Until the next time you meet Alcohol
 

I've been doing a bit of my own therapy to relieve and come to terms with old feelings. I've found writing down my thoughts and posting on here is really helpful. I jotted this up tonight when my AH went to the store and the thought crossed my mind that he might not come home. I remembered that as he's focusing on his recovery, I need to only focus on mine. That I don't want to feel the way I've let myself feel for the past few years. When putting it on paper... it seemed pretty ridiculous that I behaved this way and let this consume my life.
Thought it was worth a share.

Another morning of silence,
The elephant is in the room,
I remember what happened last night,
But you can only assume.

I watched the clock for hours,
You wouldn't take my call,
You said you'd only be an hour,
But you must have run into Alcohol.

I tried to keep myself busy,
I really tried not to cry,
I wore a smile for our daughter's sake,
Even though you told another lie.

Yet another broken promise,
Why did I get my hopes so high,
I hope you don't get behind the wheel again,
Don't you know that you could die?

I cleaned our home and washed your clothes,
I made your favorite meal,
Maybe you'll see I'm everything you need,
Maybe you'll think of how you make me feel.

I'll show you that I can be perfect,
I'll give you anything at all,
I won't upset you or stress you out,
I won't make you run to Alcohol.

You stumble in the door,
It's well into the night,
I'll keep my comments to myself,
I promise this time I won't fight.

I ask you where you've been all night,
Why you wouldn't take my call,
You answer with hostility and lies,
I know you've been with Alcohol.

I can't stop myself from confronting you,
Even with the vacant expression on your face,
I just started another fight you won't remember,
My tears and words are all a waste.

I hear how much you hate me,
And the most hurtful insults I've ever heard,
How you're done with me and leaving,
And I'm senselessly fighting for the last word.

I cry myself to sleep again,
I lay all alone in our bed,
Blaming and shaming myself,
Remembering all the nasty things you said.

Why are you doing this to us,
I can't stand to watch you fall,
What can I do to make you love me,
More than you love Alcohol.

Another morning of silence,
Mine is out of spite,
But you're still trying to piece together,
Everything you did last night.

You offer the same apologies,
As always you seem so sincere,
You promise that was the last time,
But that's what I always hear.

You offer hugs and kisses,
You are crying and so am I,
You tell me how much you love me,
And without me you would die.

This time it will be different,
Because you promise you will not slip and fall,
With all my strength I'll hang on to this happiness,
Until the next time you meet Alcohol.

KissedbyFire.....Just WOW!

I think that these words capture the experience of sooo many!

Amazing!

And very accurate. You are so talented

Not to diminish but to add to yours:

We are seeking your attention,
Your family is special and dear.
Will you spend some time with us?
Before you drink some beer.

My words and deeds are taken for granted,
As if I'm not even near.
I am your little robot,
As you grab for another beer.

I try to speak of my needs
But is it something you will hear?
Will it ever become important,
As important as your beer?

The evening is spent in silence
As away from you we steer,
We try not to wake you,
As you're passed out from your beer.

Hearthealth, I enjoyed your addition.
Holds very true. :-)

Kissedbyfire.. I'm more then 2 years out now but your poem evoked some pretty serious tears. Good job on capturing exactly how it feels (or felt) to be married to an alcoholic.

Been feeling nostalgic lately, and even angry the last couple days but reading your words reminded me why I am so much better off NOT in a relationship with that chaos.

Thank you.

Wow - this should be a sticky

Agree- I'm over three years out, and it took me right back...

Done stickied under "Classic Reading".

Mike :)

this was so perfect. beautifully written and so true. thanks for sharing.

Thank you everyone.
I'm glad to see that many people enjoyed my poem. It's encouraged me to continue my writing (therapy).
I may have wrote it- but strangely it still hits a nerve every time I read it.

Both are just beautiful in their truths. Thanks Mike for making it a sticky. I was about ready to PM you asking if you might do just that.