Made an attempt after 3 months of my faults in my 31 year marriage
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by Bluehawaii 
Thank you for this info.
I've been to alanon and Families anonymous.
I'm not comfortable yet at a.
How would I go about getting a sponser ? I am not sure what to do they are not very friendly at A.
I loved FA but haven't been in a couple years there.
I've been to alanon and Families anonymous.
I'm not comfortable yet at a.
How would I go about getting a sponser ? I am not sure what to do they are not very friendly at A.
I loved FA but haven't been in a couple years there.
Where I live Al-Alon is filled with people with active alcoholics in their current lives and are still trying to find boundaries. I'm now past that. Thanks
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by shockozulu
Can you tell me a little more about FA? We have one in town but I was wondering the differences between that and AL-Anon.
Where I live Al-Alon is filled with people with active alcoholics in their current lives and are still trying to find boundaries. I'm now past that. Thanks
Where I live Al-Alon is filled with people with active alcoholics in their current lives and are still trying to find boundaries. I'm now past that. Thanks
It's broader in the sense it deals with addictions to drugs, prescription drugs, mental health , alcohol etc.
I went because at that time my Daughter was using drugs it was there I realized my husband was also a huge issue.
I was so consumed with my daughter I never realized he was an addict as well.
He covered it so well.
They were instrumental in getting me to the place of getting my AD out of the house sadly we allowed her back two years later and now I'm here.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by FindingAmy
BlueHawaii i too came from an extremely dysfunctional family (and divorced parents when i was 14) and was probably the reason i went straight from college to married. i was looking for love so badly. in high school and college and i got wrapped up in drugs and drinking (recreationally, but definitely running from my life) but fortunately got out of that mess and graduated and have run a successful business. My husband was extremely manipulative and his lies were endless. He recently admitted to me that he still lies to me constantly and in fact is having trouble stopping. Clearly his issue, not mine. He said half the time he can't tell the difference between his lies or the truth.
Anyway, whether they are sitting on your lap cuddling, or emotionally unavailable and sleeping in separate bedrooms, makes no difference. The point remains the same...you are enough. And you made me smile by saying all those wonderful things you see in yourself. That's awesome!!!! Keep the focus on those things.
Anyway, whether they are sitting on your lap cuddling, or emotionally unavailable and sleeping in separate bedrooms, makes no difference. The point remains the same...you are enough. And you made me smile by saying all those wonderful things you see in yourself. That's awesome!!!! Keep the focus on those things.
I do believe he's crossed that line as well and doesn't know whats real anymore.
Today he's been texting me being kind, offering help with closing the pool so I don't have to pay someone.
Two weeks ago wouldn't talk to me about anything.
I'm glad I made you smile Amy!
Thanks again for your wisdom!
I'm going to go back to FA or find a new A.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 222
When I first went to Alanon I felt like my issues were "different". I was unique in some way. Their qualifiers were still using...their qualifier was their child, mine was my husband...my qualifier was now sober, newly, but sober...etc. I came in with every reason why I was different and would gain nothing from Alanon. I could not have been more wrong. Like I said the first two months of meetings I really didn't like and eventually was told about other meetings, in totally different county than where I had been attending, and the meetings were the same, but different. Different "flavor". Still all of the same issues as the other, but I felt different at these new ones. And I realize now, that whether it's your child, your husband, he's drinking, he's not drinking, is not the issue. The issue is me. It's about changing me. It's about acceptance and learning how to do that, detachment and learning how to do that, learning that i am enough, learning not to take things personally, learning how not to react, how i don't need to attend every fight im invited to and more. so much more. but it's listening to others stories of experience, strength and hope that you realize while our details of our situations may differ, we have so much in common that most people can't understand. It is a safe place. A place i can go and share and not be judged AT ALL. I've learned so much there, even from people whose situation I thought was so different than my own. Alanon was truly a saving grace in my life.
And as far as the crazy making, yeah, that is for real! Detangling from that mess is a beautiful thing.
And as far as the crazy making, yeah, that is for real! Detangling from that mess is a beautiful thing.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by Bluehawaii
FA stands for family anonymous .
It's broader in the sense it deals with addictions to drugs, prescription drugs, mental health , alcohol etc.
I went because at that time my Daughter was using drugs it was there I realized my husband was also a huge issue.
I was so consumed with my daughter I never realized he was an addict as well.
He covered it so well.
They were instrumental in getting me to the place of getting my AD out of the house sadly we allowed her back two years later and now I'm here.
It's broader in the sense it deals with addictions to drugs, prescription drugs, mental health , alcohol etc.
I went because at that time my Daughter was using drugs it was there I realized my husband was also a huge issue.
I was so consumed with my daughter I never realized he was an addict as well.
He covered it so well.
They were instrumental in getting me to the place of getting my AD out of the house sadly we allowed her back two years later and now I'm here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by FindingAmy
When I first went to Alanon I felt like my issues were "different". I was unique in some way. Their qualifiers were still using...their qualifier was their child, mine was my husband...my qualifier was now sober, newly, but sober...etc. I came in with every reason why I was different and would gain nothing from Alanon. I could not have been more wrong. Like I said the first two months of meetings I really didn't like and eventually was told about other meetings, in totally different county than where I had been attending, and the meetings were the same, but different. Different "flavor". Still all of the same issues as the other, but I felt different at these new ones. And I realize now, that whether it's your child, your husband, he's drinking, he's not drinking, is not the issue. The issue is me. It's about changing me. It's about acceptance and learning how to do that, detachment and learning how to do that, learning that i am enough, learning not to take things personally, learning how not to react, how i don't need to attend every fight im invited to and more. so much more. but it's listening to others stories of experience, strength and hope that you realize while our details of our situations may differ, we have so much in common that most people can't understand. It is a safe place. A place i can go and share and not be judged AT ALL. I've learned so much there, even from people whose situation I thought was so different than my own. Alanon was truly a saving grace in my life.
And as far as the crazy making, yeah, that is for real! Detangling from that mess is a beautiful thing.
And as far as the crazy making, yeah, that is for real! Detangling from that mess is a beautiful thing.
It was hard to grasp as I was not doing the things others were doing but I was putting up with emotional and physical abuse.
I had a call from an old dear friend today who moved away 20 years ago. She heard we were separated and asked if I needed an ear.
She ended the convo with you have a life , you have an amazing personality and many friends.
You take care of you!
😢💕 needed that today!
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by shockozulu
Thank you. Although I have been no contact with my addicted sister for almost five years, I just broke it off with an alcoholic fiance. I'm going to try FA. Appreciate you taking the time to explain it to me. We do have a FA meeting here I can get to easily.
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