you were all right
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 216
Kaya, we've all learned the hard way. With experience hopefully comes knowledge and wisdom. One day you will be able to look back and see all the red flags you should have seen a long time ago. A previous ex relationship should be a big indicator of how the person would treat you. Did his previous relationship end in destruction and resentment? Did he meet you during his "separation" with his ex? People usually fall into the same patterns. Even though you may not live your life lying, many addicts do. Lying and manipulation is second nature to many addicts as it has served them on many levels in the past. Addicts are in such a state of confusion, they don't have a grip on heir own lives. They are incapable of loving themselves properly, how on earth can they love another properly?
Hopefully you can see right through all his lies and see reality for what it is. The best thing you can do right now is absolute NO CONTACT. It'll get easier. He will keep doing what he is doing, meet other codependents who will take on his mess. You don't have to. Be strong.
Hopefully you can see right through all his lies and see reality for what it is. The best thing you can do right now is absolute NO CONTACT. It'll get easier. He will keep doing what he is doing, meet other codependents who will take on his mess. You don't have to. Be strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 216
Another thing I would suggest is to go back and re-read all the threads that you started. Re-enter all those emotional memories you were in at those times.
When our hearts are hurting and in pain, it's easy for our codependent minds to try to justify going back to the addict. The mind will start playing games with you. Very similar to an alcoholic when they are trying to stop drinking, their minds will try to justify a drink leading ultimately to a relapse.
Try not to relapse!
When our hearts are hurting and in pain, it's easy for our codependent minds to try to justify going back to the addict. The mind will start playing games with you. Very similar to an alcoholic when they are trying to stop drinking, their minds will try to justify a drink leading ultimately to a relapse.
Try not to relapse!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Well, he was sort of slowly suffocating you as it was. You are free of him if you so choose. It may not seem like the CHOICE is yours, but it really is...I am so sorry for your hurt/pain.
Not only were you suffocating in that relationship, you felt bad more than good in the end. Healthy relationships don't make you feel bad repetitively. Such is life that we will feel bad at times, but if there are things going on with the boyfriend that makes you feel bad on a regular, consistent basis, I'm thinking: "Bye-bye boyfriend".
Not only were you suffocating in that relationship, you felt bad more than good in the end. Healthy relationships don't make you feel bad repetitively. Such is life that we will feel bad at times, but if there are things going on with the boyfriend that makes you feel bad on a regular, consistent basis, I'm thinking: "Bye-bye boyfriend".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Its not you. Active addicts are just TOOOO good at lying. So good that they even convince themselves sometimes. At least you found out now. Some people manage to spend several years, or even decades being spun a Web of lies before they realise.
You deserve so much better. Keep working on your own recovery and cut all ties with him.
You deserve so much better. Keep working on your own recovery and cut all ties with him.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333 
Thank you guys. I called my sponsor and I am going to a meeting with her in a few hours. Its hard to believe that I saw him as the kind hearted person... That at one point I saw a future with him...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
