should I call the police???
 

my emotionally abusive sibling didn't come home last nightime after my mother Confronted her about drinking again so she has broken her bail conditions, my mother is ready to have a nervous break down... we haven't heard from my sibling and we don't know where she is. I'm thinking about calling the police and letting them know she's broken bail, maybe it will be the wake up call she needs not to mention put our minds at rest. what should I do?????

Sickand tired.......it would be better to notify the probation officer. It is your decision. Be aware that you will need to be willing to face the consequences that may come with that...if you choose that route...
Did you contact the agency that I suggested to you in my other post?
I suggest that you follow up on that....as it will give long term protection for your mother.....

dandylion

sorry I meant the probation officer not the police.

Don't you think she'll shoot herself in the foot without your help? I assume the conditions of her parole are that she shouldn't drink and must stay with your mother? She may well be arrested if she's drinking and has nowhere to stay.

Only you know how much more your mother can take, but I would discuss it with her first.

It's hard, but I would call her parole officer. Shielding her from consequences is just prolonging the agony and your mother's health and wellbeing are important, too...as are yours.

I personally would call the probation officer and end the chaos, and detrimental effects to your family and mother. Your mother sounds to not be in a healthy mental state which is affecting her physically. I don't know how old she is, but iMO I consider what your sister is doing to your mother elder abuse.

It depends on why you are calling. Her bond will be revoked, she will be put in jail. Are YOU and YOUR MOTHER ready for that to happen, or is your mother going to just start another cycle of enabling from there? I say this gently b/c I know it's very hard. However, if you or your mother plans on helping her out of this situation in any way, there is no point in calling in my opinion. However, if you and your mother see she needs consequences to have any chance at all of being well, and plan to let her suffer those consequences on her own, then pick up the phone.

This is all just my .02

Hugs.

set boundaries you can live with and follow through with so she gets no surprises

do it and protect you and your Mom... time to stop the drama and have her find a life and you an Mom a bubble of rest... prayers..

sickand tired....you can talk to someone at the number that I gave to you about elder abuse....regardless of if you call the probation officer or not.....
They will help you and direct you....
dandylion

I called.... and I called because why should we keep shielding her from those consequences.. it doesn't help her... my mum is annoyed I called but she knows it was the right thing. tough love... another part of me feel a guilty for calling but I know deep down it was the correct thing to do.

sickand tired....try to not feel guilty.....because it was the right thing to do!
Of course, none of us LIKE to do these things...but, sometimes we just have todo the right thing....

dandylion

You shouldn't feel guilt, you didn't force her to break her bail conditions. She made that choice herself knowing that there would be consequences.

I wouldnt call. Her life is her life . You are not her parole, officer, guardian, or anything else. You are not going to change her and you will be one more thing to blame other than herself.

I would set up some hard boundaries about her involvement in your life if she is still drinking.

I would highly recommend Alanon to learn how to put an end to the dysfunction dance you are dancing

"Don't deprive someone of their bottom.":headbange

I believe that the biggest issue, in this case, is the abuse of the elderly mother by the sister.......

dandylion