HopingForCure

Lots of emotional ups and downs during this past week. At times my mind couldn't stop thinking about all the good times and I was convinced its a bad idea for me to break up my exA. And then there were times when I was worried sick about him and wanted to just call to check if he is doing ok. Phew, so exhausting. Hope it gets better from here. We are on a group chat together so once in a while he will send a message or respond to the group so that gave me confirmation that he is alive.

Please continue sending me prayers.

I also miss his family ALOT. There were so nice to me. Is it a bad idea to keep in touch with them? I miss his mom and dad and his little nephews

Hugs

FeelingGreat

Hang in there, you're getting through the hardest part just fine. And yes, it does get easier, with little bumps in between, but the best way to string the pain out it to contact him, and have to start fresh again.

I suggest you not contact his family for now - and I think you know it would complicate things. Now matter how much they like you he's still their son. Maybe later, a lot later, you could have limited contact. If you really like them you might want to drop them a note or text to say you miss them but are going to be out of touch for some time etc.

Bekindalways

Yaaaaaaarrrrghhh HFC! This is how I did it too . . . one painful day at a time.

Yeah, unfortunately, its probably better to be in a least minimal contact with his family.

Big big hug!

redatlanta

Good for you!!! Keep it up!

maia1234

HFC,
Wonderful news, yes you do keep thinking and worrying. That is all part of loving someone. You just can't stop. I know it is hard with the "inlaws". My AXH mother has sent me a Christmas gift for the last 2 years. My X doesn't know, my daughters bring it home with them. Its ok to mourn, it only means that you cared. Embrace it and feel blessed that you "loved" someone this much, most people would never have that in their life.

Hugs my friend, you are on to week 2.

Sunshine1234

Good for you! It gets easier. I used to think "no contact" would be impossible, but it's been months for me now and it's much easier. You can clear your head and really see things for what they are now without his manipulation playing with your head. I used to have my neighbor check up on my ex all the time so I could just make sure he was alive. But, I realized that was still remaining in contact with him indirectly and it was still consuming me and my thoughts of him. It was obsessive and unhealthy for me. So maybe try disconnecting completely and I agree with what others said and maybe just send an email or text to his family that you care for them but need to distance yourself from everything for a bit. My ex in laws acted like they had my back in the beginning but then ended up turning on me and totally defended my ex even with all the evidence they had that he was still using. Take this time for yourself and do things for YOU. When you have moments of weakness I suggest making a list of the reasons why you left and just read it over and over.

atalose

HopingForCure it does get easier as more time passes. It’s been 3 years for me of no contact but to this day I often think of him and pray for him. I had to let his family go as well for my own sake otherwise I would not have been able to maintain no contact and keep on this wonderful new path I walk.

Hang in there, it really does get easier, the tears eventually stop, all the emotions get worked through and there comes a peace that you will never want to give up again.

hope778

HFC, hugs to you. I have not reached the point of NC, but I do know it is always a real possibility with AH... I know you will get stronger. Do not believe the desires your heart/mind are giving you - that you could have good times again with exA that you desperately want in a relationship. You know the reality. Remember the reality.

This is awful. I hate that anyone has to go through it. Forge ahead, friend.

HopingForCure

Thank you so much for the amazing words of encouragement. But I am very embarrassed to report that last night I went out with some friends, had a few drinks and got very depressed. And I ended up calling him! I cannot believe I could not even stay 10 days without talking to him. I am very very disappointed in myself. But even in my drunken and depressed state, i did not even once tell him or felt the need to tell him that I miss him. I just kept saying that I miss the family. He kept asking me to come back to him. I told him how I can never trust him again since he is not even going to rehab. His answer was...Rehab is out of the question..
I immediately wrapped up the conversation and hung up.

Eauchiche

Get back on that wagon. Forget last night.

Have you thought about how ironic it is that us codies often drink to relieve the stress caused from being in a relationship with an addict?

Things WILL get better. Your mate will survive. They are very resilient and resourceful.

I enjoy a really good relationship with my mother in law, but I never forced it after my ex and I broke up. I also do not ever put her in an awkward position by talking about our the breakup or what led to it. I don't friend her on Facebook, because all the rest of her family is on there, and that would be awkward.

You work on YOU, and let water seek its own level with the other relationships.

hope778

HFC - Something I haven't talked about here is that I have a tendency to have a few drinks to relieve stress too. It is something I want to work on, because truthfully, it does not bring out the best in me. In fact, it taps into the worst of me. I am not saying this is the same with you, just making this point to let you know I have made dumb decisions with AH after drinking a few. So, don't beat yourself up, please. We are human, with human emotions, and oftentimes knee-jerk human reactions based on those emotions.

You aren't a bad person. Re-focus, and decide again what you want and where your path will lead.

HopingForCure

Thank you so much! I know exactly what I want and that is to never ever get back together with him. Yes I love him, Yes I miss him but I would rather be miserable without him than be lied to every single day.
Day one starts again today!
Definitely staying away from getting drunk. Alcohol makes me very emotional.

Please pray for me.

Group hug

dandylion

Well.....he has affirmed that you are doing the right thing!......
I agree to get back on the horse and forget last night.

It is normal to grieve for the separation from his gamily. I have been in that situation, also, of missing the family as much or more than the person.....

sometimes, it is possible to maintain a relationship with family.....but, I would give it a little time before pressing the issue......

qtpi

I also feel the urge for contact and fight it internally. keeping busy helps.

Bekindalways

I can certainly understand caving in on a no-contact rule. I had to leave the country when I finally went no contact. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done.

Back on the wagon and take care of yourself!

LexieCat

Ironic, isn't it, that if you'd been sober you probably wouldn't have given into that urge. Kind of makes you appreciate (in the sense of understanding) how alcoholics manage to do dumb stuff while under the influence. And, like alcoholics, I think other people sometimes drink so they'll have an EXCUSE for doing what they sort of wanted to do anyway. Not saying that's what you did, but it's worth considering whether there might have been an element of that in what happened.

Beating oneself up never made a situation better. I'd go VERY easy on the booze for at least as long as you're feeling vulnerable.

Carol Star

I put a sign on my pc- NO CONTACT !