Nata1980

BB - his mom could look after him, since she supervises the visit anyway, but it would be up to XAH to arrange, not for me to offer as a solution

There is most certainly a meeting and he talks to his sponsor (I know him from the time we lived in the area). He shared that emphasis is on growing up (duh) and he made responsible arrangements during this past weekend - where he went to a different meeting in the evening after I got back.....I can most certainly see improvement. I am not getting my hopes up though....

pndm07

the reason where we are is that you managed to lower my expectations to a point of no return. He is still early in his recovery lol.

XAH is overdoing it a little bit with attempts to Skype/call me today....left a message, talking about him going through pictures and old cards in a basement (eye roll).

I feel the same way about the expectations. He lowered them to the point where I can never expect anything - zero, nada, no long term planning. I can ask him to do things here and there as long as he is sober but since I never know when the next relapse will come. I can't rely on him for anything that would involve consistency. This is why I am hiring babysitters for my son even though he has the time to do things that I am hiring sitters for. My AH is also calling me and coming over a lot and it's hard on me; wish and hope I can get to the point where he is in the "great ex husband" category. It's hard! You sound like you have the right attitude!!

pndm07

I meant to put the first two paragraphs in quotes - sorry! Still figuring out some of the technicalities of this forum!

Nata1980

I figured those meant to be in quotes. In our case XAH is about 250 miles away so it is hard for him to "drop by all the time". I can only imagine how hard it is for you - his constant attempts to Skype are hard enough to handle.....if he was around he would be constantly in the house. In fact - this is how the divorce proceedings were stopped 3 years ago - he was so nice and helpful and sweet to our son. So slowly but surely he made his way back into the house. Things were great for about half a year and then fights and laziness started again, and all down hill from there. Keep standing your ground - you are doing great! I wonder it you could set up a schedule for his visits - you can "blame" it in your son's need for routine I really feel like we were married to the same guy tho

Refiner

Good Lord just casually reading through posts such as in this thread makes you shake your head we're talking about grown @$$ men and how they are the ones needing supervision and their Mommies still just to "do life". SMH.

Nata1980

Yup. What helped me be less angry about this situation is that I would never want to be him, in his situation. I don't envy him one bit - what a nightmare. The most amusing part is that I am 13 years his junior. So glad to let go of a role of "tough mother".