Greenhobbit

First off, I'm relatively new to sobriety myself (some false starts and relapses, but I haven't had anything to drink in almost 3 years now).

I've got two brothers that live with me currently. Brother 'A' has a girlfriend that is super supportive and watches him like a hawk. 'A' is employed with a decent job but still struggles with alcohol from time to time. Attends AA with me sometimes.
I've always heard that you have to get clean for yourself, but i'll support 'A's girlfriend's help, if it means that for the time being he withdraws and starts getting sober for fear of her dumping him. He really wants to stay sober, but has had some slip ups.

The other brother, 'B', has no friends, a low paying job that is not demanding, and is living like a homeless person at our house. I fear that If I hadn't let him come live with me he would be dead. All of use have been super close since we were kids (probably codependency), so my main drive at this point is to get us all not drinking. We are +- 30. 'B' has been asked to keep any alcohol out of the house, but he still hides bottles in the freezer, in his room, etc.

My question: since 'B' is triggering 'A' by keeping alcohol around the house and refusing to change, would it be better off that I ask 'B' to move out? or keep supporting him but give him ultimatums that he may or may not comply to? I am at the stage where going to a bar or having booze around the house doesn't tempt me, but the other brother can't have it out in plain sight.

Again, my worry is that he will spiral out of control, and i've been told my many others that this is not my issue and probably inevitable.

firebolt

Bro B doesn't give a crap about your boundary because you aren't enforcing it.

For your boundary to matter to him, you have to enforce it.

That's a pretty valid concern. And yeah, it's probably going to happen anyway. If anything you are slowing the progression that may lead him to sobriety one day.

Codie or Alcoholic.....things usually have to suck pretty bad before we are willing to change.

You sound like the healthier one between you and bro B....so....sadly, the changing is probably up to you at the moment. And that means doing the opposite of what you've been doing, and enforce your boundary - no booze in your home or hes out.

Bro A's road ahead is his. That's also one where it isn't up to you to make it easy for him. If he want's to get better, and live in a home with out alcohol, he will move out to protect his sobriety.

Hang in there, and congrats on 3 years!! I don't envy your position....but good for you for landing here and looking for help!

Jaeger

Greenhobbit,

Welcome! I agree with others that B's alcohol problems are not yours to control. If A is truly working on his problems, I would without a doubt ask him to move out. My stance with my AS is that I will support him in recovery only.

Stick around and read through the threads! Also, congrats on your recovery. 3 years is awesome!

Jaeger

Greenhobbit

damn. had not thought about it that way. I do worry that I am enabling him by providing a place to live. I don't charge him rent, but I do ask that he does chores, chip in for food, etc.

NYCDoglvr

As a recovering alcoholic, I know we're powerless over other people's disease. We can only not drink one day at a time, there's nothing I can say or do that will affect anyone else's drinking.