I couldn't give him what he wanted
 

I've been doing a lot work staying present in my body and really working out what I am feeling and why. This past week I've been feeling a lot of pain over what I thought was missing the ex and all the things we used to do. I follow through and really put myself in my own shoes at that time and what I felt was... annoyance, disappointment, anger, resentment... I hadn't had fun with the ex in such a long time, at least the last couple years we were together.

He wanted to be with someone who was happy to see him, who fully accepted him warts and all. Makes me sad to realize I wasn't that person. I wasn't happy to see him, I didn't accept him as he was. He tried to change for me but I could tell he wasn't happy, he didn't WANT to change and I didn't want to be that girl that got what she wanted out her guy but he was miserable. Either way it was over between us.

It doesn't matter if he's still drinking or she's an enabler, they're happy with the way things are right now. She is able to give him something I can't and that's ok because giving him what he wanted would have been harmful to me. I don't know why but this realization is helping me a lot right now

"I couldn't give him what he wanted"
I think it is just as important to say to yourself:
"He couldn't give me what I wanted"......

That would be an example f turning negative self talk into positive self talk...

what we say to ourselves is even more important that what others say to us.....

Hi Expanding. Even without addiction and/or abuse couples can just fall out of love, too. (((HUGS)))

Yes! Thank you

I am still so outwardly focused, it's been a hard habit to break. I see the old dynamic still playing out in my thought patterns... I'll get there...

they're happy with the way things are right now

THAT my dear is pure conjecture on your part. you spend a lot of time with these two do you? you speak to them individually about their FEELINGS?

i think you might need to give definition to this HAPPY thing.

and also ACCEPT that some people do not belong together, they come from different puzzle boxes and no matter how turn them or force them, they are NEVER going to fit. and that is ok, it just didn't work out, it just wasn't meant to be a long term thing. i was with my last husband for 14 years....we had some good times, he was always a great guy, but we just weren't long-lived. we split up and moved on, each in our own way.

he didn't FAIL me. i just no longer BELONGED with him. it was time to go.

you didn't fail your ex. it just became apparent that you two were no longer compatible. different wants and needs. and thus you are both now free to seek that which is compatible and conducive to your true happiness.

It's just a matter of time......

Do you really think she's aware of those warts and all?? Everyone is always on their best behavior the first year, no? Heck, I remember the first year I was with my exabf. Living the dream.. So much fun, so in love, the sex was GREAT so on, so on & so on. Fast forward 5 years later.. Miserable, chaotic, constant lying, never any money, needed Viagra to cure the whiskey d@@k, etc,etc,etc....
Unless he by some miracle has been cured you can bet your a@@ she's in for much of the same. Good luck with that! Right?!?
You are on the right track girl. Shake it off and move forward!

HUH? You're sad you aren't more of an enabler? That it upset you to be around a drunk who, I'd guess, was far from a pleasant person? I don't think so.
When a relationship ends we feel lonely, yes, but I hope denial and rationalization don't drive you back to a disastrous situation.

You know, a lot of times when this happens to me, I'm not missing the reality of doing whatever with XAH, I'm missing what I wish it was like. I think I've posted before about how I'd miss him when I was walking the dogs and then remember that the vast majority of dog walks w/him in attendance ended in a fight, him pouting, him storming off home, him ignoring me until I got peeved and called him on it, or some other unpleasant ending.

I never understood how my mom could pretend we had this happy childhood and warm fuzzy family life when it was pretty clear that my stepfather was an abusive ba$tard towards all of us. In the last few years, looking at my denial and the things I've fabricated in my mind regarding my own marriage, I've begun to get it...

Was it really the way you remember it? Or have you borrowed my rose-colored glasses?

I couldn't give me ex what she wanted either.

She wanted to lie, cheat, drink and trash me. AnD she wanted me to act like it's my fault.

So yeah I let her go.

Within 6 months, my hair started growing back, I could sleep again, I could live in peace in my own place.

So I'll leave anyone that does this to me again.