you were all right
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
you were all right
he isn't sober...not even close and he tried to go on a date with a new girl 7/14 when he was trying to "walk me through everything with his ex wife"....He is a liar... I get it now and I know why you guys were all fore warning me... why am I so weak? 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Thank you Steely... I just feel so ashamed ....why on earth did I believe he really loved me? That this was all just a big mistake for him when in fact he was planning to date another girl... ugh I could puke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Don't feel ashamed LovelyKaya.
That's just how they operate, not necessarily because of his alcoholism but because of his own inadequate personality. And he will project all of these inadquacies onto you. Don't let him.
That's just how they operate, not necessarily because of his alcoholism but because of his own inadequate personality. And he will project all of these inadquacies onto you. Don't let him.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi LK, it;s heartbreaking to learn how he really is, but it's also going to move you on in the healing process much faster now you can leave him behind.
I'm sure he did love you, given that he's not capable of much, but people like him detach very quickly once they aren't being enabled anymore. You deserve much better.
I'm sure he did love you, given that he's not capable of much, but people like him detach very quickly once they aren't being enabled anymore. You deserve much better.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Kayla....at least you are free now....without the burden of putting your life on hold while waiting for him.......
He has shown you exactly who he is....and, perhaps a strong showing was what was needed to save you from greater disappointment, down the line.....
Maybe, he has given you a strangely wrapped "gift"........
dandylion
He has shown you exactly who he is....and, perhaps a strong showing was what was needed to save you from greater disappointment, down the line.....
Maybe, he has given you a strangely wrapped "gift"........
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: London
Posts: 512
Oh Kaya, I feel for you, I really do. I know exactly what it is like to love a man who is a liar and a cheat its a sad despairing place. Know this Kaya I truly absolutely totally believe that oneday you will look back on this with gratitude, glad to be free from such a man. From this experience you will grow. Take all of that love you gave to him and start giving it to YOU because you really are worth it. Big hug. Elle
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Lawrence Twp NJ
Posts: 1
No weakness
You are not weak , you care. You want to support and believe , that is not wrong . You see something in this person , look past the anger , just forgive . I know it is hard , but you can do this , you learn and put the relationship in prospective . 
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
thank you... Us not talking feels final this time. Like I feel calm about it in someway. That may just be for now. I wonder sometimes if we get a certain amount of tears that we are allowed to use on someone. I think mine may all be used up.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Kaya,
I know how hard this is, and I am so sorry.
Sometimes we just have to go back and touch the stove again ourselves to convince ourselves that it is still hot.
Please know that this pain won't last forever, and you are not weak or stupid. You just wanted to believe, and so you did. Something all of us have done at some point or another.
Take good care of yourself!! You deserve to be treated with much more care and respect that he is capable of providing
I know how hard this is, and I am so sorry.
Sometimes we just have to go back and touch the stove again ourselves to convince ourselves that it is still hot.
Please know that this pain won't last forever, and you are not weak or stupid. You just wanted to believe, and so you did. Something all of us have done at some point or another.
Take good care of yourself!! You deserve to be treated with much more care and respect that he is capable of providing
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
I was actually wondering how you were doing yesterday. I'm sorry that you're back with not so good news. It's oh so very hard to accept, and it's something I'm still working on. It doesn't happen in one swoop. It's a series of moments that start to connect over time.
I think pretty much all of us were replaced, I was within hours so I feel your pain! You have an image of who you thought he was and now you're being presented with an entirely different person. It's really tough for anyone, let alone someone who most likely is already hurt and worn down after dealing with them.
We all deserve so much more
I think pretty much all of us were replaced, I was within hours so I feel your pain! You have an image of who you thought he was and now you're being presented with an entirely different person. It's really tough for anyone, let alone someone who most likely is already hurt and worn down after dealing with them.
We all deserve so much more
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm sorry...it's what they do. They always have to have a back up enabler. But I know how much it hurts.
You did say "This may just be for now," which sounds like you're still leaving a door open for him. Believe me, he'll have an explanation for why he would be pursuing yet another woman...these guys can make anything sound plausible...and he'll know he still has a chance to keep you enmeshed and will use it.
It's your choice. But please know that further pain lies down that path.
Sending you a hug.
You did say "This may just be for now," which sounds like you're still leaving a door open for him. Believe me, he'll have an explanation for why he would be pursuing yet another woman...these guys can make anything sound plausible...and he'll know he still has a chance to keep you enmeshed and will use it.
It's your choice. But please know that further pain lies down that path.
Sending you a hug.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
thank you everyone.... he tried to explain but it was ********.... he said it was with a girl that he canceled on a bunch of times (when we were broken up) and he felt bad canceling on her again after we got back together...she ended up canceling the date and he didn't talk to her after.... I didn't say anything when he explained to me... It isn't worth my breath anymore .... So basically he is saying that a commitment to a girl he has never met is more important than a commitment to me ( the girl who stood by his side through everything ) and he was suppose to be committed to me anyway. Just once again feel stupid as **** for not seeing through his crap....
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Don't be so hard on yourself...these guys are good. They have to be...their addiction depends on it. They also reset every time...you're thinking about his entire history of lying to you, but he's thinking it's just the latest big lie, so what's the big deal?
It's like dealing with an alien...a very charming alien on the surface...but there's nothng underneath the candy coating but themselves and the alcohol.
It's like dealing with an alien...a very charming alien on the surface...but there's nothng underneath the candy coating but themselves and the alcohol.
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