I miss him.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 11
I miss him.....
My AXBF moved out last weekend, & right at this moment I miss him so much, my heart aches. I miss when he kissed me goodbye every morning, even when I was sleeping. I miss his smile. I miss how proud he was to have me on his arm when we went out together. I miss seeing his name pop up on my phone. I miss his voice. He was always so good about texting me & calling me. I miss his arms around me.
I do not miss going to bars every night. Him staying downstairs at bedtime smoking his pot for hours to zone out, while I fell asleep waiting for him to come to bed. His constant anger at the world. His constant issues(self created)at work. How terrible he was with money. He spends it like there is no tomorrow, with no idea how much he has to spend. His inability to be intimate with me because he has such a low sex drive from pot & alcohol. How when he is too drunk, he looks at & flirts with every girl around(especially young ones) except for me. When he takes off & spends the night somewhere else because we got into another argument about his drinking when he was drunk. Him telling me I had become a bitch, when in reality I got sick of ignoring it for so long, that in the past year I started calling him out on everything.
I do not miss going to bars every night. Him staying downstairs at bedtime smoking his pot for hours to zone out, while I fell asleep waiting for him to come to bed. His constant anger at the world. His constant issues(self created)at work. How terrible he was with money. He spends it like there is no tomorrow, with no idea how much he has to spend. His inability to be intimate with me because he has such a low sex drive from pot & alcohol. How when he is too drunk, he looks at & flirts with every girl around(especially young ones) except for me. When he takes off & spends the night somewhere else because we got into another argument about his drinking when he was drunk. Him telling me I had become a bitch, when in reality I got sick of ignoring it for so long, that in the past year I started calling him out on everything.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
I feel your pain. You are not alone. Alcoholism creates a transitional period of some sort for all those it effects. Whether it is for those holding out hope, in the process of recovery or just deciding enough is enough.
It is uplifting for me to realize that soon I am going to be where you are. Maybe hurting, but free to be me.
Good luck to you.
It is uplifting for me to realize that soon I am going to be where you are. Maybe hurting, but free to be me.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 223
It's okay to miss something that is not good or healthy for you - I miss chocolate every day! :0 Honestly though, it's a good thing that you recognize and see the good and the bad-you didn't leave bc of the good, you left bc of the bad...and you made a good, strong choice - and the best one bc the more I read here, and from what I know in my own life, life with an alcoholic only gets worse...that is the only certainty. Hugs to you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
YankeeGirl.....I am not surprised that you miss him. When you have intimately bonded with someone, it hurts (like hell) to have to break the bonds.
There will be a necessary period of grieving.....no way around it....
Go ahead and cry as much as you need to get through....
In the overall picture....this is the necessary short-term pain for the long term gain...
This hurts for a while....and it finally fades away....
But,
Living with an active alcoholic...the pain doesn't go away--it gets worse.
Give yourself time...it won't always feel like this...
dandylion
There will be a necessary period of grieving.....no way around it....
Go ahead and cry as much as you need to get through....
In the overall picture....this is the necessary short-term pain for the long term gain...
This hurts for a while....and it finally fades away....
But,
Living with an active alcoholic...the pain doesn't go away--it gets worse.
Give yourself time...it won't always feel like this...
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
There are little intimacies that I also miss. Heck, we used to fall asleep every night holding hands. He had big, strong hands. Those I miss. The person attached to them? Not so much!
It gets better Yankee, believe me it does. Little by little, day by day. The farther you step away the more clear you are able to see what was really going on and then you get to the point where you look back and say to yourself " Awwww HELL NO. What the heck was I thinking????? Why didn't I feel like I deserved better??? And WHY did I put up with that craziness for as long as I did??"
Believe me, you will get there.
Ro
It gets better Yankee, believe me it does. Little by little, day by day. The farther you step away the more clear you are able to see what was really going on and then you get to the point where you look back and say to yourself " Awwww HELL NO. What the heck was I thinking????? Why didn't I feel like I deserved better??? And WHY did I put up with that craziness for as long as I did??"
Believe me, you will get there.
Ro
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 216
Good post, I feel for where you are Yankeegirl. Many similar feelings for me.
I like that you listed all the good things (every relationship, even with alcoholics, has those good sweet things) but then also listed all the things that were bad and the reasons that the relationship had to end.
An eye opening notion to me was that relationships should not bring so much hurt or pain or stress or despair on a regular basis. Every relationship has it challenges, but I realized mine was causing me stress or sadness or anger almost every day. Yes, in between there were moments of joy and love and fun and companionship.
But that's something that you should be enjoying EVERY day in a relationship, not just crumbs here and there where most days you are on eggshells. We deserve good things all the time, just not once in a while peppered in among all the stress and pain.
Congratulations for realizing what you had to do, and making the tough decision. I think it really is as close as we will feel to our own addiction, as they do to alcohol, when we have to put THEM down and resist picking them back up again, out of fear of starting the addiction all over again.
I will admit, when I think of how hard it is some days to miss her, I get a truer understanding of how hard it is for her to resist drinking.
I like that you listed all the good things (every relationship, even with alcoholics, has those good sweet things) but then also listed all the things that were bad and the reasons that the relationship had to end.
An eye opening notion to me was that relationships should not bring so much hurt or pain or stress or despair on a regular basis. Every relationship has it challenges, but I realized mine was causing me stress or sadness or anger almost every day. Yes, in between there were moments of joy and love and fun and companionship.
But that's something that you should be enjoying EVERY day in a relationship, not just crumbs here and there where most days you are on eggshells. We deserve good things all the time, just not once in a while peppered in among all the stress and pain.
Congratulations for realizing what you had to do, and making the tough decision. I think it really is as close as we will feel to our own addiction, as they do to alcohol, when we have to put THEM down and resist picking them back up again, out of fear of starting the addiction all over again.
I will admit, when I think of how hard it is some days to miss her, I get a truer understanding of how hard it is for her to resist drinking.
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