STBXAH asked for my engagement ring back
 

Ugh. We are proceeding with the divorce and are generally civil. Today, he came to pick up the dogs and asked if he could have my engagement ring back, since "it doesn't mean anything anymore anyway."

It seems really unfair that I cannot get past this grief...how long will it take, people???...and he is considering getting married again.

I understand that the new woman is going to have to deal with the crap. I understand that he is an addict and does not make decisions the way I do. But Jiminy Cricket!!!! When do *I* get to feel better??? When does it become fair for ME???

I've said it before: I think I'd rather have a few days of fake happiness than this constant harsh reality. I feel like Sisyphus.

When does this grief start to go away?????

Why is he picking up the dogs? I ask that b/c it seems like you have very regular contact w/him. That does not give you a chance to be away from it enough in my opinion. I share two kids with my X, and we literally speak once a week if that, and very brief, about the kids only. No nicey nice, just say what you have to say and move on.

That space has allowed me to go through the grieving process. About the engagement ring. No. Sell it, have it made into something else. Whatever. It's your's, not his.

The engagement ring is considered a gift and you don't have to give it back. I definitely wouldn't. I second what hopeful said, have it made into something else.
I am so sorry you are going through this. *HUGS*

You deserve that ring - what a miserable person to ask for it back when he gave it to you. Hope you told him where to get off.

Best if you don't have to see him because it keeps the grief alive. Are you sharing custody of the dogs?

The kind of gut-wrenching grief you're experiencing does get better, but if you want to speed up the process challenge yourself to do a few things to help. Walking, lovely music, writing poems, something with friends, a massage; just do it, even if you don't feel like it.

One day you'll realise with surprise that your mood has lifted. It's hard work but there is a pay off.

TimeForMe......


www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain.html (Are you wondering when the pain stops?)
I think you might find this article helpful.....

dandylion

You can't morn the loss while you are still dancing with the corps.

Once you are no longer in regular contact, no longer witness to his cruel words, you can then begin the grieving process.

TimeForMe..... DRATS! I tried for 30minutes to post the link, above, for you....and , for some reason, it isn't working!!

Try this---go to the stickies at the top of the thread page
Then click the one (near the top) called "Classic Reading"
Read the one called "Are you wondering when the pain stops?"

My short answer to this question is this....Basically, it gradually reduces to a bearable stage over the course of the first year...in gradual increments.
What has to happen in this first year of grieving is that you will begin to create a new life for your self....a new normal....and you will live in the present....

I agree that the more contact that you have with him...the longer it takes...

dandylion

Hope this helps

Here's the link to that thread that dandylion is having trouble posting. (LOL @dandy)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html

Thank you, biminiblue!!

TFM,
Are you asking back all the things you gave him? Forget it. It was a gift and I would not give it back. All he will do is sell it.

It does get better, but it takes time and a lot of work. I am 1 3/4 years post divorce and the last couple months I finally came to terms with it. I feel great realizing that we were two different people who wanted two different life paths. He lived for the moment, I wanted security. I was never like that, he was and I changed my goals for him.

Work every day on recovery. Even if it is 10 minutes a day on SR. It will slowly all fall into place the way it's suppose. Hugs my friend!!

not that it matters, but does he plan on giving the ring to the new woman???

Screw that - maybe sell it and get out of dodge for a weekend...courtesy of XAFiance.

You guys are THE BEST!! Thank you!! I always feel less crazy and less alone after posting here. We are sharing custody of the dogs...we both travel frequently for work so we have been trading off and it's been working out ok so far. Except for atalose's point...

atalose: this is brilliant..."You can't morn the loss while you are still dancing with the corps. "

tomsteve: probably.

I called my lawyer, I could hear the "wtf??" in his voice when I told him.

I can't wait for this divorce to be done. I will celebrate with an ice cream cake since it will be my birthday, too.

Love to you all.

NO!!!!!!! I believe if you get engaged and do not marry than there is an issue as to whether or not to return the ring but married, ummmmm NO! I'm sure youve earned that and much more girl..

There is NO way you should give him back that ring.

Well, there IS one way I could imagine, and it's probably an indicator of how evil I am.

1) Hire a concrete mixer truck.
2) Take video of you throwing engagement ring into concrete mixer.
3) Pour concrete in a location that won't get you arrested. Wait a couple days so it can set.
4) Tell him the ring is somewhere in there (Point at pile of concrete).

I know this is a complete and utter waste of money, and completely impractical, so selling it is the better course. Sigh.

That said... maybe sell it here... or at least browse through the stories.
Jewelry Archives - Never Liked It Anyway

PuzzledHeart - You made me literally laugh out loud. Thanks for the visual!

<3

I honestly would probably give it back. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction and he would just use the issue to bother you. When I was parting ways with my ex and he was moving out he grabbed a pair of diamond stud earrings that he bought me one year for my birthday and said he was selling them. Although it hurt I didn't let it show
I simply told him he bought them he can do whatever he wants with them. I think it stunned him because he ended up leaving them.

welp, IF you give the ring back, which i hope you dont, i sure hope his proposal is video taped and hope he tells her something like ," this was my exwifes- the one that divorced me. will you marry me."

not sure if im right or not, but im sittin here laughin and how a woman would repsond to receiving a mans exwifes engagement ring.

LOTS of scenarios going through my head.
and one of them involves a cement truck!!:dee
but not in the burying the ring kind of way.:scared:



im real glad your getting away from that. you WILL heal and get peace and serinity back.

and im very sorry youve had the losses youve had recently.

Sell the ring and use the money for doggy daycare. There. Both problems solved!