Am I going crazy......
 

Last night I agreed to help my XABF move his motorcycle to his new place. We stopped to get something to eat, & we talked. He says he has cut way back on his drinking, he was so nice, & he seems to be very motivated to get his new business up & running. I hope for his sake that is the case, but I have no idea if it will be, & it is very easy to put a show on for someone when you only see them once a week. I started questioning myself about his past behaviors, & if I have been overreacting, but I do have a list of why we are breaking up that I make myself keep reading. His new apartment is nowhere near as nice as what he is used to living in, & he says he does miss my house, but nothing about missing me. I told him I did miss a few things about living with him, but there were more things I didn’t miss. He would like to continue to see me on a casual basis, but I do not want that with someone I have been with for 4 years. He brought me home, & I had tears in my eyes the entire time. When I got home, I told him I cannot keep going through this every time I see him, & I broke down crying in front of him. He said he loved me, but had no compassion, & he drove away. I just cried myself to sleep, & then this morning saw that his golf clubs are still at my house. I thought I could continue to see him as friends, but I can’t keep going through this heartache every time. I know I need to go no contact, but my heart & mind are in a tug-of-war.

Under the BEST of circumstances, it is usually not reasonable to expect that a friendship will be an acceptable alternative to both parties immediately after a break up. And my friend, yours were and are far from the best of circumstances.

Time and distance after a break up are important for your own well-being. You don't owe him anything, and you owe yourself the opportunity to really heal and move on.

I went through a very similar feeling where I wondered if I was overreacting. Time, space and healing helped me see that I was not overreacting. Seeing someone once a week will be confusing because you will only see the best parts of them. You know what he's like all the time, not just when he's on his best behavior. I would certainly recommend no contact.

Yankeegirl....keep your HEAD in charge. Don't seco nd guess yourself!!
You can't trust your "heart", right now. You are too vulnerable.

No contact is the shortest route for healing the pain.
You will grieve for a while...but, that doesn't mean that you have made a "mistake"....it is actually the first, necessary, stage of healing!

Keep reading that list of yours. A hundred times a day, if necessary...lol...

You will get past this...just stay the course!

dandylion

I was in a similar situation, I had to block all contact and we have a son together. Things are fine now, but that first year he was only allowed to contact me if there was a medical emergency with our son. And I am do thankful to God, that he is a good dad to our son

Yankeegirl....to answer your question: No--you are NOT going crazy. Your feelings are typical for what you are going through,

Actually, you are going SANE!!.....lol....

dandylion

I hadn't seen my ex for a year before last Friday. He came to my place of business, and was nice, although he used the "F" word in his opening sentence to me, while complaining about my coworkers.
He had to come back this past Monday, and was his usual downer self.

I am TOTALLY okay with this, because at this point, I realize he is just being himself. I don't not have any expectations for him, and I do not look to him for comfort or validation.

As a matter of fact, I don't look to ANYBODY for comfort or validation at this point. Friends who will do this for you and are real, are very rare. I have some new acquaintances who might or might not turn into real friends. We'll see.

If you are okay seeing your ex without getting upset, then so be it. It sounds like this is difficult for you. All you can do, is what you can do.

Thanks again everyone. Just writing it down & talking to all of you helps put it all in perspective. I am going out of town this weekend to spend some time with a longtime friend that has been there for me through a lot. First time I have truly looked forward to something in a while!