, it really centered around him) surrounded by all of that, and it was so hard to let go of that exact set of pictures.
Can I tell you something? Those pictures still are my idea of Happiness. The only difference now is that the family doesn't revolve around him. They're still my picture of "What I Want." They are, also, now, my sitting back, smiling and thinking "Huh. Look at that. Life is pretty darn good" moments. I never really would have gotten them with AXH.
Those were my ideas of Family (capital F) and my go-to happy places while with AXH. They were what I held on to in order to try to keep me sane in the craziness. They were usually centered around me and him (but since I pretty much orbited him, it really centered around him) surrounded by all of that, and it was so hard to let go of that exact set of pictures.
Can I tell you something? Those pictures still are my idea of Happiness. The only difference now is that the family doesn't revolve around him. They're still my picture of "What I Want." They are, also, now, my sitting back, smiling and thinking "Huh. Look at that. Life is pretty darn good" moments. I never really would have gotten them with AXH.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Glad to hear you're doing better, HFC.
Have you ever thought about picking a new username? Yours focuses on what you want for HIM (and it's not realistic, given that there's no "cure" for alcoholism--just an indefinite reprieve for those who stay sober). How about one that reflects what you want for YOURSELF?
Have you ever thought about picking a new username? Yours focuses on what you want for HIM (and it's not realistic, given that there's no "cure" for alcoholism--just an indefinite reprieve for those who stay sober). How about one that reflects what you want for YOURSELF?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
The only difference now is that the family doesn't revolve around him. They're still my picture of "What I Want." They are, also, now, my sitting back, smiling and thinking "Huh. Look at that. Life is pretty darn good" moments. I never really would have gotten them with AXH.
Last edited by DesertEyes; 10-12-2016 at 02:07 PM. Reason: Fixed broken quote.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by HopingForCure
I agree with you. I was a different person with unrealistic expectations when I first picked this username. I wonder if I can change the username or if I need to create a new account
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Write a list of why you left him. Keep it handy.
My XAH is a master manipulator - he has been super attentive and sweet, created nothing short of a shrine in his new place with our wedding pictures, family pictures, what have you. Paid for my and DS meals and bought groceries.
I say - he makes much better ex husband than husband. And when I start "slipping" - I pull up the list. Works every time.
My XAH is a master manipulator - he has been super attentive and sweet, created nothing short of a shrine in his new place with our wedding pictures, family pictures, what have you. Paid for my and DS meals and bought groceries.
I say - he makes much better ex husband than husband. And when I start "slipping" - I pull up the list. Works every time.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I did the exact thing Nata1980 mentioned: Whenever I felt like contacting him or realized that my wishes for the future were including him, I pulled out what ended up being a hugely long list of horrid events and behavior and read it to myself.
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