Katetheo

I haven't posted in a while as nothing's really changed but tonight it did. Had my folks around for dinner. I spent all day cooking, cleaning & generally getting ready. Abf went fishing for the day, comes home 2 hours before they are due and starts criticising what I hadn't yet done, getting quite aggressive about nothing. Parents come and we have a nice time but there is constant digs about me so my dad says to Abf 'I don't like how you are talking to my daughter'. Abf doesn't like this at all. I say drop it, so, therefore, so does my dad but Abf is getting angrier & angrier pushing for an answer why and then says I'm going to the toilet & directed at my dad 'I hope you're not here when I come out' so I said to them let's go so we left with doggy. It's one thing talking to me as he does, but to my parents that's another thing. If his mum had said to me I don't like how you are taking to Abf I'd just say I'm so sorry or if I felt justified I'd say why, I would not get aggressive and angry. I'm so glad he did this tonight in front of them as its given me the strength I need to go and they've witnessed it too. Normally I'd get abusive texts but I'm guessing either he knows he's screwed up or he's happily drinking (he offered my dad a hidden drink while mum & I nipped out). Either way I'm done & I'm happily in bed at my folks with my doggy zzzzing next to me.

Refiner

Please STAY out. He is an ass and your parents have your back.

Steely

It's not OK that he does it to you either Katetheo but glad that your parents were able to witness. Did he bring back fish for supper? Stay safe.

dandylion

Katetheo.....Good for you! don't ever go back to that man! You were not meant to live like that......

dandylion

Katetheo

Thanks Refiner, I will. What you say is short and sweet but so true. Even if I wanted to (I don't) after tonight I think my folks would tie me up to stop me going back. I'm 37 but haven't had much of a life yet and I want to begin and it won't with him X

Katetheo

Thanks Steely, I know you are right. Ha ha no fish tonight
I'm so so glad they witnessed it. I logically never doubted his behaviour (illogically yes) but it really does help when someone else sees it, because my mind is very good at questioning. Now I can't rationalise his behaviour or blame myself

Katetheo

Thanks Dandylion, I won't won't won't. Every time I have I've regretted it and more so each time. Last time I went back I promised myself and doggy that next time I left would be for good and today is the day I've too many things I want to do with life and so many friends I want to catch up with...I can now and that's exciting

Ariesagain

I'm so happy to hear from you and that you and doggy are ok.

Please, please...get on with your sweet life away from that mess. You're a lovely person and deserve so much better.

Adrian80

Good for you and have a good nights sleep.

maia1234

So proud of u kate. Silent, and consise, you left the building. What are you doing to protect yourself? Block his number, block on fb. Protect yourself at all costs so you don't get sucked back into the honeymoon again.

FeelingGreat

It's useful to have the perspective of an outsider, even if it is your father. Must have been a shock for ABF to have someone call him out like that.

Katetheo

Thank you everyone, all your support means so much. Abf tried to call my parents yesterday, I assume to apologise but my Mum hung up & he's text them & me but we've not replied. He's saying he's sorry things turned out as they did, not for what he did and is claiming we misunderstood him & all he wanted was to understand what he'd done wrong so he doesn't do it again. Utter rubbish. He's also asking me to bring doggy back tomorrow. I'm not going to engage because I know what will happen & I don't want it to.
I'm exhausted at the moment but trying to keep busy. Days are dragging but I guess they do when something like this happens. Thanks again everyone xx

Refiner

YAY FOR MOM!!!!And you too!!! The veil is down, his gig is up. You all KNOW what he is. Poor poor him... What did he do???? LOL, his little maniputive game of lies and deceit aren't working for him this time around... GOOD! And please keep doggie away from him! A sociopath like him could do something to doggie to get back at you!

firebolt

Hang in there. I used to get so mad at XABF for '$h!t$howing" in front of friends and family. Then, when I got out, i could see how unacceptable it was that he ever did it in front of ME! It will get easier, and you will have more and more peace.

atalose

Really one of the best tools we have in truly ending things with toxic people is to block them all together from contacting us.

Otherwise all we are doing is picking a backrow seat to their self -absorbed ill-fated drama.

Ariesagain

Rest! You have a ton of stress to recover from and when we don't feel safe in our homes we never really sleep.

You're in a safe place, thank heavens, and I bet your dog is much more relaxed, too.

Sending you a hug.

Katetheo

It's been just over a week now since I left Abf or should I say axbf so I thought I'd touch base. Thank you all again for your support.

I feel odd...not happy, not sad, not relieved, not regretting leaving...just odd. I guess I probably just feel a little unsettled as I'm not in my own home although a little while ago I bought a second hand sofa and had it sent to my folks house so that when I did leave I could pinch one of their living rooms for me and doggy so I'm in the process of sorting that out and then hope I will relax more.

Doggy seems a lot happier...I have to tell him to have a rest otherwise he'd be on the go all the time.

I've been a bit of a hermit this week...didn't go to pub quiz with my best friend as I didn't feel up to it but I did treat myself to a massage as it's something I've been promising myself I'd do for ages. I've also put myself forward to do some voluntary work abroad in October so just waiting to hear back on dates. My Dad has also offered to help me out with getting a new (second hand) car as I've been borrowing my Mums since late last year. I think it's to give me a little boost which is ever so sweet of him. I've also cut down on my smoking and my plan is very soon I will start jogging as my exercise has been pretty non existent for the last few years. I also have had a list of things in my head I want to do for a long time..now I plan to action some.

I haven't done anything yet about collecting my stuff, not sure if that's why I'm not feeling much because perhaps until I do it won't feel real. I know I have to at some point but I have all my important things..paperwork, passport etc, I just don't want to go there quite yet.
Maybe I'm trying to put off the feeling hurt, sadness, loneliness etc or maybe it won't be as bad as I'm thinking it will be. I will let you know

Ariesagain

You're going through a big transition. It's a funny thing about adrenalin....when you are finally freed from feeling stressed and scared all the time, it takes a while for our brains and bodies to catch up...it's like without that constant feed of stress response hormones, we don't know how we feel..

I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear you and your dog are safe and loved. Your parents sound wonderful and it's great that you're caring for yourself so well.

Hooray!!!!

alcoholics wife

A lot of times we suffer in silence. We put on a good face when we are out in public, among friends and family that everything is rainbows and butterflies. Behind closed doors we suffer the abusiveness of aggression, drama, addiction that most people would not put up with! We feel ashamed to have a spouse so dysfunctional because after all, we picked him, therefore it's a reflection of ourselves in a way. It is embarrassing to have a dysfunctional relationship. But what others don't know, doesn't hurt them. It just hurts ourselves but we can take it! We keep raising that bar higher and higher anyways.

Often times it does take someone else to witness the dysfunction to finally blow our cover that Mr. Nice guy is anything but.

Parents opinions have a major influence and really can be the strength that you didn't have to just walk away.

alcoholics wife

When I finally broke up with my AXBF I went absolutely no contact. Would it be possible to arrange for your mom to contact your ex to arrange a time you can go collect your things when he is not there so you don't have to interact with him?

I remember when I had a break up, it was bitter sweet. I knew I would miss the good times, but I was so emotionally done at that point. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I didn't have to constantly worry about him anymore. He could do whatever he wanted to do and that wasn't my anxiety anymore. All that energy I spent on him, I was then spending on myself. In the end, it's so worth it.