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Has anyone found themselves doing this?

Old 08-08-2016, 06:41 AM
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Has anyone found themselves doing this?

I never realized my dad was an alcoholic until I realized that my husband is one. I guess I didn't know it because he wasn't horribly mean and emotionally abusive to us or my mom. My mom still refuses to accept that my dad was an alcoholic. But he drank a 6 pack of beer daily. Sometimes liquor. But he was never belligerent or abusive. My husband gets to that point sometimes.

Of course he found a way to drink. He offered his on call to someone else and who would say no to on call pay? (he said they asked him if they could take it but I don't believe him)

I was watching him with our son and of course my son thinks he's great, daddy's super fun. Of course he is...he's drunk.

It got me thinking about some of the awesome fun things I did with my dad when I was younger and I wondered-was my dad really that fun or was he just drunk? *sigh* I'm so glad I have an appointment with my therapist on Friday.
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Old 08-08-2016, 06:54 AM
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I can relate. Not my dad, but certainly with my X. My kids have been bringing up some of the "fun" things they usto do with dad. Yup, he was a blast, he was drunk. It was fun, until it wasn't.

Hugs.
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Old 08-08-2016, 07:00 AM
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When I realized my boyfriend was an alcoholic, I also learned that my dad, my step dad, and my mother are all also alcoholics. And the reality of what that has done to them and to my life has been unfolding ever since that revelation. (I've also realized a few close friends have alcohol issues.)

And each of them is a completely different "drunk". Dad was abusive. Step dad threw our lives into turmoil, but was a good person and loved by all. Mom has slowly changed from a loving, warm, and caring mother to a selfish, moody, negative person, and my abf can't even hurt a fly, though his drinking causes a TON of turmoil in his life. Each of them suffer the negative impacts of drinking. And each of their "drinking issues" has found a way to negatively impact my life.
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Old 08-08-2016, 07:23 AM
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It just kills me, I love my dad and I miss him terribly every day. I never thought he was an alcoholic. I don't like that this has me questioning things with my dad. I'm trying to work it out in my head. My therapist says she thinks maybe my dad was numbing his pain and it had nothing to do with us. He worked- hard, it never affected his job, it clearly didn't affect my mom negatively because she was really pissed when I mentioned it to her. She said "yes, your dad drank, but he was a kind loving person and he never hurt anyone" That is totally true, he never hurt us, he wasn't emotionally abusive, he would give a stranger the shirt off his back if they needed it but it still bothers me that he lived with pain he chose to squash with alcohol.

My husband's alcoholism is clearly affecting me negatively-it doesn't affect the kids-yet. He's never mean to them. I seem to be his target. He doesn't blow up in front of them.

We're moving to another state in January. His hometown. This decision was made long before I realized he was an alcoholic. (yes I knew he had a problem in the military but some of the stuff they went through I kinda figured it went with the territory and he had been sober for 10 years when he relapsed even though he didn't finish the 12 steps) My mother in law wants to put him in rehab as soon as we get there...and I'm rambling LOL sorry
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Old 08-08-2016, 07:55 AM
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It has definitely made me take another look at a lot of what I thought I *knew* about myself & my childhood, for sure. It's different as a grown woman with a more expanded world view than the little girl that I once was.

While I knew my dad was an addict, I missed this signs completely in RAH.... they are completely different people & that showed in their behaviors too. Addiction looks very different when you are dealing with it day-to-day vs. through the longer scope too - it's like that labyrinth analogy I like. It is so hard to navigate the twists & turns & keep your sense of direction while you're IN the maze, but hovering above it things look very different!

My dad was the type of addict that was always off doing something, always busy helping someone else, everyone's best bud - but never home for his own kids. So while I would have laughed at the idea that I had any abandonment issues, that's something I've had to really come to terms with because it's true. Just because it didn't fit the textbook definition of it, I told myself it didn't apply to me. And then when AH would be too busy for DD, I would lose. my. mind. Hmmmmm........
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Old 08-08-2016, 08:04 AM
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Yes I totally get that. Once I had to get real about my husband, I had to get real about my mother.

I loved my mother. I love her today (she died many years ago - before I even met my husband). I considered her an excellent and loving mother with a nice childhood. We were very close. Yes I had to re-look at some memories. Others were not more comfortable exactly but made sense in the framework of a drinking problem so I could come to terms with them. Its hard stuff.
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