It's Almost Comical
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
It's Almost Comical
It is almost comical. My xAbf let my sister in law know that I have had him trapped for the last ten years of our relationship. I trapped him by having a son with him apparently. And there is a dog involved too.
I mean, moving time is approaching. I turned in my 30 day notice and signed my lease at my new place. I get to move in on 10/14/2016. (YAY!!) So, I mean a man that was trapped and was finally being given freedom from this torment that I have been putting him through ought to be happy, right? He gets to leave the house where he has paid virtually no bills, gets free access to wi-fi, food, and a comfortable chair from which to navigate his video games while drinking beer. His new place will be sooo much better. The only difference is it won't be in his name and his new roommate (I assume) will actually make him pay his way.
I don't know why it struck me with such hilarity. Me, trapping him. The man who has never even supported the son 'he loves SOOOO much'. It really is crazy, not funny.
I cannot wait to start packing. I didn't even deep clean the house this weekend because I cannot stand the thought of cleaning up after him anymore, making a house nice in appearance for someone who clearly doesn't give a CRAP about anything. I do not know why it took me soooo dang long to figure this all out. I read on SR, that people just keep longing for the 'dream' or 'vision' of a person. I have let that dream go. Reality is a real eye opener.
I mean, moving time is approaching. I turned in my 30 day notice and signed my lease at my new place. I get to move in on 10/14/2016. (YAY!!) So, I mean a man that was trapped and was finally being given freedom from this torment that I have been putting him through ought to be happy, right? He gets to leave the house where he has paid virtually no bills, gets free access to wi-fi, food, and a comfortable chair from which to navigate his video games while drinking beer. His new place will be sooo much better. The only difference is it won't be in his name and his new roommate (I assume) will actually make him pay his way.
I don't know why it struck me with such hilarity. Me, trapping him. The man who has never even supported the son 'he loves SOOOO much'. It really is crazy, not funny.
I cannot wait to start packing. I didn't even deep clean the house this weekend because I cannot stand the thought of cleaning up after him anymore, making a house nice in appearance for someone who clearly doesn't give a CRAP about anything. I do not know why it took me soooo dang long to figure this all out. I read on SR, that people just keep longing for the 'dream' or 'vision' of a person. I have let that dream go. Reality is a real eye opener.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,998
Sigh . . . . reality. . . I have garnered a D- in reality on multiple occasions.
Congrats on waking up from the dream may your new understanding lead you to a wonderful new life.
. . . and yep, I found a bit of comedy in your XA's comments. Once the pain subsides there is certainly more than a bit of hilarity in the quacking.
Congrats on waking up from the dream may your new understanding lead you to a wonderful new life.
. . . and yep, I found a bit of comedy in your XA's comments. Once the pain subsides there is certainly more than a bit of hilarity in the quacking.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Congratulations on your freedom!
Truth is - ex A probably felt trapped, but he will realize soon enough that he is trapped inside his alcoholism and unhealthy thinking patterns that come with it.
Similar story here - had everything, did not even have to contribute much (shame on me and my low standards), kept whining that his life is awful, relapsed, was promptly set free to pursue life of his dreams. Still
miserable, calls every day, has nothing to say. "Loves his son very much", sees him once a month.
Makes me sad. My mom is getting on my nerves about "how easy it is for XAH now without responsibilities and that I need to make him play more role in DS's life". I love my mom but she is a silly woman. Plus, I would not want to trade places with him, never ever ever.
Truth is - ex A probably felt trapped, but he will realize soon enough that he is trapped inside his alcoholism and unhealthy thinking patterns that come with it.
Similar story here - had everything, did not even have to contribute much (shame on me and my low standards), kept whining that his life is awful, relapsed, was promptly set free to pursue life of his dreams. Still
miserable, calls every day, has nothing to say. "Loves his son very much", sees him once a month.
Makes me sad. My mom is getting on my nerves about "how easy it is for XAH now without responsibilities and that I need to make him play more role in DS's life". I love my mom but she is a silly woman. Plus, I would not want to trade places with him, never ever ever.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
The mover came last night to give me an estimate. Since then, the xAbf is being passive aggressive. I think he thought I was bluffing? He is supposed to have a place lined up for this weekend. I am silently praying that he goes quickly into the night. I don't want to live with him another month. I can barely stand talking to him and looking at him everyday.
I notice that he talks to my sister in law so much differently than to me. His tone, the topic of conversation, everything is different. It has always been like this. I am so glad that I have let go caring. It used to offend me and put me off balance. I am glad he gets to move on with his life and find someone who makes him happy. I just cannot wait to move on. I don't get why he isn't moving out faster??? If I am soooo horrible, then WHY O WHY will he not just move the hell on and leave me in peace.
I notice that he talks to my sister in law so much differently than to me. His tone, the topic of conversation, everything is different. It has always been like this. I am so glad that I have let go caring. It used to offend me and put me off balance. I am glad he gets to move on with his life and find someone who makes him happy. I just cannot wait to move on. I don't get why he isn't moving out faster??? If I am soooo horrible, then WHY O WHY will he not just move the hell on and leave me in peace.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
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I'm sorry that he's not moving faster, Letitend. I kind of suspect that he's beginning to realize, on some level, that he's been getting a free pass on a lot of things grown-ups typically should do (paying rent, bills, helping to take care of his son) and that probably accounts for some of his heel-dragging. Honestly, I wouldn't hold my breath for the next roommate making him pay his own way. He might just find a way to keep on getting out of it.
AXH couch-surfed with friends for well over a year after I left him. And one of the versions of the story he'd tell friends about me moving out sounds a lot like what your xABF is telling your SIL, "I'm free. I'm finally single. Man, you wouldn't believe what a nag TU turned into." The story had extensive and repetitive use of "I'm free." He'd then tag on a side-story about how I'm such a money-grubbing b** to explain why he couldn't afford to pull his own weight. Come to think of it, he carried on that story with the girl he moved in with after couch-surfing. And is probably still using it with the current one.
Any way, I don't really have to hear about it any more, and am hoping that 10/14 will arrive quickly for you.
AXH couch-surfed with friends for well over a year after I left him. And one of the versions of the story he'd tell friends about me moving out sounds a lot like what your xABF is telling your SIL, "I'm free. I'm finally single. Man, you wouldn't believe what a nag TU turned into." The story had extensive and repetitive use of "I'm free." He'd then tag on a side-story about how I'm such a money-grubbing b** to explain why he couldn't afford to pull his own weight. Come to think of it, he carried on that story with the girl he moved in with after couch-surfing. And is probably still using it with the current one.
Any way, I don't really have to hear about it any more, and am hoping that 10/14 will arrive quickly for you.
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