Text from alcoholic ex
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
That's a great idea and will get rid of my guilt. Thank you for that
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
You can't swing a cat without hitting some ad, or documentary, or website about how to get help for a drug or alcohol problem. He doesn't NEED you.
Look, if it helps relieve your (unwarranted) guilt, send him one last email with the subject line "Save this email"
Tell him you don't want to hear from him again. Tell him you are blocking his number, texts, and email address.
Tell him you do care what happens to him, so JUST IN CASE he decides he wants help with his alcohol problem, here's where he can find help. List AA (and any other recovery programs you know of), detoxes, rehabs, etc., and tell him if he decides to quit drinking it should be medically supervised, and if he ever has scary symptoms to call the ER, and list that number.
Seriously. I left my second husband when he went back to drinking after a near-death episode of kidney/liver failure (he recovered and was diagnosed with EARLY cirrhosis, and he would be fine if he never drank again). I realized I had done everything in MY power to help him, and at that point I placed him in the hands of his OWN Higher Power. I don't feel I abandoned him--I saved myself and turned him over to something much more powerful than I am.
This sort of nonsense can go on for years and years. It isn't "worth it" when he can find the help he needs very easily, without your assistance.
Look, if it helps relieve your (unwarranted) guilt, send him one last email with the subject line "Save this email"
Tell him you don't want to hear from him again. Tell him you are blocking his number, texts, and email address.
Tell him you do care what happens to him, so JUST IN CASE he decides he wants help with his alcohol problem, here's where he can find help. List AA (and any other recovery programs you know of), detoxes, rehabs, etc., and tell him if he decides to quit drinking it should be medically supervised, and if he ever has scary symptoms to call the ER, and list that number.
Seriously. I left my second husband when he went back to drinking after a near-death episode of kidney/liver failure (he recovered and was diagnosed with EARLY cirrhosis, and he would be fine if he never drank again). I realized I had done everything in MY power to help him, and at that point I placed him in the hands of his OWN Higher Power. I don't feel I abandoned him--I saved myself and turned him over to something much more powerful than I am.
This sort of nonsense can go on for years and years. It isn't "worth it" when he can find the help he needs very easily, without your assistance.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
Thank you everyone. I feel better about blocking him for good now. I think I have accepted this is not what I want and I've done everything I could and more than I should. I know I haven't been here for a while but I wanted to thank you for helping me through the initial crisis two years ago (some of your names are familiar) and now
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by charis78
I've wanted to block his number but I'm afraid that if he reaches out to me for help I will miss it.
This is where your struggle is. But the bottom line is... its not your struggle.
Glad you blocked him.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: London
Posts: 512
Oh charis, you darling girl, my heart goes out to you. Please block this terrible abusive man, walk away and never look back, YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE. I know it's hard to let go of someone you love but trust me, there will be someone out there for you who will love you in the way you deserve to be loved. You seem like a lovely kind generous soul, please let him go. Big hug Elle
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
doesnt matter how much anyone thought they could help or save me.
NO ONE was powerful enough to help me do something i didnt want to do myself.
even IF i wanted help, NO ONE was powerful enough to help me. it was MY responsability to help myself.
ya know that being responsable and accountable thing adults do?
i wasnt a responsable,accountable adult.
like most practicing alcoholics.
sooooo....charis, i think you should go look at yerself in the mirror and say something like," i love myself today and am going to show it by not taking responsability for someone elses actions."
do it every time youre near a mirror.
NO ONE was powerful enough to help me do something i didnt want to do myself.
even IF i wanted help, NO ONE was powerful enough to help me. it was MY responsability to help myself.
ya know that being responsable and accountable thing adults do?
i wasnt a responsable,accountable adult.
like most practicing alcoholics.
sooooo....charis, i think you should go look at yerself in the mirror and say something like," i love myself today and am going to show it by not taking responsability for someone elses actions."
do it every time youre near a mirror.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by tomsteve
doesnt matter how much anyone thought they could help or save me.
NO ONE was powerful enough to help me do something i didnt want to do myself.
even IF i wanted help, NO ONE was powerful enough to help me. it was MY responsability to help myself.
ya know that being responsable and accountable thing adults do?
i wasnt a responsable,accountable adult.
like most practicing alcoholics.
sooooo....charis, i think you should go look at yerself in the mirror and say something like," i love myself today and am going to show it by not taking responsability for someone elses actions."
do it every time youre near a mirror.
NO ONE was powerful enough to help me do something i didnt want to do myself.
even IF i wanted help, NO ONE was powerful enough to help me. it was MY responsability to help myself.
ya know that being responsable and accountable thing adults do?
i wasnt a responsable,accountable adult.
like most practicing alcoholics.
sooooo....charis, i think you should go look at yerself in the mirror and say something like," i love myself today and am going to show it by not taking responsability for someone elses actions."
do it every time youre near a mirror.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 1
Drunk texts
I totally sympathize with you, I see this was in 2016 so I hope a positive turn has occurred! I know exactly how it feels to love someone very deeply, for no apparent reason, it doesn't make sense-the way they're treating you- and you can't seem to let them go. And it's a nightmare when the alcoholic uses your love for them to manipulate you to maybe see them again/give them your energy and attention/maybe be intimate- and then turn around and stab you again right in the back.
It is very hard emotionally to detach from somebody you developed a strong connection with (maybe in the beginning) and to see their behavior and alcoholic personality become worse over the months/years. I am in a similar situation now where we ended things 2 years ago, at first because he needed to focus on himself and his recovery, but morphed into "he wasn't happy with me, wanted to sleep w other people, wanted to be 'free,' didn't really love me, etc." I thought our "beautiful love" ended because of addiction but the story soon turned around and I was just never good enough. He was impulsive, he'd charm me to come over then tell me he slept with another girl. Everytime I break ties and let. it. gooo. He comes RUNNING after me, MAD. Like how are you over me? Now I want you, come over. A series of drunk texts. Calls, confessing his "true feelings" when he later denies the next day saying he "doesn't remember." It's a game. And it's always the same. It's heart breaking. I am just so tired of this cycle, of this treatment. I look back and wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't been attached to him and all the chaos for 4 years.. there was a love. And it was otherworldly, passionate, warm and now nostalgic. It lives on but we have changed. It is out of our control. We (the partners) can live on knowing what we deserve and detaching from these narcissistic people who are, honestly, hurting. They are hurting. :/
And with the whole co-dependent thing- I know why everyone brings it up and it is something to address. But it's not just "we're trying to SAVE this person" or we're "looking for someone to save." In what I presume are a lot of cases, we do little things to help them be more stable/grounded so that we can have better times with them. Weve had good times,, we've developed deep feelings,, but things escalate, they get worse, and then we feel helpless.. we identify there's nothing we can do. It's not about us. We get that. But what SUCKS is that we LOVE this person. We have fond memories with this person. We SAW them as our future husband, maybe.. and we just wanted to keep it alive. So we tried helping. Thats how it starts. I always say, IT'S NOT THAT I WANTED TO PLAY THAT ROLE, TO CONSTANTLY BE HELPING THEM, TO BE SEEN AS 'THEIR MOTHER' ETC. I did it because I was trying to help them out of it, I put up with it for a little while. I tried my best. It's not like I WANTED to play that role. I wanted to have fun, to be treated, taken out, adored.. Later you see this ended up not being the right relationship for you. You realize your needs. It's just (truly) letting go and investing your energy in people who STEP UP.
It is very hard emotionally to detach from somebody you developed a strong connection with (maybe in the beginning) and to see their behavior and alcoholic personality become worse over the months/years. I am in a similar situation now where we ended things 2 years ago, at first because he needed to focus on himself and his recovery, but morphed into "he wasn't happy with me, wanted to sleep w other people, wanted to be 'free,' didn't really love me, etc." I thought our "beautiful love" ended because of addiction but the story soon turned around and I was just never good enough. He was impulsive, he'd charm me to come over then tell me he slept with another girl. Everytime I break ties and let. it. gooo. He comes RUNNING after me, MAD. Like how are you over me? Now I want you, come over. A series of drunk texts. Calls, confessing his "true feelings" when he later denies the next day saying he "doesn't remember." It's a game. And it's always the same. It's heart breaking. I am just so tired of this cycle, of this treatment. I look back and wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't been attached to him and all the chaos for 4 years.. there was a love. And it was otherworldly, passionate, warm and now nostalgic. It lives on but we have changed. It is out of our control. We (the partners) can live on knowing what we deserve and detaching from these narcissistic people who are, honestly, hurting. They are hurting. :/
And with the whole co-dependent thing- I know why everyone brings it up and it is something to address. But it's not just "we're trying to SAVE this person" or we're "looking for someone to save." In what I presume are a lot of cases, we do little things to help them be more stable/grounded so that we can have better times with them. Weve had good times,, we've developed deep feelings,, but things escalate, they get worse, and then we feel helpless.. we identify there's nothing we can do. It's not about us. We get that. But what SUCKS is that we LOVE this person. We have fond memories with this person. We SAW them as our future husband, maybe.. and we just wanted to keep it alive. So we tried helping. Thats how it starts. I always say, IT'S NOT THAT I WANTED TO PLAY THAT ROLE, TO CONSTANTLY BE HELPING THEM, TO BE SEEN AS 'THEIR MOTHER' ETC. I did it because I was trying to help them out of it, I put up with it for a little while. I tried my best. It's not like I WANTED to play that role. I wanted to have fun, to be treated, taken out, adored.. Later you see this ended up not being the right relationship for you. You realize your needs. It's just (truly) letting go and investing your energy in people who STEP UP.
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