It has been a while...I need support and to take a deep breath
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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It has been a while...I need support and to take a deep breath
Hi everyone,
Sorry it has been so long since I have written. I have been going through a very rough patch in my life ...
I will try to make this short
A month or so ago I was visiting my sister in Maui and we got a call from my step father that my mom was in the hospital and that it was serious...
My mom has had a circulatory condition for a few years that escalated quickly. Within 3 days we were told she may die and to get on a plane to come back to California ( where I live ) My sister lives in Maui.
Anyway we got on an overnight flight and rushed to the hospital where we had to wake up my mom out of an induced coma to tell her they had to amputate both of her legs... above the knee... I am crying just writing this.. That was 3 weeks ago and it has been touch and go. I spent 11 days straight going to the hospital twice a day and eventually had to start working again. My business is busier then ever and the combo of the 2 has me spinning. I know I am codependent for sure and I know it is coming out with my mom right now. I even felt guilty when I shaved my legs one morning because my mom no longer has legs. I feel fragile. During this time my exAB showed back up and took care of me...I let him because I felt lost and strange and a bunch of other feelings. He was really sweet and went grocery shopping for me... cleaned my house... etc etc etc... he had 26 days sober at that point.
Well he is back to drinking today. Called me on his way home from work to tell me that him and his buddy just went to get food and that he had 3 or 4 beers and a shot and was "driving home" and wanted to know if I wanted to chat. I said no and that I was working. It is crazy how numb I am right now because I don't even care. I don't care if he dates someone else... I don't care if he comes home and tells me he never loved me... I don't care if he goes to the bar right now and drinks more.. I just don't care... I feel indifferent to him. I never thought I would feel that way. I don't know if it is because my mom has taken such priority that his drunken highs and lows don't effect me or if he has hurt me so much that there is really not much more he can do to hurt me. He knows I am not drinking at all right now. ( i was never an alcoholic ) but when I go through emotional stuff like this I choose to not drink because I just cry when I do. anyway... I just wanted to share... Some days hit me more than others what has happened to my mom and in turn my family... I feel so so helpless ... I can't even explain to anyone how much this hurts... it makes dealing with my AB seem like a joke to me.... anyway thank you for listening
Sorry it has been so long since I have written. I have been going through a very rough patch in my life ...
I will try to make this short
A month or so ago I was visiting my sister in Maui and we got a call from my step father that my mom was in the hospital and that it was serious...
My mom has had a circulatory condition for a few years that escalated quickly. Within 3 days we were told she may die and to get on a plane to come back to California ( where I live ) My sister lives in Maui.
Anyway we got on an overnight flight and rushed to the hospital where we had to wake up my mom out of an induced coma to tell her they had to amputate both of her legs... above the knee... I am crying just writing this.. That was 3 weeks ago and it has been touch and go. I spent 11 days straight going to the hospital twice a day and eventually had to start working again. My business is busier then ever and the combo of the 2 has me spinning. I know I am codependent for sure and I know it is coming out with my mom right now. I even felt guilty when I shaved my legs one morning because my mom no longer has legs. I feel fragile. During this time my exAB showed back up and took care of me...I let him because I felt lost and strange and a bunch of other feelings. He was really sweet and went grocery shopping for me... cleaned my house... etc etc etc... he had 26 days sober at that point.
Well he is back to drinking today. Called me on his way home from work to tell me that him and his buddy just went to get food and that he had 3 or 4 beers and a shot and was "driving home" and wanted to know if I wanted to chat. I said no and that I was working. It is crazy how numb I am right now because I don't even care. I don't care if he dates someone else... I don't care if he comes home and tells me he never loved me... I don't care if he goes to the bar right now and drinks more.. I just don't care... I feel indifferent to him. I never thought I would feel that way. I don't know if it is because my mom has taken such priority that his drunken highs and lows don't effect me or if he has hurt me so much that there is really not much more he can do to hurt me. He knows I am not drinking at all right now. ( i was never an alcoholic ) but when I go through emotional stuff like this I choose to not drink because I just cry when I do. anyway... I just wanted to share... Some days hit me more than others what has happened to my mom and in turn my family... I feel so so helpless ... I can't even explain to anyone how much this hurts... it makes dealing with my AB seem like a joke to me.... anyway thank you for listening
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom...sending you a huge hug.
As for the AB...hmmm. Call me a cynic but it's interesting how he weaseled back into your life when you were most vulnerable and now he's drinking again like no big deal...oh, and driving and he wants to chat on the phone, too. May the Universe protect everyone who's on the road with him.
Try at least to keep the force field up, okay? You don't need more hurt in your life and that's guaranteed with this guy.
As for the AB...hmmm. Call me a cynic but it's interesting how he weaseled back into your life when you were most vulnerable and now he's drinking again like no big deal...oh, and driving and he wants to chat on the phone, too. May the Universe protect everyone who's on the road with him.
Try at least to keep the force field up, okay? You don't need more hurt in your life and that's guaranteed with this guy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 158
I'm so sorry to read about your mom, Kaya! Big hugs to you both.
As for ab, it seems like you're realizing there are more important things in your life than him, and that is a good thing. Let him deal with his own life, and stick with yours. Please do not question your priorities, you're clearly on the right track. Perhaps it's when we're faced with a crisis that we see which things really matter. Clearly, that's not him.
As for ab, it seems like you're realizing there are more important things in your life than him, and that is a good thing. Let him deal with his own life, and stick with yours. Please do not question your priorities, you're clearly on the right track. Perhaps it's when we're faced with a crisis that we see which things really matter. Clearly, that's not him.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom...sending you a huge hug.
As for the AB...hmmm. Call me a cynic but it's interesting how he weaseled back into your life when you were most vulnerable and now he's drinking again like no big deal...oh, and driving and he wants to chat on the phone, too. May the Universe protect everyone who's on the road with him.
Try at least to keep the force field up, okay? You don't need more hurt in your life and that's guaranteed with this guy.
As for the AB...hmmm. Call me a cynic but it's interesting how he weaseled back into your life when you were most vulnerable and now he's drinking again like no big deal...oh, and driving and he wants to chat on the phone, too. May the Universe protect everyone who's on the road with him.
Try at least to keep the force field up, okay? You don't need more hurt in your life and that's guaranteed with this guy.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Originally Posted by bluelily
I'm so sorry to read about your mom, Kaya! Big hugs to you both.
As for ab, it seems like you're realizing there are more important things in your life than him, and that is a good thing. Let him deal with his own life, and stick with yours. Please do not question your priorities, you're clearly on the right track. Perhaps it's when we're faced with a crisis that we see which things really matter. Clearly, that's not him.
As for ab, it seems like you're realizing there are more important things in your life than him, and that is a good thing. Let him deal with his own life, and stick with yours. Please do not question your priorities, you're clearly on the right track. Perhaps it's when we're faced with a crisis that we see which things really matter. Clearly, that's not him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
sweetie, i am so so sorry to hear about the turn of events for your mom. you all must just be reeling, HER most of all.
and that is where you focus lies. with your mom. so yeah maybe the ex HAS been around and HAS helped, but he is not a concern. he is irrelevant and not worthy of your time or energy. he's like a dripping faucet, which can be dealt with LATER.....right now it just doesn't matter.
and that is where you focus lies. with your mom. so yeah maybe the ex HAS been around and HAS helped, but he is not a concern. he is irrelevant and not worthy of your time or energy. he's like a dripping faucet, which can be dealt with LATER.....right now it just doesn't matter.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
So sorry about your mom and praying for her and you and your family. My mom recently had a very serious health scare too which I posted about. She had a difficult surgery and has colon cancer but for now, is recovering from the surgery.
A health crisis in someone you love throws everything into a different perspective. Your ex's drinking drama is just that and barely a blip on the radar compared to your mom's health. It sounds like she'll recover from the surgery? I pray she does and truly believe God hears and answers prayer.
Yeah you feel so helpless, I know just what you mean, when I saw my mom in the hospital and she had multiple tubes in her and didn't have the strength even to turn over.
It's an awful thing to see and feel. Worse for the sick person, of course, and beyond sad for the ones who love them.
You're not alone and neither is your mom.
A health crisis in someone you love throws everything into a different perspective. Your ex's drinking drama is just that and barely a blip on the radar compared to your mom's health. It sounds like she'll recover from the surgery? I pray she does and truly believe God hears and answers prayer.
Yeah you feel so helpless, I know just what you mean, when I saw my mom in the hospital and she had multiple tubes in her and didn't have the strength even to turn over.
It's an awful thing to see and feel. Worse for the sick person, of course, and beyond sad for the ones who love them. You're not alone and neither is your mom.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Kaya,
So sorry about everything that's been going on. I've had to deal with drunk-partner drama and family-illness drama, though thankfully not at the same time. Your family--especially your mom--need you right now much more than the boyfriend does. Seems to me he's an anchor around your neck. Personally, I'd cut him loose--you have enough to deal with at the moment, and your business is important, too. We all have only so much emotional resources to expend, and if you burn yourself out you will be no good to anyone, including yourself.
Hugs and prayers,
So sorry about everything that's been going on. I've had to deal with drunk-partner drama and family-illness drama, though thankfully not at the same time. Your family--especially your mom--need you right now much more than the boyfriend does. Seems to me he's an anchor around your neck. Personally, I'd cut him loose--you have enough to deal with at the moment, and your business is important, too. We all have only so much emotional resources to expend, and if you burn yourself out you will be no good to anyone, including yourself.
Hugs and prayers,
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,981
Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333
Thank you and I agree in regards to the exAB... I know this isn't a safe bet for most people dealing with Active Alcoholics but I am almost glad I let him back in because he was here long enough for me to realize I am not happy with him and I have started to detach...where as before I would force detachment...not sure if it makes sense. I have also gone to therapy...had a life altering experience with my mother, lost 20 lbs ( I am at my goal weight ) , got a sponsor in alanon and read co dependent no more...so I think all of it combined with just guinuenlly looking at him different did it for me
Losing a parent feels like an entire continent disappearing from the planet!
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