lmvalentine

I am an alcoholic addict in recovery since 1/21/15.
Received visit from sons on and off alcoholic addict GF yesterday. He is in jail for beating a man to a pulp. The person is in hospital and might need an eye socket rebuilt...
He has been on a downward spiral for 2 months. My ex is a using AA also. Sons rage and use has been building for years. I will not be attending his initial appearance today in court or bailing him out.
I have enabled him since he was 14. I have a heavy heart and feel responsible for his crappy childhood. His father and I drinking drugging and fighting. Divorcing living together remarrying and divorcing again.
Rationally I know I didn't cause it but I sure as hell didn't help!
I will be going to an al anon meeting at noon for myself.
Also will be trying to communicate and arrange to get his possessions from landlord. They were taken due to eviction and being held illegally for back rent. That will be my only enabling action! He hopefully will need furniture... again someday.
Unfortunately I have the same landlord who gosssips with my XAH.
Since my lease was up in May I have been looking and hope to find a more comfortable living situation soon.
What a Monday this will be!
I am praying this is his bottom.

Seren

Hello valentine,

Congratulations on your sober time!! I am so sorry to hear about your son, but your actions in getting sober and not enabling him will, I think, be the best for him in the long run. Hopefully, your sobriety and new life will be an example for him to follow--once he decides that enough is enough.

Please take good are! Sending prayers and strength for your day today!!

Bekindalways

Irk ImV. This sounds super tough. At least when he is locked up, he can't do more damage to others or himself. May this be a good thing for him.

I hope you find Alanon helpful. The author, Melody Beattie, of Codependent No More, was a "Double Winner" too.

May battalions of angels dive-bomb you and your family!

MAYA1

I think it would help to apologize for hurting him when he was child. It would be good to acknowledge that it was not normal. To acknowledge mistake was Don. To be there for him to talk about the pain he must have gone through as a child might be good start for him and you. Not talking about enabling (he must sort his own addict). But definitely he is very hurt and as a parent, you should try help him since you seem to be in a good place.

firebolt

COngrats on your sober time, and hang in there mama.

Keep being a living example to him, and please, please take care of YOU...

Glad you are getting to a meeting today - keep going back!

NYCDoglvr

Nothing is more difficult in letting go of an active alcoholic; all we can do is pray. I hope you get all the support you need in this difficult time. Alanon saved my sanity when I had to let go. A big hug.

lmvalentine

Thank you all for the good thoughts and prayers.
Yes MAYA1 I have spoke to him and tried to make amends. I will keep communicating with him. I pray I can help him.
I am calling a man from AA that volunteers at the jail. It can't be forced but maybe a seed will be planted. There is always hope.
Court on more serious charge postponed until this morning.
Court on possession of pot from last month done yesterday.
Larger fine and a few days in jail so far.
Thank God for Al Anon!
I am moving forward with rental application. I was blessed to find a wonderful house for the same money I'm paying now.
I hope my landlord can keep to MY business and not sons if called for verification.

Thank you all again.

lmvalentine

Son is out and staying with his work partner who doesn't allow booze in the home. Or by now he could be back with the AG.

He wants to get anger management and IOP started voluntarily.
That would be awesome but I'm afraid the urge will fade.

I did talk to him very honestly about all the past and present experiences with
family alcoholism and addiction. I made a verbal amends to him in
the past.

I'm grateful to be in recovery and be an example. I pray to stay this way and for him to experience it also.

Still waiting on word about rental application. This place has bad mojo!

His A father texted him. Of course it's a bit hard to receive a text in jail!
Then XAH called my daughter with questions and lies.
Then I being a good co dependent A start thinking and hashing over the past.
What a tangled web!
Thank God for Al Anon, AA, journaling, yoga and SR.

CAPTAINZING2000

No one would bail me out the last drunk I had.
I called my lawyer and his firm put up my bail.
That was my bottom.
Praying for you and family