He's Gone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
He's Gone
For those of you who don't know, my H and I have been together for 30 years - 20 years married.
He came home to me drunk and started his drunken BS for the last time tonight. I packed him a bag and he left in a drunken fit of glory.
I am certain that this is right thing to do. I have been talking to him about the fact that I wanted him to move out for over a month and hoped to avoid having him leave when he was wasted. However, that's the way it worked out.
There was no screaming or crying from me. I just said "You know, it's time for you to go." There was plenty of screaming from him but I kept my side of the street clean.
I'm not sure how I feel right now. Relieved that this part is over - not looking forward to what is, I'm sure, to come. I know that I can handle whatever comes my way but still, it's daunting. I guess I feel more nervous than upset.
I hesitated to write here tonight because I don't want anyone to think that my way is the only way - it's not. This is the right way for me - I know that for sure because I have taken the time and done the work to get to the point where I know what I want for me. I've changed so much in the last year - definately for the better.
I decided that I wanted to write because I need the support of friends and I count you all as my friends.
Throw me some encouraging words if you would and keep both of us in your prayers.
Thanks - L
He came home to me drunk and started his drunken BS for the last time tonight. I packed him a bag and he left in a drunken fit of glory.
I am certain that this is right thing to do. I have been talking to him about the fact that I wanted him to move out for over a month and hoped to avoid having him leave when he was wasted. However, that's the way it worked out.
There was no screaming or crying from me. I just said "You know, it's time for you to go." There was plenty of screaming from him but I kept my side of the street clean.
I'm not sure how I feel right now. Relieved that this part is over - not looking forward to what is, I'm sure, to come. I know that I can handle whatever comes my way but still, it's daunting. I guess I feel more nervous than upset.
I hesitated to write here tonight because I don't want anyone to think that my way is the only way - it's not. This is the right way for me - I know that for sure because I have taken the time and done the work to get to the point where I know what I want for me. I've changed so much in the last year - definately for the better.
I decided that I wanted to write because I need the support of friends and I count you all as my friends.
Throw me some encouraging words if you would and keep both of us in your prayers.
Thanks - L
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: A very sad place
Posts: 115
Lorelai,
I am adding you to my prayers. The act of him leaving is over but the pain of the loss has yet to begin. I had to ask my AH of 25 years to leave after a drunken rage. For the first few weeks my hurt and anger carried me, then reality hit that he was really gone and the pain and heartache began. I will pray for your strength and wish for you peace and hope in the upcoming trials.
Hugs
Kat
I am adding you to my prayers. The act of him leaving is over but the pain of the loss has yet to begin. I had to ask my AH of 25 years to leave after a drunken rage. For the first few weeks my hurt and anger carried me, then reality hit that he was really gone and the pain and heartache began. I will pray for your strength and wish for you peace and hope in the upcoming trials.
Hugs
Kat
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Lorelei -
It sounds to me like you have known for a while that this would happen. You made yourself ready for it. Mine left the house in the back seat of a cop car and remained in jail until I packed up and left. It was heartbreaking to see what he had become and I think I was probably in a state of shock for weeks. In my mind I had been preparing myself as well. He binged for a month and each day was worse and worse and then he snapped. I knew that if he ever laid a hand on me that it would be the last time - and it was. I moved 600 miles away which has made it so much easier for me. Know that you did what was right for you. You'll have some tough moments but believe me, the sense of peace that comes from not living with the daily stress and anxiety is worth all the tough moments. I still care about him and wish him the best. I hope and pray that he can hang on to his new found sobriety but whatever happens, he will have to live whatever life he chooses without me. I like my new life, I enjoy being on my own and hope that you will find the same to be true for you.
Big hugs to you and know that we are all here for you.
Jo
It sounds to me like you have known for a while that this would happen. You made yourself ready for it. Mine left the house in the back seat of a cop car and remained in jail until I packed up and left. It was heartbreaking to see what he had become and I think I was probably in a state of shock for weeks. In my mind I had been preparing myself as well. He binged for a month and each day was worse and worse and then he snapped. I knew that if he ever laid a hand on me that it would be the last time - and it was. I moved 600 miles away which has made it so much easier for me. Know that you did what was right for you. You'll have some tough moments but believe me, the sense of peace that comes from not living with the daily stress and anxiety is worth all the tough moments. I still care about him and wish him the best. I hope and pray that he can hang on to his new found sobriety but whatever happens, he will have to live whatever life he chooses without me. I like my new life, I enjoy being on my own and hope that you will find the same to be true for you.
Big hugs to you and know that we are all here for you.
Jo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 146
Lorelai,
I've been amazed at the way your natural wisdom has expressed itself over these last months - if you feel you've done the right thing, then you have. You handled your situation with real courage and compassion. You deserve the best.
Sa
I've been amazed at the way your natural wisdom has expressed itself over these last months - if you feel you've done the right thing, then you have. You handled your situation with real courage and compassion. You deserve the best.
Sa
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by Lorelai
Throw me some encouraging words if you would and keep both of us in your prayers.
Thanks - L
No need to give you words...you already posted them
"You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.. "
You did what the facts you found told you was better for you.
For some that may be the better choice. For some, other ways may be the better choice. The choice is ours to make as we feel is the best to do.
People may always find fault no matter what choices we make.
You did what you feel you needed to do. May it be a choice that brings healing to you both.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: somewhere safe
Posts: 103
Lorelai - You are so courageous - to do what is right for you. I have betrayed myself so many times in an attempt to live with an AH. That is the worst betrayal of all. I lie to myself that things will change, that things will get better. I have not been trustworthy but have expected him to be. I have been faithless to me - to my beliefs, values, dreams. It sounds like you are making all the right steps to be the best friend to you that you can be. People come and go in our lives but everytime you turn around there you are. The road will not be easy but you are stronger than you know. Living all those years with an AH, you have gained wisdom and strength beyond what most people will ever know. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Live Strong
Live Strong
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Lorelai,
When you were ready, you did what you needed to do to take care of yourself and your family. I know the upcoming weeks will be hard but you will be fine. I will keep you both in my prayers.
Hugs,
JG
When you were ready, you did what you needed to do to take care of yourself and your family. I know the upcoming weeks will be hard but you will be fine. I will keep you both in my prayers.
Hugs,
JG
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lorelai
If and when the time comes, we usually know it. That doesn't make it any less painful, but it does help us move forward.
The coming days may be difficult and sad for you, but just know that we're here and we care.
Hugs
Ann
If and when the time comes, we usually know it. That doesn't make it any less painful, but it does help us move forward.
The coming days may be difficult and sad for you, but just know that we're here and we care.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
WOW - I asked for encouraging words and everyone sure delivered. Thanks to everyone who wrote - your words give me strength.
I do have peace with my decision. I'm not angry and I don't hate him. This really has nothing to do with him at all. It is entirely a decision based on what I want my life to be.
My HP has led me through so many lessons and helped me find so much understanding. I'm sure there are many more lessons to be learned in the coming months and I am, as always, a willing student.
Thank you all so much for being there for me. Every person on this board has helped me more than you will ever know. I am eternally grateful.
L
I do have peace with my decision. I'm not angry and I don't hate him. This really has nothing to do with him at all. It is entirely a decision based on what I want my life to be.
My HP has led me through so many lessons and helped me find so much understanding. I'm sure there are many more lessons to be learned in the coming months and I am, as always, a willing student.
Thank you all so much for being there for me. Every person on this board has helped me more than you will ever know. I am eternally grateful.
L
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Lorelai,
I second the statement that your signature says it all. I copied it and shared it with several friends becase there is power in truth, and to me these words speak like a 900 lb gorilla - "You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.. ."
One day at a time my dear, one day at a time.
Wishing you peace today,
Petunia
I second the statement that your signature says it all. I copied it and shared it with several friends becase there is power in truth, and to me these words speak like a 900 lb gorilla - "You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.. ."
One day at a time my dear, one day at a time.
Wishing you peace today,
Petunia
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Lorelai,
I know how much soul searching you have done. I know that you have focussed on you and made the changes. You have done the work and trusted the process. Knowing that this is a step in your journey and not the solution to all your problems, you are going to get through this with much gained. You have my support as well as my respect. Hugs, Magic
I know how much soul searching you have done. I know that you have focussed on you and made the changes. You have done the work and trusted the process. Knowing that this is a step in your journey and not the solution to all your problems, you are going to get through this with much gained. You have my support as well as my respect. Hugs, Magic
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