Why do I need to check?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Hi Maude. Big hugs to you!
I definitely relate with this post. I was obsessive about checking all his spots. Even when I knew without a doubt he had been drinking, I would waste my time doing that, and I would pour out the rest of the bottle if there was any left, or dilute it... or drink it myself sometimes...
He hasn't been in my home for nine months now... and I *still* occasionally find myself looking in his hiding spots in the garage.... (I guess I still have a lot of my own recovery work to do
)
Other times, when he wasn't quite as obviously drunk, but I still knew... and he was trying to hide it from me... I felt, like you said, a sense of triumph when I called him out on it. I knew it would have been better for me to just let it go, but I could not stand him feeling like he could pull the wool over my eyes!
"You're not that tricky... I know you better than you think I do... Haha!"
It did me no good. It just made him angry.
I definitely relate with this post. I was obsessive about checking all his spots. Even when I knew without a doubt he had been drinking, I would waste my time doing that, and I would pour out the rest of the bottle if there was any left, or dilute it... or drink it myself sometimes...
He hasn't been in my home for nine months now... and I *still* occasionally find myself looking in his hiding spots in the garage.... (I guess I still have a lot of my own recovery work to do
)Other times, when he wasn't quite as obviously drunk, but I still knew... and he was trying to hide it from me... I felt, like you said, a sense of triumph when I called him out on it. I knew it would have been better for me to just let it go, but I could not stand him feeling like he could pull the wool over my eyes!
"You're not that tricky... I know you better than you think I do... Haha!"
It did me no good. It just made him angry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
their drinking THREATENS our sense of security and sanity.
Did you read about the meteorologists who were trapped for two weeks in the Arctic by a "swarm" of polar bears?? you can dang sure bet THEY were checking every window, door, possible moving shape in the vast whiteness. They were under siege by a VERY credible threat.
Addiction is no different. IN fact if it could take the shape of a life form, it would make polar bears look like kittens. and so we learn to be on guard, knowing a credible threat is lurking about. we monitor the bank accounts, we look under the seat of the car before we drive, we check pockets, we observe eyes, we listen for slurring, or crashing and banging. and in our yearning to chase addiction away, we become addicted to the chase. it consumes us.
in our recovery we have to teach ourselves to change OUR habits....and habits die hard!! we let go of survival skills in favor of living skills.....WHEN it is safe to do so. we don't sunbathe in the middle of the polar bear swarm!!!
Did you read about the meteorologists who were trapped for two weeks in the Arctic by a "swarm" of polar bears?? you can dang sure bet THEY were checking every window, door, possible moving shape in the vast whiteness. They were under siege by a VERY credible threat.
Addiction is no different. IN fact if it could take the shape of a life form, it would make polar bears look like kittens. and so we learn to be on guard, knowing a credible threat is lurking about. we monitor the bank accounts, we look under the seat of the car before we drive, we check pockets, we observe eyes, we listen for slurring, or crashing and banging. and in our yearning to chase addiction away, we become addicted to the chase. it consumes us.
in our recovery we have to teach ourselves to change OUR habits....and habits die hard!! we let go of survival skills in favor of living skills.....WHEN it is safe to do so. we don't sunbathe in the middle of the polar bear swarm!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 20
I understand. I remember the first time I found an empty vodka bottle. It was hidden behind paint cans in his tool room. I actually thought "what is this doing here? He doesn't drink vodka". Since that day, I've probably found 50+ empty bottles, maybe even double that. I've lost count.
Here was our dance... I'd ask, he'd lie. I'd ask again, and I'm sure this will surprise everyone, he'd lie again. It was a nice little two step.
By the end, he was replacing water in water bottles with vodka.
I know that the more I asked, the more he lied. But I couldn't help myself. Now I have no one to ask. I kind of feel lost. It was it's own type of addiction. To prove I was right, even though we both already knew I was right. He is out on his own now, and most likely not hiding. And I continue to find bottles. I guess I found my proof.
Here was our dance... I'd ask, he'd lie. I'd ask again, and I'm sure this will surprise everyone, he'd lie again. It was a nice little two step.
By the end, he was replacing water in water bottles with vodka.
I know that the more I asked, the more he lied. But I couldn't help myself. Now I have no one to ask. I kind of feel lost. It was it's own type of addiction. To prove I was right, even though we both already knew I was right. He is out on his own now, and most likely not hiding. And I continue to find bottles. I guess I found my proof.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
