She Got Fired. Of Course, It's My Fault
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, moms SHOULD be attached to their kids. But they also have to be good moms, and be able to really BE there for their kids. Hopefully someday she will be--nobody is truly hopeless--but you guys need to be safe in the meantime.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
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Update: She starts a new job on Monday! It's with a large, international company, and the possibilities for advancement are unlimited. It's also an increase in pay over the old job from which she was fired.
There will also be occasional travel involved, so DS and I will get a break now and then. Praying that she doesn't F-up this one!
There will also be occasional travel involved, so DS and I will get a break now and then. Praying that she doesn't F-up this one!
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
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COD, you understand that she might well be fired from this job, too, if she continues her downward spiral with alcohol, right?
Do I remember correctly that one of the reasons you were delaying the divorce process was your concern that her being unemployed would affect support and custody? So this might be a chance to move forward?
I also read on your other thread that she's driving your son to school in the morning. As her drinking progresses, she may well still be under the influence from the night before...there's a limit as to how fast any body can completely process alcohol in large amounts. She may also be drinking more in the night or in the morning than you're aware of...something to watch for...
Wishing you and your son a better life.
Do I remember correctly that one of the reasons you were delaying the divorce process was your concern that her being unemployed would affect support and custody? So this might be a chance to move forward?
I also read on your other thread that she's driving your son to school in the morning. As her drinking progresses, she may well still be under the influence from the night before...there's a limit as to how fast any body can completely process alcohol in large amounts. She may also be drinking more in the night or in the morning than you're aware of...something to watch for...
Wishing you and your son a better life.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
I also read on your other thread that she's driving your son to school in the morning. As her drinking progresses, she may well still be under the influence from the night before...
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Glad things are looking up for her. How about you though?
+1 on above - I would not let her drive my child to school. She could drink in the car for all you know. I was 100% sure XAH was sober until I was not. And then turns out he was dabbling in prescription meds for 2 years. That really taught me that I don't know unless there is a drug screen and blood alcohol test. Which is now subjected to, randomly.
+1 on above - I would not let her drive my child to school. She could drink in the car for all you know. I was 100% sure XAH was sober until I was not. And then turns out he was dabbling in prescription meds for 2 years. That really taught me that I don't know unless there is a drug screen and blood alcohol test. Which is now subjected to, randomly.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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COD.....not only is it possible for that to change..it is predictable that it will change (if it already hasn't). Of course, with the new job...she may not actually imbibe in the early part of the day. Not working did give her a lot more leeway.
Depending on how much she drinks, in the evenings, her blood level of alcohol may not be completely at zero in the mornings.
She could, actually, go on for a very long time, like this. Managing to "keep the wofves away from the door". Appearing to function in the mornings...and catch up on the drinking, in the evenings. Some people do this for years..before it finally catches up with them and the world comes crashing down around them.
There is one absolute fact, COD.....alcoholism is progressive...always.
It will get worse over time. It will become harder and harder for her to function. Alcohol will take it's toll on her emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Here is another fact...and a big one....Alcoholism takes a toll on all members of the family--not just the alcoholic. Here is where y ou come in....It will be up to you as to how much you are going to let her alcoholism affect you...because , it will.....
The best t hing that you could do for yourself is to begin going to alanon or other support group...and your own individual counselor (if you haven't, already)...what could it hurt?
Depending on how much she drinks, in the evenings, her blood level of alcohol may not be completely at zero in the mornings.
She could, actually, go on for a very long time, like this. Managing to "keep the wofves away from the door". Appearing to function in the mornings...and catch up on the drinking, in the evenings. Some people do this for years..before it finally catches up with them and the world comes crashing down around them.
There is one absolute fact, COD.....alcoholism is progressive...always.
It will get worse over time. It will become harder and harder for her to function. Alcohol will take it's toll on her emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Here is another fact...and a big one....Alcoholism takes a toll on all members of the family--not just the alcoholic. Here is where y ou come in....It will be up to you as to how much you are going to let her alcoholism affect you...because , it will.....
The best t hing that you could do for yourself is to begin going to alanon or other support group...and your own individual counselor (if you haven't, already)...what could it hurt?
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Many states have adopted the 12 hour rule after a DUI arrest. They hold the vehicle and person for at least 12 hours in order for the arrested individual to reach sobriety. Often they will release the person into the custody of someone who agrees to sign off on the fact that they will assume responsibility of the person for the next 12 hours.
Depending on how much alcohol is consumed by your wife at night, it could be she is still intoxicated enough to get a DUI while driving your child to school, as long as you fully understand that and feel ok with her driving, that’s your decision.
Depending on how much alcohol is consumed by your wife at night, it could be she is still intoxicated enough to get a DUI while driving your child to school, as long as you fully understand that and feel ok with her driving, that’s your decision.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Amazingly enough, mine always managed to land GREAT jobs too. It astounded me how she could basically be discovered as an unreliable drunk company liability, yet land a better paying job after the last one. Happened 3 times in the time we were together.
Yet no matter how good the job was, the finances were a mess, the dramas continued, and the drinking was ever present, if we knew where to look.
I think they go into "crisis sobriety" when they lose a job. Stay focused, impress the new employer, with what appears (and was) exceptional talent, interview well, land a job and then its like.....whew....OK back to normal.....and it starts again. Usually takes months before it bleeds into the new job. Then I started to hear about "conflicts" at work....never her fault........never remotely alcohol related.......until in the end....you hear......well we only had a few drinks at company functions etc. He started making sexual advances......it wasn't my fault......
It almost became like a script that played out.
I recently came across an ex worker of hers at an ex company of hers. He told me that he had heard that my ex was complaining that "So and So", whom he knew for years, was supposedly making advances at her.
He said, I've know him for a LOT of years and one thing he isn't, is a womanizing cheater. He was very convinced that she was trying to set him up as a target for her sudden departure. Why, because she had done the same thing at their company when they worked there together.
So please, while I'm happy for you, don't assume this is the beginning of a new world for you.
Yet no matter how good the job was, the finances were a mess, the dramas continued, and the drinking was ever present, if we knew where to look.
I think they go into "crisis sobriety" when they lose a job. Stay focused, impress the new employer, with what appears (and was) exceptional talent, interview well, land a job and then its like.....whew....OK back to normal.....and it starts again. Usually takes months before it bleeds into the new job. Then I started to hear about "conflicts" at work....never her fault........never remotely alcohol related.......until in the end....you hear......well we only had a few drinks at company functions etc. He started making sexual advances......it wasn't my fault......
It almost became like a script that played out.
I recently came across an ex worker of hers at an ex company of hers. He told me that he had heard that my ex was complaining that "So and So", whom he knew for years, was supposedly making advances at her.
He said, I've know him for a LOT of years and one thing he isn't, is a womanizing cheater. He was very convinced that she was trying to set him up as a target for her sudden departure. Why, because she had done the same thing at their company when they worked there together.
So please, while I'm happy for you, don't assume this is the beginning of a new world for you.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I'm really happy that this piece is working itself out COD - it's to your benefit for her to be gainfully employed & financially independent.
I do agree with others that it's a "when-not-if" she will run into issues at the new job so long as she is actively drinking & progressing in her disease. I'm of the same mind as Hangn & the "crisis sobriety" theory - I'm inclined to believe that she'll toe the line professionally for a while & that will be further proof to herself that she doesn't have a problem & then things will start to slowly ramp up all over again. Especially since she doesn't see how alcohol played any part in losing her last position. Hang in there!
I do agree with others that it's a "when-not-if" she will run into issues at the new job so long as she is actively drinking & progressing in her disease. I'm of the same mind as Hangn & the "crisis sobriety" theory - I'm inclined to believe that she'll toe the line professionally for a while & that will be further proof to herself that she doesn't have a problem & then things will start to slowly ramp up all over again. Especially since she doesn't see how alcohol played any part in losing her last position. Hang in there!
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