Thinking about Divorce, questions on how.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Thinking about Divorce, questions on how.
I was trying to talk to my AH yesterday about needing more help around the house. He needs to communicate, offer me more assistance, love and affection. Every sentence was denied to some extent. It got to the point that he said if you're going to cry the conversation is over with. IMO He wasn't considering anything I was saying. He just kept drinking until he consumed the limit that I feel safe having any type of conversation with him. I tried to dry my tears.
Was I wrong to start crying? Do people tell AH that they are thinking about divorce or do you just serve the papers? I'm concerned he will destroy my things. How do I get them out of the house? How do I tell the children? What if the childre turn on me?
Was I wrong to start crying? Do people tell AH that they are thinking about divorce or do you just serve the papers? I'm concerned he will destroy my things. How do I get them out of the house? How do I tell the children? What if the childre turn on me?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, that's an awful lot of questions, and the answers depend a lot on your personal situation.
If you're thinking about leaving, it requires careful planning. From what you've posted, he's insensitive and a lousy partner, but not abusive. If he IS abusive--especially if it's ever gotten physical--then leaving sooner rather than later would be wise, but planning is even more important in that situation.
Have you been to Al-Anon? I'd suggest that, and also reading the stickies up top to educate yourself about alcoholism. You need to get a clear head about what is best for you and how to go about getting there. One step at a time.
And no, it's only "wrong to cry" if you are doing it intentionally to manipulate someone. He will accuse you of that, but if you cry, you cry. An honest expression of emotion is never wrong unless it harms you or someone else.
If you're thinking about leaving, it requires careful planning. From what you've posted, he's insensitive and a lousy partner, but not abusive. If he IS abusive--especially if it's ever gotten physical--then leaving sooner rather than later would be wise, but planning is even more important in that situation.
Have you been to Al-Anon? I'd suggest that, and also reading the stickies up top to educate yourself about alcoholism. You need to get a clear head about what is best for you and how to go about getting there. One step at a time.
And no, it's only "wrong to cry" if you are doing it intentionally to manipulate someone. He will accuse you of that, but if you cry, you cry. An honest expression of emotion is never wrong unless it harms you or someone else.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
I'm currently in the planning stages of initiating divorce. I had 3 atty consults, and have picked the one I'm going with. I was able to gather lots of information in those three hours to help me better prepared. It also gave me peace because I know I am better prepared.
I also will NOT let on, in any fashion, that I will do this. She does not need to know until she needs to know.
How old are the children? One of the lawyers gave me a book and how to communicate with the child(ren).
As Lexie said, there are lots of things we don't know about your situation to give more concrete answers.
I wish you peace.
COD
I also will NOT let on, in any fashion, that I will do this. She does not need to know until she needs to know.
How old are the children? One of the lawyers gave me a book and how to communicate with the child(ren).
As Lexie said, there are lots of things we don't know about your situation to give more concrete answers.
I wish you peace.
COD
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Of course, it is not wrong to cry! It is a normal and useful human emotion that we are built to be able to do.
If we are not allowed our emotions...if we don't even get to own our emotions...what do we have...?
If we are not allowed our emotions...if we don't even get to own our emotions...what do we have...?
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 528
Alanon is a good idea. Seeing a lawyer for a consultation is a good first step. I would not let AH know. I was able to see some lawyers for a free consultation, and in my case it was better for me to do it without AH's knowledge. I was also able to compare some lawyers this way and that was helpful.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 163
Another tip is if their is a lawyer you don't what your AH using go to them for a paid consultation. Prevents your AH from using that lawyer.
I am in the early stages of a divorce. Luckily AW left to live in an empty rental unit we own. She wanted to be free to drink as much as she wants.
I am in the early stages of a divorce. Luckily AW left to live in an empty rental unit we own. She wanted to be free to drink as much as she wants.
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