9 months in my own recovery
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: New South Wales
Posts: 4
9 months in my own recovery
Hi there everyone,
My name is meg and I'm 29 I'm a registered nurse, I have a gorgeous 9 year old daughter and a wonderful life full of friends, family and hope.
However I have been affected by alcoholism in more recent times, despite growing up with it from 6 to 16 yrs old as my stepfather had the disease.
And yes I do believe it is a disease, a mental illness of sorts. Anyway
I met my ex boyfriend 2 and a bit years ago and he was in addiction at the time. But I didn't really know much about it at this time as I was relatively new to the health profession and I had never really dealt with it before on such a personal level, like the kind of level where you are head over heels in love. so I figured this lovely gorgeous man probably just needed a good woman like me to help him find his way. And for a short while it kind of worked. Not for long though our first 6 months was volatile and I broke up with him nor than once. He was freaking crazy and despite my calm and rational attempts to talk to him about the things that stood in the way of a smooth relationship he still manipulated me into believing it was me that was the reason why he was acting the way he did. At the time, early on I saw two people- a really nice guy who seemed to be trying hard to please others and then another person who had no regard for others. It was exhausting to watch. Even more to love him. Which I did and I don't know why and I still sit here trying to figure that one out.
I've been in love three times and this relationship has totally destroyed me.
After our first 6 months he did some really nasty thing to me on New Year's Day 2015 which should have ended it for good- he sent a picture of his friends girlfriend sleeping in his bed ( at the time I didn't know she was with friend) so I thought he had cheated! He did this to hurt me. And he certainly did. What kind of evil does that ??
Anyway lots of remorse followed and he decided that it was the final straw and he needed to get sober.
I should have dumped him. I remember that day , I wanted to die I was so gutted.
So he got sober and he lasted 6 months. He went camping one night and drank a bottle of gin on his own. Well I wasn't happy but hey he had six months up ?? Hmmm
After that I became very depressed anxious and I felt like I was slipping away from myself and my sanity. He sucked the life out of me. It felt like the world revolves around him. And i lost myself, so 5 months after the camping lapse he began drinking while I was at work. One night in December he sent me a text while o was on an afternoon shift saying he got a six pack of near beer for us to share. I said that we don't drink together ?
When I got home he disappeared. I lost my ability to stay calm and I ended our relationship. He moved out in January. He assaulted me on the 22nd of Jan while he was in a blackout he came to my house during the night and glassed me in front of my daughter who was in bed with me and ripped my hair out and punched me in the face. I have no scars. I'm lucky.
He sent emails texts and continued to stalk and harass me for months despite a protection order. The abuse continued
He doesn't contact me now but I cried my eyes out everyday for 5 months and I still sometimes cry.
I go to al anon meetings weekly.
But I'm a sick person.
The reason for this is - a part of me still really loves him and I grieve for what could have been.
Thanks for reading
My name is meg and I'm 29 I'm a registered nurse, I have a gorgeous 9 year old daughter and a wonderful life full of friends, family and hope.
However I have been affected by alcoholism in more recent times, despite growing up with it from 6 to 16 yrs old as my stepfather had the disease.
And yes I do believe it is a disease, a mental illness of sorts. Anyway
I met my ex boyfriend 2 and a bit years ago and he was in addiction at the time. But I didn't really know much about it at this time as I was relatively new to the health profession and I had never really dealt with it before on such a personal level, like the kind of level where you are head over heels in love. so I figured this lovely gorgeous man probably just needed a good woman like me to help him find his way. And for a short while it kind of worked. Not for long though our first 6 months was volatile and I broke up with him nor than once. He was freaking crazy and despite my calm and rational attempts to talk to him about the things that stood in the way of a smooth relationship he still manipulated me into believing it was me that was the reason why he was acting the way he did. At the time, early on I saw two people- a really nice guy who seemed to be trying hard to please others and then another person who had no regard for others. It was exhausting to watch. Even more to love him. Which I did and I don't know why and I still sit here trying to figure that one out.
I've been in love three times and this relationship has totally destroyed me.
After our first 6 months he did some really nasty thing to me on New Year's Day 2015 which should have ended it for good- he sent a picture of his friends girlfriend sleeping in his bed ( at the time I didn't know she was with friend) so I thought he had cheated! He did this to hurt me. And he certainly did. What kind of evil does that ??
Anyway lots of remorse followed and he decided that it was the final straw and he needed to get sober.
I should have dumped him. I remember that day , I wanted to die I was so gutted.
So he got sober and he lasted 6 months. He went camping one night and drank a bottle of gin on his own. Well I wasn't happy but hey he had six months up ?? Hmmm
After that I became very depressed anxious and I felt like I was slipping away from myself and my sanity. He sucked the life out of me. It felt like the world revolves around him. And i lost myself, so 5 months after the camping lapse he began drinking while I was at work. One night in December he sent me a text while o was on an afternoon shift saying he got a six pack of near beer for us to share. I said that we don't drink together ?
When I got home he disappeared. I lost my ability to stay calm and I ended our relationship. He moved out in January. He assaulted me on the 22nd of Jan while he was in a blackout he came to my house during the night and glassed me in front of my daughter who was in bed with me and ripped my hair out and punched me in the face. I have no scars. I'm lucky.
He sent emails texts and continued to stalk and harass me for months despite a protection order. The abuse continued
He doesn't contact me now but I cried my eyes out everyday for 5 months and I still sometimes cry.
I go to al anon meetings weekly.
But I'm a sick person.
The reason for this is - a part of me still really loves him and I grieve for what could have been.
Thanks for reading
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm sorry for all that you've been through. Glad you are safe and are going to meetings--it takes time to heal.
I'd suggest it might also benefit you to seek out some support for the violence you experienced. I've worked professionally in the DV field for a long time, and the abuse is a completely separate issue from the alcoholism. Drinking might make it worse, but the vast majority of alcoholics are not physically abusive. Separating those in your mind might help you to recognize that even if he was sick with addiction, he had other serious issues that put you (and your daughter) in danger.
Hugs, hope you will stick around. This is a great group.
I'd suggest it might also benefit you to seek out some support for the violence you experienced. I've worked professionally in the DV field for a long time, and the abuse is a completely separate issue from the alcoholism. Drinking might make it worse, but the vast majority of alcoholics are not physically abusive. Separating those in your mind might help you to recognize that even if he was sick with addiction, he had other serious issues that put you (and your daughter) in danger.
Hugs, hope you will stick around. This is a great group.
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