What's normal?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
What's normal?
I ask myself this so often. Have for years.
I'm a "normie" with an AH. After arguments or disagreements, the things we fight over, the reactions, all of it. I am always replaying things in my mind.
Recent event:
Control over a haircut.
"If I cut it any shorter than (said length ) he will vomit. "
Don't cut it short! Do it this way! Don't get a "dyke" hairdo.
He then declared how I should cut it.
I came home yesterday, and all he said was: "so you cut off more than you said you would".
And then silent treatment. Followed by angry outbursts.
What would a normal relationship look like in this scenario? Is this a stupid question? What the heck is wrong with me, I'm a smart person and probably know the answer.
And yes, my hair looks effing awesome
I'm a "normie" with an AH. After arguments or disagreements, the things we fight over, the reactions, all of it. I am always replaying things in my mind.
Recent event:
Control over a haircut.
"If I cut it any shorter than (said length ) he will vomit. "
Don't cut it short! Do it this way! Don't get a "dyke" hairdo.
He then declared how I should cut it.
I came home yesterday, and all he said was: "so you cut off more than you said you would".
And then silent treatment. Followed by angry outbursts.
What would a normal relationship look like in this scenario? Is this a stupid question? What the heck is wrong with me, I'm a smart person and probably know the answer.
And yes, my hair looks effing awesome
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
in a "non-dysfunctional, non-addictive" relationship, you'd just go get your haircut however you want, whenever you want, and all he'd say is Looks Great Honey!
it's not about the haircut. it's about CONTROL. and victimization. if he can keep you one down, then it takes the heat and focus off of HIM.
it's not about the haircut. it's about CONTROL. and victimization. if he can keep you one down, then it takes the heat and focus off of HIM.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I agree, "Normal" to me is getting home & saying, "Hey Hon, look what I did with my hair today!"
Or vice-versa. "Hey Hon - oh, you stopped for a haircut; looks good! What do you want to do for dinner?"
Or vice-versa. "Hey Hon - oh, you stopped for a haircut; looks good! What do you want to do for dinner?"
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
My husband is an A (not currently active) but active or not he says, "you wear your hair the way you want; you're the one who has to deal with it, that shouldn't be my choice, it should be yours." Those things are what I love about him.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
1) It's hair. It grows. Why is this a big deal to him?
2) It's YOUR hair. Your decision.
3) "Don't get dyke hair"??? Troglodyte.
Red flags all over.
2) It's YOUR hair. Your decision.
3) "Don't get dyke hair"??? Troglodyte.
Red flags all over.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by firebolt
I don't know that there is a normal....
Normal.jpg
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
do you often have "fights" over such catastrophically important stuff as the length of your haircut?
Car being clean enough, can't find particular pair of socks, his brother pissed him off saying xyz....
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Originally Posted by Boleo
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
what if you quit participating in HIS rants.....stop being the audience? stop LETTING him dictate every aspect of your life? curious exactly what qualifications he HAS to BE in charge of The Universe???
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
what if you quit participating in HIS rants.....stop being the audience? stop LETTING him dictate every aspect of your life? curious exactly what qualifications he HAS to BE in charge of The Universe???
I try not let him dictate me, but I do live with the man, and will admit to conceding more than I'd like to. In order to keep the peace at that very moment in time. And I know that's not helping any.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
TW,
I agree with Avnil, why would you give him a platform for his disgust. I would not give him an option to negotiate this. I would say thank you for your opinion and leave the room. When you engage him then he can continue and all it does is upset you. He could care a less and he has no idea how much it hurts your feelings. Detach, Detach and Detach more.
I agree with Avnil, why would you give him a platform for his disgust. I would not give him an option to negotiate this. I would say thank you for your opinion and leave the room. When you engage him then he can continue and all it does is upset you. He could care a less and he has no idea how much it hurts your feelings. Detach, Detach and Detach more.
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