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Old 09-19-2016, 12:35 PM
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Seeking advice...

xAH, also a narcissist psycho is at it again...

Showing up 2 of 3 weekends unable to pass breathalyzer, so he has lost driving rights and overnights and has limited to no parenting.

He's making a LOT of veiled "threats" and making my life challenging at best ... telling me he is going to make my life difficult if I plan to seek supervised visits, the local police came to my door at 10 pm last night after an "anonymous" call suggesting they check on the kids well being... The police had NO use for the false call, told me it was a woman who called, stated that and hung up (probably xMIL or his girlfriend)...

He's blustering, posturing, sending group texts blaming me for alienating him and involving his mommy and sister etc....

It's all BS nonsense...

My question is this: lawyer I talked to suggested seeking a temp restraining order to get a week of peace and then would come a final hearing that she believes (me too) I would never win on bc there is no imminent threat to my safety from him that he presents at the moment, but she said at least it would get us in front of a judge to then argue supervised visits etc...

My gut is saying no.

This man THRIVES on court, conflict and making me miss work and causing me distress.

I do not want a hearing, I do not want to give him a court forum to rant and moan and play victim.

I want to stick to him not driving the kids, not having overnights and having his limited time with them... the ownice is on HIM to involve the court if he wants more and THEN I will present all the evidence I have.

I really, truly respect my attorney but I have done well to remain OUT of court with xAH.

Am I missing some benefit to starting the every other week court room drama BS again?

In theory the idea of a restraining order and never having to deal with xAH again is GREAT but in reality, it will be granted temporarily for 10 days, with a final hearing (to prep for) within 30 but as soon as 10 if he asks for it.

Even if he gets supervised visits, it's for a finite period of time, then more hearings to amend things again...

It just seems like it punishes ME more than him to start this process again....

Am I not seeing this right? Am I just making excuses? Am I in denial?

Im rip roaring mad that he's making my life chaotic again and court ='s chaos and means missed work and stress...

I guess until he does something so significant that a court will throw him in jail or he gets arrested, I am not 100% sure it is to my benefit to start the courtroom drama again...

Thoughts?
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Old 09-19-2016, 02:02 PM
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I think if you're able to protect yourself and the kids and enforce what you have in place, I agree--make him file to change something, and then jump out with guns blazing.

If he gets no response other than no visits and can't tell if he's getting to you, it's possible he backs off. It's a lot of WORK to successfully go after you in court...that's not nearly as fun as harassing you.

Unless of course anything elevates. And I know you know to document document document.

Ugh, I'm so sorry!

Can you deal with the continued nonsense? Your attorney may be hoping to spare you the drama, though I agree it seems unlikely to end it (if he insists on giving you drama).
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Old 09-19-2016, 02:06 PM
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Well, given the way your courts handle protection orders, I personally don't see that there is much benefit. IMO, abuse of the court system (false reports, etc.) OUGHT to be treated as something warranting a protection order, but given that you won't get a final order out of it, I'm not sure what the benefit to you would be.

If you need supervised visitation, I'd go through the regular family court process. It doesn't help your credibility to be filing for protection orders you know you aren't going to get.

Just my two cents on the subject.
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Old 09-19-2016, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Praying View Post
I think if you're able to protect yourself and the kids and enforce what you have in place, I agree--make him file to change something, and then jump out with guns blazing.

If he gets no response other than no visits and can't tell if he's getting to you, it's possible he backs off. It's a lot of WORK to successfully go after you in court...that's not nearly as fun as harassing you.

Unless of course anything elevates. And I know you know to document document document.

Ugh, I'm so sorry!

Can you deal with the continued nonsense? Your attorney may be hoping to spare you the drama, though I agree it seems unlikely to end it (if he insists on giving you drama).
I used to think that court was a place to care about and protect kids and abuse sufferers... But my experience is that it is a venue in which narcissists THRIVE.

I think I prefer, crazy as it sounds, to let him hang himself with his own antics rather than try and convince a court to offer help to protect my kids and I.

Sad ass state of affairs in the family courts here...
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Old 09-19-2016, 02:31 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Well, given the way your courts handle protection orders, I personally don't see that there is much benefit. IMO, abuse of the court system (false reports, etc.) OUGHT to be treated as something warranting a protection order, but given that you won't get a final order out of it, I'm not sure what the benefit to you would be.

If you need supervised visitation, I'd go through the regular family court process. It doesn't help your credibility to be filing for protection orders you know you aren't going to get.

Just my two cents on the subject.

The bolded part is my feeling too-- false reports and harassing someone by falsely sending cops to ones house should warrant throwing someone in jail... But here all the cops could offer was to suggest I could try for a Restraining Order if I wanted one. I f'ing hate my state.

I was all set this morning to file a protective order but even if I get one temporarily, all it means is that I have to see him in 10-30 days to argue why it ought to continue and that to me is risky... It gives him the chance to get his smarmy weasel lawyer again who knows his client is a loser but enjoys making money and this one small thing could make me be in court endlessly...

I think I will continue to let him hang himself with his behavior and when and if HE chooses to ask the court to have driving and overnights back, I will come in with all my evidence to show that it's not a good idea...

And in the meantime, if he ever calls to have the police come to my house again, I get the sense from the cops who showed up, that they have had just about enough of his antics too and he will start facing consequences for his games with them too I hope.
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Old 09-19-2016, 08:00 PM
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Old 09-20-2016, 03:14 AM
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Scaredy I also feel he'll eventually shoot himself in the foot with his antics, especially if he goes on drinking. Is the fact that he's failed the breathalyser on record, or is it something you administer and can't prove? It surely won't help him to have so many fails on his record.
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Old 09-22-2016, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat View Post
Scaredy I also feel he'll eventually shoot himself in the foot with his antics, especially if he goes on drinking. Is the fact that he's failed the breathalyser on record, or is it something you administer and can't prove? It surely won't help him to have so many fails on his record.
It's provable. He takes a breathalyzer in the lobby at the local police station. It's recorded on my phone - his taking it and the result.

Even when he's been over the legal limit he's not been arrested there since he's not in the act of driving.

I swear to god the legal system is set up to make it easy for alcoholics to face no consequences.

I know before I even see him if he's been drinking bc the times he fails it he is parked way away from the police station so he can (& does) claim he walked there and there's no recorded proof he was driving.

It's insane the planning on his part that goes into this all
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