She Got Fired. Of Course, It's My Fault
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 163
My soon to be EXAW blames me for everything. Its just what they do. You did the right thing by not engaging her when she was drunk. Took me years to figure that one out but I refuse to discuss anything with her when she is drinking.
Mine would also threaten to leave. Happiest day of my life was when she left. It may seem rough now but your life is about to dramatically improve. Mine sure has.
Mine would also threaten to leave. Happiest day of my life was when she left. It may seem rough now but your life is about to dramatically improve. Mine sure has.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad 
The boss' wife found out that he had feelings, deep feelings, for my AW, so she took away his b*lls and told him that my AW needed to go away. Boss's wife comes from money and is set to inherit a good chunk when her parents pass. He doesn't want to miss that, so the wife runs the show. In the end, she won.
He doesn't like his wife one bit, but he's also a greedy SOB. Quite dysfunctional
He doesn't like his wife one bit, but he's also a greedy SOB. Quite dysfunctional
Because it's entirely possible her drinking and drama seeking was the real reason once her boss woke up to that reality and started actually thinking again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: PA
Posts: 29
Some thing I preach to myself everyday. Blame is assignment of the Power to Change. The more I blame, the less I can change. The more people blame me, the less likely they are to change.
When the blame first started in my relationship, it was heartbreaking and pissed me off too. But then it was lot and I started to blame back, because obviously, if she weren't so damn crazy I wouldn't be. But then I realized that giving the Power to Change to someone that had not intention of changing was just stupidity on my part. So I tried to take it back and I changed and I am still changing. I actually enjoy it. I still have my family, though I took a 3 month break a little bit back, crazy got too much for me and I have a nervous breakdown. People pleasing and trying to control is receipt for disaster.
Not engaging in crazy sort of puts it back where it comes from. None of us are perfect and I don't expect anyone to be. But when **** ain't my fault, I don't give it the time of day.
When the blame first started in my relationship, it was heartbreaking and pissed me off too. But then it was lot and I started to blame back, because obviously, if she weren't so damn crazy I wouldn't be. But then I realized that giving the Power to Change to someone that had not intention of changing was just stupidity on my part. So I tried to take it back and I changed and I am still changing. I actually enjoy it. I still have my family, though I took a 3 month break a little bit back, crazy got too much for me and I have a nervous breakdown. People pleasing and trying to control is receipt for disaster.
Not engaging in crazy sort of puts it back where it comes from. None of us are perfect and I don't expect anyone to be. But when **** ain't my fault, I don't give it the time of day.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
The boss' wife found out that he had feelings, deep feelings, for my AW, so she took away his b*lls and told him that my AW needed to go away. Boss's wife comes from money and is set to inherit a good chunk when her parents pass. He doesn't want to miss that, so the wife runs the show. In the end, she won.
He doesn't like his wife one bit, but he's also a greedy SOB. Quite dysfunctional
He doesn't like his wife one bit, but he's also a greedy SOB. Quite dysfunctional
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I agree it is past time to remove AW from your life. Just to for warn you. A sh_t storm is going to start with her telling anyone that will listen what an evil person you are. I would very carefully document her behaviors, times dates amounts language for ammunition in the up coming battle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
I agree it is past time to remove AW from your life. Just to for warn you. A sh_t storm is going to start with her telling anyone that will listen what an evil person you are. I would very carefully document her behaviors, times dates amounts language for ammunition in the up coming battle
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
COD, i'm guessing you only get this whole work soap opera story from AW's side right? please keep that in mind.....she's full of sh!t. its entirely possible there never WAS an affair, only in her mind.
but the woman is unbalanced and really has to go. you may now suddenly be at a disadvantage since she has no income.......
but the woman is unbalanced and really has to go. you may now suddenly be at a disadvantage since she has no income.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
She showed me text mssgs and FB chats where he is fawning all over her, even saying that he loved her - but I have asked NUMEROUS times where her "STOP NOW" replies were... Miraculously, she can't seem to find those. She's an ACoA - she craves attention, regardless of who/what it is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
I've kept a log/diary for the past 4 years. Dates/times/behaviors/blackouts/you-name-it
Hugs to you. It will be a trying time, but the rewards once it's over are priceless!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
Originally Posted by thephoenixrises
Keep documenting...I agree with MRI-she's going to tell anyone she can that you're crazy and evil (you are not) to distract from HER crazy and evil and issues. Get ready. She needs to GOOOOOOO...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 144
No need to explain the logic as there is none and it's not your fault.
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
AW got fired last night - the emotional affair that supposedly never happened, caught up with her. The guy was being an a**, and it wasn't right to do this, but it's done.
Later in the evening, when I'm ready to go to bed, and she's consumed a bottle of wine on very little dinner - it comes out that it's now MY fault it came to this.
Let me explain her supposed logic: because I've been such a sh**ty husband throughout the entire marriage, I basically FORCED her to run into this guy's arms! She was "vulnerable", and that's why it happened. How's that for logic?
She wanted me to tell her what my issue is with her, but I told her that it was not a good time, that I would in the morning. I'm not engaging with someone under the influence. She threatened to leave if I didn't tell her - I said that she had a right to make that decision and that I wouldn't stop her if that's the path she chose. I have a letter that I composed that I will read to her - that will explain everything.
It finally de-escalated and I was able to go to bed. And, she was still there in the morning. Quack quack.
She said she's done with the marriage and will leave. More quacking - I've heard this same story the last 5 years.
I'm going to see if I can move up my next attorney consult to next week from 9/2.
This is so incredibly draining.
COD
Later in the evening, when I'm ready to go to bed, and she's consumed a bottle of wine on very little dinner - it comes out that it's now MY fault it came to this.
Let me explain her supposed logic: because I've been such a sh**ty husband throughout the entire marriage, I basically FORCED her to run into this guy's arms! She was "vulnerable", and that's why it happened. How's that for logic?
She wanted me to tell her what my issue is with her, but I told her that it was not a good time, that I would in the morning. I'm not engaging with someone under the influence. She threatened to leave if I didn't tell her - I said that she had a right to make that decision and that I wouldn't stop her if that's the path she chose. I have a letter that I composed that I will read to her - that will explain everything.
It finally de-escalated and I was able to go to bed. And, she was still there in the morning. Quack quack.
She said she's done with the marriage and will leave. More quacking - I've heard this same story the last 5 years.
I'm going to see if I can move up my next attorney consult to next week from 9/2.
This is so incredibly draining.
COD
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
You posted here 4 years ago with her threatening to divorce.
Its way past time my friend.
Don't make it another 4. Sorry you are going through this, but I am not surprised he fired her. That's what happens.....
Its way past time my friend.
Don't make it another 4. Sorry you are going through this, but I am not surprised he fired her. That's what happens.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
Let me explain her supposed logic: because I've been such a sh**ty husband throughout the entire marriage, I basically FORCED her to run into this guy's arms! She was "vulnerable", and that's why it happened. How's that for logic?
This is so incredibly draining.
And what I am left coping with now that Im not in the mix of it with xAH, is realizing HOW MUCH energy I invested in xAH's antics like those of your AW when I was with him and how little that left of me for my kids...Even if you are not totally ready to be done with her and hold out hope for your marriage, maybe it's time for your kids (or is it just one?- sorry I can not recall) to be free of the drama she brings.
So sorry for all you have to go through.
On a pragmatic note, I say strike while the iron is hot-- she has a drinking problem and has now been fired... You have a lot of cards in your favor for custody and a legal battle with an A (and my experience is that they always make it a nasty battle).
Moving the consult up sounds like a great idea.
Her being fired is NOT your fault. Repeat that to yourself over and over!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
