No will to go on anymore.
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
No will to go on anymore.
Well after my Husbands last drunk and me kicking him out and he got into that bad accident and totaled his car the same night. That was his 3rd DUI and him looking at jail this time, HUGE fines, etc.. We are not even finished with that all.
Well you know how he promised me up and down he would quit, bla bla bla.
He came home drunk again from work driving MY truck, insured in MY name.
No more tears. I was crying in my sleep last night!! I am numb and have hit bottom. I never thought I could say this but I do not love him anymore. He makes me sick, I have no respect for him and his drinking. Is this wrong???
I had to retire from training horses due to some serious health issues. I can't work now. What can I do??? I can't go on with him anymore. I am afraid of being alone, and not being able to make it. I have been with someone since I was only 16 (two marriages). I feel so guilty being in this situation. I feel many of my problems have come from extreme stress from my husband.
I have come to a point where I feel I can't go on ONE MORE DAY!! I have NO reason to go on, how can I even if I wanted to???? Which I do not! Is this all my fault??? He blames me everytime, it is ALWAYS something I have done or did do. I am the only child, I feel SO ALONE!!!
I just had to put my border collie to sleep 3 days ago. Now this!!
Well you know how he promised me up and down he would quit, bla bla bla.
He came home drunk again from work driving MY truck, insured in MY name.
No more tears. I was crying in my sleep last night!! I am numb and have hit bottom. I never thought I could say this but I do not love him anymore. He makes me sick, I have no respect for him and his drinking. Is this wrong???
I had to retire from training horses due to some serious health issues. I can't work now. What can I do??? I can't go on with him anymore. I am afraid of being alone, and not being able to make it. I have been with someone since I was only 16 (two marriages). I feel so guilty being in this situation. I feel many of my problems have come from extreme stress from my husband.
I have come to a point where I feel I can't go on ONE MORE DAY!! I have NO reason to go on, how can I even if I wanted to???? Which I do not! Is this all my fault??? He blames me everytime, it is ALWAYS something I have done or did do. I am the only child, I feel SO ALONE!!!
I just had to put my border collie to sleep 3 days ago. Now this!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Bambi.
I'm glad you came to scream here. You don't have to feel alone. Lot's of people here have been right where you are.
If you cannot work, can you apply for disability? I know it takes some time and sometimes several tries to get it to go through, but it may be worth investigating. It sounds like you're going to get a little vacation from him due to his driving escapade, so you will have some time to sort things out.
We all share some of the responsibility for the predicaments we find ourselves in. However "all your fault" probably isn't the way to think of it. Sometimes there are things we don't have experience with, sometimes there are attitudes that are pressed on us by families, religion or the media, and sometimes we're lied to or misled. Guilt is not only undeserved it's pointless. We identify the poor choices we make, figure out how to make better ones and keep moving.
Hugs!
Smoke
I'm glad you came to scream here. You don't have to feel alone. Lot's of people here have been right where you are.
If you cannot work, can you apply for disability? I know it takes some time and sometimes several tries to get it to go through, but it may be worth investigating. It sounds like you're going to get a little vacation from him due to his driving escapade, so you will have some time to sort things out.
We all share some of the responsibility for the predicaments we find ourselves in. However "all your fault" probably isn't the way to think of it. Sometimes there are things we don't have experience with, sometimes there are attitudes that are pressed on us by families, religion or the media, and sometimes we're lied to or misled. Guilt is not only undeserved it's pointless. We identify the poor choices we make, figure out how to make better ones and keep moving.
Hugs!
Smoke
brightlight
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Detachment
Posts: 201
No it is not your fault!!! I know how you feel and I feel so alone and have 2 kids, and my brother lives right next door! I feel like I am wasting my time everyday with him. I threw his clothes out in the yard and the keys to the truck, and then locked the door, but thought well that was too easy for him. He would just have picked the clothes up and caused a big scene, so I put his stuff back in the house. I think he really is afraid to drive because he does not want to look bad or lose his job. If he ever lost this job then I think he would totally be out of control. The bar is across the street. I thought that since it was across the street it was good, but now I am thinking it should be harder for him to get to the bar. If he had to drive and I said I was going to call the police if he did then he will have a hard time getting to the bar. I really wonder if I love my husband. I am not sure anymore. I know I hate what he is doing and this person he has become. I looked around the house and see all that he is not doing that he used to do. He left the lawnmower and weedeater out, and he never did mow the grass or do weedeating. I put grass seed down last spring and it made him feel so bad that he went to get more and started watering it. He could not stand to see that I did something positive. I thought about the faucet that drips. It has been dripping for nearly two years. I have been waiting for that as a sign he is well. I know that if he care enough to fix the faucet he might be recovering. I think he lets it drip on purpose to either bug me or for some reason of his own. I think today I am headed for the hardware store and fix that faucet. I am going to go look and see what other things I can do today that does not cost a lot. I did see health problems that came from stress and I have fixed some of that, but today I could have lifted weights instead of going on and on over him. Sorry about your dog! I know how that is. My mother died last month and I am wondering if all this crazy stuff I am doing is coming from that. He got the call that she died and told me and then went to the bar. He is not here for me for anything anymore. I know how you feel!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 168
You can go on and you have to. I know how you feel I felt the same way when I was with my exH. When I really stood back and looked at the situation I was the one who was holding us together financially the one day it clicked I could make it on my own. I stayed because I did not think I could for along time then when I realized that I acctually could I made arrangements to leave. There are many programs out there to help you look them up and use them I believe that God puts them here for us in our times of need. The biggest thing you need to do is pray and ask for God's guidance in this situation and he will show you the way. Another thing I would do is make sure your H does not have access to you Keys to your vehicle. Oh and maybe you need to get yourself another dog it sounds like you are an animal lover and maybe that would be very good for you. Animals give love unconditionally and for me its wonderfull. The biggest thing is DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. Hope some of this helps you are not alone you have all of us that care about you and you can make it.
Rose
Rose
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Bambi
When we hit bottom there is no where left to go but up, and although you feel too tired to climb, I promise you that we are all reaching out to help you.
When the past is painful and the future is frightening, just stay in today and take care of yourself and what needs taking care of today. Slowly we heal and move forward, and you will too. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Make some phone calls and see what is available to help you with your disability. Don't be afraid to ask family or friends to help, just reach out and I promise you that there will be a hand there somewhere that will connect with you and help.
We're here and we care, Bambi.
Hugs
Ann
When we hit bottom there is no where left to go but up, and although you feel too tired to climb, I promise you that we are all reaching out to help you.
When the past is painful and the future is frightening, just stay in today and take care of yourself and what needs taking care of today. Slowly we heal and move forward, and you will too. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Make some phone calls and see what is available to help you with your disability. Don't be afraid to ask family or friends to help, just reach out and I promise you that there will be a hand there somewhere that will connect with you and help.
We're here and we care, Bambi.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Bambi
I am sorry you are hurting right now and having feelings of dispair.
But I am thankful that you found this site and are here.
There is alot of support and understanding around here.
You sound like a beautiful person who has had enough, and rightly so.
Things can and will get better. Change can seem scary, but is necassary to move forward out of stagnant places.
We are here for you, I am sending out good vibes and the will to have faith that things will end up being good for you. try to see it as a new adventure to healing and wellness.
.
Here are some ideas and suggestions for working on a more positive outlook on life and you...
September 23, 2004
8 Ways To Maintain A Positive Attitude
There Is No Obstacle Too Great
1. Become mindful of your thoughts and let them occur without judgment. As you recognize self-limiting beliefs and feelings, eliminate them by focusing on positive thoughts about the present and future.
2. The author Charles Dickens advised, "Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." Don't brood over mistakes, carry grudges, or harbor hate.
3. Worrying is a wasted effort and the breeding ground of doubt. It will lead you to contemplate potential losses rather than effective solutions. The antidote to worry is positive action.
4. Adversity comes to each of us in time. Expecting rather than dreading this adversity can make challenging periods seem less daunting and will allow you to accept that you possess the strength to conquer each obstacle as you have conquered obstacles in your past.
5. Assume that hidden in every setback there is a lesson. Consciously choose to think of the challenges you face in a positive way: as a learning experience, an opportunity to demonstrate your strengths, or the first step on a new path.
6. Think about what you desire, not what you fear. Visualize future successes with the belief that you will achieve them, and then take action. When you are working diligently toward a goal, there will not be time to ponder the obstacles.
7. When negative thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm you, take a "time out" and do something that makes you happy. Letting yourself be swept away in a favorite activity or meditation will inspire well-being.
8. Be confident that no matter what adversity you face, you will be strong enough to remain positive and optimistic. Knowing that there is no obstacle you cannot overcome will give you that strength.
August 25, 2004
Personal Affirmations
Put A Positive Spin On Your Inner Dialogue
If you were able to read a transcript of your inner dialogue - that seemingly ceaseless chatter that fills our head - what would it say about your relationship with yourself? Friend or foe? When you face a major challenge, does the voice say "you can do it!" or does your internal critic kick in?
Directing your awareness to your self-talk can help reveal a hidden habit of self-defeat. Making a few adjustments to the dialogue can help empower you to break old patterns, overcome obstacles and put a positive spin on your outlook. Positive affirmations are the antidote. Would professional athletes make it to the finish line by telling themselves "you can't do it?" Encouraging, optimistic mental conditioning is integral to your success.
You are in charge of your thoughts, simply change the channel, turn the page, send the negativity into outer-space and replace them with more valid and useful words of wisdom. Developing your own positive affirmations is easy, just look at the truth. Allow yourself to focus on your true basic goodness and make a list. Are you creative? Generous? Helpful? Intuitive? If you are trying to lose weight, turn your finances around, or learn to speak Japanese, the truth of the matter is that you can do it. It is physically possible. So just tell it like it is. "I can do it."
If you need help developing affirmations, browse Louise L. Hay's books or card decks, which are filled with good ideas like "I accept all parts of myself," "I am surrounded and filled with infinite wisdom," or "I am willing to go to a new level to truly heal myself."
Once you have a few powerful messages for yourself you can:
* Repeat them several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning.
* Post them around the house - on mirrors, doors, your alarm clock.
* Create a stack of note cards and pick one out to contemplate each day.
* Choose one and write it one hundred times in a notebook.
* Write them into your subconscious so that the positivity is with you always.
* Allow yourself a moment to truly experience positive feelings.
* Refresh your affirmations every two weeks so the message doesn't become stale.
* Remember to be patient. "It takes some time to go from a seed to a plant", says Louise Hay, "and so it is with affirmations, it takes some time from the first declaration to the final demonstration.
I am sorry you are hurting right now and having feelings of dispair.
But I am thankful that you found this site and are here.
There is alot of support and understanding around here.
You sound like a beautiful person who has had enough, and rightly so.
Things can and will get better. Change can seem scary, but is necassary to move forward out of stagnant places.
We are here for you, I am sending out good vibes and the will to have faith that things will end up being good for you. try to see it as a new adventure to healing and wellness.
.
Here are some ideas and suggestions for working on a more positive outlook on life and you...
September 23, 2004
8 Ways To Maintain A Positive Attitude
There Is No Obstacle Too Great
1. Become mindful of your thoughts and let them occur without judgment. As you recognize self-limiting beliefs and feelings, eliminate them by focusing on positive thoughts about the present and future.
2. The author Charles Dickens advised, "Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." Don't brood over mistakes, carry grudges, or harbor hate.
3. Worrying is a wasted effort and the breeding ground of doubt. It will lead you to contemplate potential losses rather than effective solutions. The antidote to worry is positive action.
4. Adversity comes to each of us in time. Expecting rather than dreading this adversity can make challenging periods seem less daunting and will allow you to accept that you possess the strength to conquer each obstacle as you have conquered obstacles in your past.
5. Assume that hidden in every setback there is a lesson. Consciously choose to think of the challenges you face in a positive way: as a learning experience, an opportunity to demonstrate your strengths, or the first step on a new path.
6. Think about what you desire, not what you fear. Visualize future successes with the belief that you will achieve them, and then take action. When you are working diligently toward a goal, there will not be time to ponder the obstacles.
7. When negative thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm you, take a "time out" and do something that makes you happy. Letting yourself be swept away in a favorite activity or meditation will inspire well-being.
8. Be confident that no matter what adversity you face, you will be strong enough to remain positive and optimistic. Knowing that there is no obstacle you cannot overcome will give you that strength.
August 25, 2004
Personal Affirmations
Put A Positive Spin On Your Inner Dialogue
If you were able to read a transcript of your inner dialogue - that seemingly ceaseless chatter that fills our head - what would it say about your relationship with yourself? Friend or foe? When you face a major challenge, does the voice say "you can do it!" or does your internal critic kick in?
Directing your awareness to your self-talk can help reveal a hidden habit of self-defeat. Making a few adjustments to the dialogue can help empower you to break old patterns, overcome obstacles and put a positive spin on your outlook. Positive affirmations are the antidote. Would professional athletes make it to the finish line by telling themselves "you can't do it?" Encouraging, optimistic mental conditioning is integral to your success.
You are in charge of your thoughts, simply change the channel, turn the page, send the negativity into outer-space and replace them with more valid and useful words of wisdom. Developing your own positive affirmations is easy, just look at the truth. Allow yourself to focus on your true basic goodness and make a list. Are you creative? Generous? Helpful? Intuitive? If you are trying to lose weight, turn your finances around, or learn to speak Japanese, the truth of the matter is that you can do it. It is physically possible. So just tell it like it is. "I can do it."
If you need help developing affirmations, browse Louise L. Hay's books or card decks, which are filled with good ideas like "I accept all parts of myself," "I am surrounded and filled with infinite wisdom," or "I am willing to go to a new level to truly heal myself."
Once you have a few powerful messages for yourself you can:
* Repeat them several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning.
* Post them around the house - on mirrors, doors, your alarm clock.
* Create a stack of note cards and pick one out to contemplate each day.
* Choose one and write it one hundred times in a notebook.
* Write them into your subconscious so that the positivity is with you always.
* Allow yourself a moment to truly experience positive feelings.
* Refresh your affirmations every two weeks so the message doesn't become stale.
* Remember to be patient. "It takes some time to go from a seed to a plant", says Louise Hay, "and so it is with affirmations, it takes some time from the first declaration to the final demonstration.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
(((Bambi)))
There are so many of us that can relate to where you are. There is so much proof on this board that there is happiness to be had no matter where we are in life.
I'm sending you light and love. One day at a time, hun. Please keep sharing here. We all care about you.
L
There are so many of us that can relate to where you are. There is so much proof on this board that there is happiness to be had no matter where we are in life.
I'm sending you light and love. One day at a time, hun. Please keep sharing here. We all care about you.
L
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: A very sad place
Posts: 115
Bambi-
I was at the point you are now about 4 years ago. At that time I had both a physical and emotional breakdown. I survived it one day, sometimes on second at a time until I could see a brighter light on the horizon. Just keep coming to this site and sharing, we will support you in this time. You are important and your life is important.
Many Blessings.
Kat
I was at the point you are now about 4 years ago. At that time I had both a physical and emotional breakdown. I survived it one day, sometimes on second at a time until I could see a brighter light on the horizon. Just keep coming to this site and sharing, we will support you in this time. You are important and your life is important.
Many Blessings.
Kat
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
You all are so wonderful
I can't thank you all enough for such wise and comforting words. I can relate with so many of you in reading these threads. I hurts to see any of you feeling the pain that I am feeling.
I have such anger inside at myself and at the person who used to be my best friend. How can the alchoholics in our lives hurt us so much and then say they love us?? Say they can't live without us. Ask for another chance and make all the same promises over and over.
I have taken away the keys to the car and truck. I can't be in extreme stress every time he walks out the door. He hit another car parked on the side of the road. Thank heavens it was empty. If it wasn't he would facing a possible manslaughter charge. Did that faze him?? No of course not. I kicked him out and told him I was filing for divorce. He was gone a month. Calling and begging to come back home. Saying he hit bottom and he would never drink again. The thought of losing me scared him enough he said.
Well I guess nothing matters to him but the beer. He asked how he is supposed to get to work? What do I do??? We can't live on no income. When he goes to jail in the future I am already scared there will be no roof over our head from loss of income. I just can't let him drive one of the vehicles!! They are both in my name and last time he did this with the accident, I took him off the insurance, so they are only in my name for that also. SO if something happened, the police would impound my vehicle and it would be gone!!!
I don't have the strength to fight anything anymore I feel. I didn't even ask him to leave. He is sleeping on the couch and I am not talking to him at all. He keeps saying, please don't be mad at me!! I can't help but laugh. How can he even ask that??? He is asking for us to start over and try again. How can he ask that either?? I said your not the one who is getting their heart ripped out. Your not the one who is sick to their stomach all the time every time he walks out the door. I have lost so much weight on the stress diet.
I feel like this empty shell.
About the disability. I appreciate the suggestion, but in order to get that. You have had to pay into SS enough. Since I have been a independent contractor as a horse trainer, and have not done it full time my whole life. It goes with the economy, horses are a luxury. I have not put in enough to be able to file. Which also makes me feel worthless.
Having these health problems makes me feel worthless. All of this stress is making me sicker and sicker on top of the other things I am dealing with.
Then I hear about codependents. I do not think I am one, but how do you know?? I sure don't want to be enabling him to do any of this.
:titanic
I can relate with so many of you in reading these threads. I hurts to see any of you feeling the pain that I am feeling. I have such anger inside at myself and at the person who used to be my best friend. How can the alchoholics in our lives hurt us so much and then say they love us?? Say they can't live without us. Ask for another chance and make all the same promises over and over.
I have taken away the keys to the car and truck. I can't be in extreme stress every time he walks out the door. He hit another car parked on the side of the road. Thank heavens it was empty. If it wasn't he would facing a possible manslaughter charge. Did that faze him?? No of course not. I kicked him out and told him I was filing for divorce. He was gone a month. Calling and begging to come back home. Saying he hit bottom and he would never drink again. The thought of losing me scared him enough he said.
Well I guess nothing matters to him but the beer. He asked how he is supposed to get to work? What do I do??? We can't live on no income. When he goes to jail in the future I am already scared there will be no roof over our head from loss of income. I just can't let him drive one of the vehicles!! They are both in my name and last time he did this with the accident, I took him off the insurance, so they are only in my name for that also. SO if something happened, the police would impound my vehicle and it would be gone!!!
I don't have the strength to fight anything anymore I feel. I didn't even ask him to leave. He is sleeping on the couch and I am not talking to him at all. He keeps saying, please don't be mad at me!! I can't help but laugh. How can he even ask that??? He is asking for us to start over and try again. How can he ask that either?? I said your not the one who is getting their heart ripped out. Your not the one who is sick to their stomach all the time every time he walks out the door. I have lost so much weight on the stress diet.
I feel like this empty shell.
About the disability. I appreciate the suggestion, but in order to get that. You have had to pay into SS enough. Since I have been a independent contractor as a horse trainer, and have not done it full time my whole life. It goes with the economy, horses are a luxury. I have not put in enough to be able to file. Which also makes me feel worthless.
Having these health problems makes me feel worthless. All of this stress is making me sicker and sicker on top of the other things I am dealing with.
Then I hear about codependents. I do not think I am one, but how do you know?? I sure don't want to be enabling him to do any of this.
:titanic
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Originally Posted by Bambi
I said your not the one who is getting their heart ripped out. Your not the one who is sick to their stomach all the time every time he walks out the door. I have lost so much weight on the stress diet.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Bambi,
First I give you a huge hug...then I am going to tell you that you have to realize that none of this is your fault. What will be your fault is if you choose not to try to make a step in getting yourself together and getting better. Life can and will be what you make it. He has you pulled very, very, low right now, but the good news is theres a rope beside you, but only YOU can find it and pull yourself up and out. The one thing I have learned is selfeshness, get damn selfish about yourself your feelings and your own thoughts. Get control, Get motivated and get yourself happy again. It all starts with one tiny baby step at a time. You didnt cause it, you cant control it, nor can you cure it. Yes, it is sad, yes it is painful. And it will bring you even further down if you don't grab a hold of yourself now. I was contemplating suicidal thoughts, and my breaking point was the day my x-A smoked his crack, and was drunk in our home when our daughter and I came home. It took, thousands of dollars in fines, expenses, me working my A** off in extra jobs, 2 wrecked cars, catching an std, 5 dui's, possession charges, beatings, and the emotional wrecking ball that struck me over and over again. But you know what? I had enough, I got tired of being pulled under, I couldn't breathe, I was losing myself everyday. I was lost. I was a single mother, living in a house with no gas, no hot water, and 3 days before we moved I had not lights. I was ashamed, I was starving for a better life that only I could work on every hour of every to acheive. That was almost 3 years ago, and guess what, hes still high or drunk the few times I see him. He still has made attempts to haunt me is what I call it. Because now I have the ability to tell myself that I will never allow him to bring me or my daughter under again. YOU can do the same thing. But it takes small steps first, I know you feel weak, I know you feel shattered, but to start, what can YOU do TODAY for YOU?
Keep posting,
Many Hugs!
First I give you a huge hug...then I am going to tell you that you have to realize that none of this is your fault. What will be your fault is if you choose not to try to make a step in getting yourself together and getting better. Life can and will be what you make it. He has you pulled very, very, low right now, but the good news is theres a rope beside you, but only YOU can find it and pull yourself up and out. The one thing I have learned is selfeshness, get damn selfish about yourself your feelings and your own thoughts. Get control, Get motivated and get yourself happy again. It all starts with one tiny baby step at a time. You didnt cause it, you cant control it, nor can you cure it. Yes, it is sad, yes it is painful. And it will bring you even further down if you don't grab a hold of yourself now. I was contemplating suicidal thoughts, and my breaking point was the day my x-A smoked his crack, and was drunk in our home when our daughter and I came home. It took, thousands of dollars in fines, expenses, me working my A** off in extra jobs, 2 wrecked cars, catching an std, 5 dui's, possession charges, beatings, and the emotional wrecking ball that struck me over and over again. But you know what? I had enough, I got tired of being pulled under, I couldn't breathe, I was losing myself everyday. I was lost. I was a single mother, living in a house with no gas, no hot water, and 3 days before we moved I had not lights. I was ashamed, I was starving for a better life that only I could work on every hour of every to acheive. That was almost 3 years ago, and guess what, hes still high or drunk the few times I see him. He still has made attempts to haunt me is what I call it. Because now I have the ability to tell myself that I will never allow him to bring me or my daughter under again. YOU can do the same thing. But it takes small steps first, I know you feel weak, I know you feel shattered, but to start, what can YOU do TODAY for YOU?
Keep posting,
Many Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
Originally Posted by Bambi
It hurts to see any of you feeling the pain that I am feeling.
Originally Posted by Bambi
Then I hear about codependents. I do not think I am one, but how do you know?
- He knows his addiction is bad for him but he can't stop doing it.
I know he is bad for me but I can't leave him.
- People around him know that he is hurting himself by drinking and don't
understand why he doesn't just stop.
People around me know that I am hurting myself by being with him and don't
understand why I don't just leave.
- He denies the problem.
I deny the problem.
- He keeps trying the same thing over and over to make it better and keeps
getting the same result.
I keep trying the same thing over and over to make it better and keep
getting the same result.
- His addiction is making him miserable but he tries to pretend he's OK.
My addiction is making me miserable but I try to pretend I'm OK.
Have you ever read the book "Codependent No More"? There is a list of questions at the beginning of the book that may help you. I never believed I was codependent because I never believed there was anything wrong with me - he was the one that was so screwed up. My first step in recovery was reading that book. After I answered the questions, there was no doubt in my mind that I had a problem. After all, you can't fix the problem if you don't know what it is.
Hugs - L
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Ann
Bambi
When the past is painful and the future is frightening, just stay in today and take care of yourself and what needs taking care of today.
When the past is painful and the future is frightening, just stay in today and take care of yourself and what needs taking care of today.
Hugs-
Diane
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Bambi
You are not worthless, when i read that you were a horse trainer my heart lept for joy. Obviously you chose to do something that appeals to your heart.
Maybe there will be an opportunity for you to still work around horses and not have to do the hard physical part of it... put the energy out there.
You have options... try to view the change as a positive step to a new direction for yourself.
This is not true.... just a lousy economy...
"Since I have been a independent contractor as a horse trainer, and have not done it full time my whole life. It goes with the economy, horses are a luxury. I have not put in enough to be able to file. Which also makes me feel worthless." -Bambi
You are not worthless, when i read that you were a horse trainer my heart lept for joy. Obviously you chose to do something that appeals to your heart.
Maybe there will be an opportunity for you to still work around horses and not have to do the hard physical part of it... put the energy out there.
You have options... try to view the change as a positive step to a new direction for yourself.
This is not true.... just a lousy economy...
"Since I have been a independent contractor as a horse trainer, and have not done it full time my whole life. It goes with the economy, horses are a luxury. I have not put in enough to be able to file. Which also makes me feel worthless." -Bambi
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Oh Bambi ! Reading your post brought tears to my eyes . If a families love could stop us from drinking . I am here to tell you it cant . You sound like such a loving kind person , I pray you show some love and kindness to your self . I am here to tell you all your stress and worry wont change a thing .When I was hitting bottom " Its always darkest before the dawn " would keep going thru my head and I really believe thats true . The dawn will come until than believe that i believe . Keep the faith .. :heart: Sending you hope for a brighter tommorow .. Trish
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 168
Bambi
I have know of people drawing disabilty that have never worked a day in their lives maybe you should do some rechecking on that. My aunt hardley ever worked she was in a terrible car accident when she was 18 and was epileptic and had to draw disability. Oh and Brightlight is doing a wonderful thing at home typing medical transcripts maybe you could check into that. Just some ideas for you. If you get the disability you would also qualify for other programs like medicare for medical expensises. My mother helped my aunt find organizations that helped pay a good bit of her perscriptions as well. Keep digging and praying God will send you the answers you need you just have to hand it over to him and trust him with it.
Rose
I have know of people drawing disabilty that have never worked a day in their lives maybe you should do some rechecking on that. My aunt hardley ever worked she was in a terrible car accident when she was 18 and was epileptic and had to draw disability. Oh and Brightlight is doing a wonderful thing at home typing medical transcripts maybe you could check into that. Just some ideas for you. If you get the disability you would also qualify for other programs like medicare for medical expensises. My mother helped my aunt find organizations that helped pay a good bit of her perscriptions as well. Keep digging and praying God will send you the answers you need you just have to hand it over to him and trust him with it.
Rose
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Moving east
Posts: 217
Bambi, my father has been on disability for about 25 years and he was self-employed as a roofer when he broke his back. He got a lawyer and it took him awhile but he got it including retroactive money. We live in Delaware and they have an excellent Medicaid program. Never give up hope. Go to state agencies and file for whatever is available and use the phone book to look up government and state agencies that you wouldn't dream of calling. A lot of state programs aren't aware of other programs that are available. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but I can relate. When my ex-husband was addicted to crack I had the same feelings of hopelessness. He spent all our money, stole from my mother, his family, his friends, anyone he could get money from. I sat and cried all day. I was sick to my stomach all the time, deathly afraid of him, and felt there was nothing to live for. There is so much to live for. Do what you have to do for you. And as an animal lover myself, I have to say how sorry I am about your dog. As you will see from my avatar, I had to have my American Eskimo put to sleep in December. He was 12 1/2 and had cancer. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I know how heartbreaking it is. I am unable to have children so my animals are my babies. Here's a hug for you.
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
Thanks so much. 
I can't tell you how much all your posts meant to me. I felt so hopeless and now thanks to you all, I realize that I need to take control of MY life and make myself better. Because your right, I can't make him better. I need to work on me now. I found local meetings and am going to attend them. I am going to get some books also to help me.
It is time to get off this roller coaster. I am going to look into the disability again. You all gave me great suggestions.
Furbabies I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Eskimo. I totally understand what you mean about them being your children. I have 2 older children, but still feel my lil 4 legged ones are also my children. They are part of your family and always are there for unconditional love.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 168
Oh and one thing I wanted to mention more about I don't know what or how much your perscriptions cost but my Aunts were alot and one of her doctors knew an organization that paid for one of her very expensive perscriptions . And when she needed nerve medication she went to the local mental health facility and got them for just a few dollars. There is so much out there that we are unaware of but if we look hard enough we can find it. Glad to see you are feeling better and best wishes for you.
Rose
Rose
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