Scared they might see he was right
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
maybe you need to give yourself a break.....take a day off from all this thinking and planning and sorting out......let go of all the worry and go do something ridiculous, fun, or interesting. Take yourself to a movie, to the beach, to the museum. get OUT of your head....get out of the house!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 216
Great post on the exhaustion that comes with the care. You lose yourself because you put so much of your mind to the other person.
As your brain starts to come out of that mindset, and I have had my days where that happens, it's sort of amazing when you realize just how much of your time/energy/thought/day you had given over to THEM!
It will take a while to learn how we can use this newfound time and energy to enhance our own lives, but we will figure it out.
As your brain starts to come out of that mindset, and I have had my days where that happens, it's sort of amazing when you realize just how much of your time/energy/thought/day you had given over to THEM!
It will take a while to learn how we can use this newfound time and energy to enhance our own lives, but we will figure it out.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 120
We give the As so much of our mental energy. It's like you're saying "Hey brain, knock it off, wanna get some rest, wanna relax and read this article" and your brain is like "Hell naw, let's think about that time he embarrassed us 3 years ago. Or how bout when he broke that thing while drunk and never replaced it!"
When I start to get lost in that whirlwind of thoughts of the past, present, and future tripping, I go do something by myself. I might go browse at the store, take a drive and blast the music, or go get my nails or toes done.
It takes time to care less about what certain people think. I tend to not share much these days. They all know anyway. I know they gossip about us. But I know their lives aren't spotless either, so it kind of keeps everybody in check, you know? It takes time and it's SO hard to be patient, but sometimes we have no choice.
When I start to get lost in that whirlwind of thoughts of the past, present, and future tripping, I go do something by myself. I might go browse at the store, take a drive and blast the music, or go get my nails or toes done.
It takes time to care less about what certain people think. I tend to not share much these days. They all know anyway. I know they gossip about us. But I know their lives aren't spotless either, so it kind of keeps everybody in check, you know? It takes time and it's SO hard to be patient, but sometimes we have no choice.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Hugs to you Expanding!
I've been struggling with this too.
My Separated AH's family knows full well he has a drinking problem, but they do not know the extent of it, or how abusive he was to me. And I know it's not my place to tell them. Though I did share plenty with them earlier on. When his alcoholism was coming to a head a couple of years ago, I did go to them, with good intentions. But looking back, I wish I had not shared as much as I did... Someone who is not living it cannot fully understand...
And yeah, as was stated above, they are HIS family, so they are going to be on "his side" and support him...
For me, I think, as I've been starting to work my own recovery, and I'm seeing more and more of MY part in the dysfunction that occurred in our relationship, I'm worrying more about whether others saw that too... and the things that he WAS right about. And that they'll think... well, he was right about that, so he must be right about all of it. She really must be crazy. No wonder he drank and treated her the way he did....
I know it doesn't matter what they think.... I know it's none of my business, but it sure is hard not stop my mind from going there!
I've been struggling with this too.
My Separated AH's family knows full well he has a drinking problem, but they do not know the extent of it, or how abusive he was to me. And I know it's not my place to tell them. Though I did share plenty with them earlier on. When his alcoholism was coming to a head a couple of years ago, I did go to them, with good intentions. But looking back, I wish I had not shared as much as I did... Someone who is not living it cannot fully understand...
And yeah, as was stated above, they are HIS family, so they are going to be on "his side" and support him...
For me, I think, as I've been starting to work my own recovery, and I'm seeing more and more of MY part in the dysfunction that occurred in our relationship, I'm worrying more about whether others saw that too... and the things that he WAS right about. And that they'll think... well, he was right about that, so he must be right about all of it. She really must be crazy. No wonder he drank and treated her the way he did....
I know it doesn't matter what they think.... I know it's none of my business, but it sure is hard not stop my mind from going there!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
Heard he's calling me crazy again!
Stupid me told him not to talk about me and of course, he denies it. I'm starting to think he has no idea what comes out of his mouth and to whom, I say this because I used to dissociate all the time without realizing and could've done the same exact thing. He needs to prove he can't wait for this to be over and pick up the frigging pace. Actions versus words argument yet again. It's kind of comforting to know that some things never change.
We already spoke about not speaking about each other and I'm sorry, but someone who isn't doing that wouldn't have someone "tell me what they said so I can say if it's true or not". Wrong answer because NONE of it would be true! I'm starting to see through the manipulations, it just makes me so sick to my stomach. Next time I'm not even going to say anything to him. I feel like he baited me into speaking to him even if it was negative
Stupid me told him not to talk about me and of course, he denies it. I'm starting to think he has no idea what comes out of his mouth and to whom, I say this because I used to dissociate all the time without realizing and could've done the same exact thing. He needs to prove he can't wait for this to be over and pick up the frigging pace. Actions versus words argument yet again. It's kind of comforting to know that some things never change.
We already spoke about not speaking about each other and I'm sorry, but someone who isn't doing that wouldn't have someone "tell me what they said so I can say if it's true or not". Wrong answer because NONE of it would be true! I'm starting to see through the manipulations, it just makes me so sick to my stomach. Next time I'm not even going to say anything to him. I feel like he baited me into speaking to him even if it was negative
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
We already spoke about not speaking about each other
and then keep speaking to each other.........
i'm not sure who your "town crier" is , giving you info and tidbits on the "What he said today" line, but cut them off. gossip, hearsay and FB are soul destroying. here is where you have to work on the new motto:
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!
and for the most part, people don't spend nearly as much time thinking about US as we think or would like to think they do. why? cuz they are too busy thinking about themselves and what others think of them!
dude is a putz. let him be putzy. restrict contact to ONLY about actual transactions related to the real estate. NOTHING else. you have to be the one to cut the cord............let go or be dragged.
and then keep speaking to each other.........
i'm not sure who your "town crier" is , giving you info and tidbits on the "What he said today" line, but cut them off. gossip, hearsay and FB are soul destroying. here is where you have to work on the new motto:
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!
and for the most part, people don't spend nearly as much time thinking about US as we think or would like to think they do. why? cuz they are too busy thinking about themselves and what others think of them!
dude is a putz. let him be putzy. restrict contact to ONLY about actual transactions related to the real estate. NOTHING else. you have to be the one to cut the cord............let go or be dragged.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
We already spoke about not speaking about each other
and then keep speaking to each other.........
i'm not sure who your "town crier" is , giving you info and tidbits on the "What he said today" line, but cut them off. gossip, hearsay and FB are soul destroying. here is where you have to work on the new motto:
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!
and for the most part, people don't spend nearly as much time thinking about US as we think or would like to think they do. why? cuz they are too busy thinking about themselves and what others think of them!
dude is a putz. let him be putzy. restrict contact to ONLY about actual transactions related to the real estate. NOTHING else. you have to be the one to cut the cord............let go or be dragged.
and then keep speaking to each other.........
i'm not sure who your "town crier" is , giving you info and tidbits on the "What he said today" line, but cut them off. gossip, hearsay and FB are soul destroying. here is where you have to work on the new motto:
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!
and for the most part, people don't spend nearly as much time thinking about US as we think or would like to think they do. why? cuz they are too busy thinking about themselves and what others think of them!
dude is a putz. let him be putzy. restrict contact to ONLY about actual transactions related to the real estate. NOTHING else. you have to be the one to cut the cord............let go or be dragged.
Putzy.... I like that one. Gonna incorporate that one into my vocabulary.
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