He got a 5 year sentence...what's a mom to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Beaverton Oregon
Posts: 4
He got a 5 year sentence...what's a mom to do?
I don't know how to survive this....
My son was sentenced to 5 years in prison last week. He was on probation for a felony and would not have had to serve a day, but after 3 probation violations they threw the book at him.
I have ALWAYS told my son "If your going to do the crime, you better be willing to do the time". I don't condone my sons actions, but I am completely devistated that they would find it necessary to give him 5 years. He was with some friends and they were drinking and smoking pot, they went to one of their friends they were fighting with and threw something throught the plate glass window of the house. He was also a passenger in the car that was full of empty beer cans. I don't know about anyone else but I don't feel like the punishment fits the crime.
In the mean time my son is sitting in jail with murderers, sex offenders and a lot of gang members. I am so worried that he will be influenced by these people or even worse come out of there a very hard person. My son is immature for his age and is NOT some hardened criminal.
Last year I spent 5 days in the hospital for mental health issues which were caused by numerous issues, the biggest my son. As of today I am no longer on any of the medications and have been doing fairly well until this happened. Twice since last week I have almost taken myself back to the hospital and checked myself in. Unfortunately I no longer have any medical coverage and can't even afford a consultation with a doctor, to help me get through this.
I am falling apart fast and don't have any clue how to help myself.
Thanks for listening....
My son was sentenced to 5 years in prison last week. He was on probation for a felony and would not have had to serve a day, but after 3 probation violations they threw the book at him.
I have ALWAYS told my son "If your going to do the crime, you better be willing to do the time". I don't condone my sons actions, but I am completely devistated that they would find it necessary to give him 5 years. He was with some friends and they were drinking and smoking pot, they went to one of their friends they were fighting with and threw something throught the plate glass window of the house. He was also a passenger in the car that was full of empty beer cans. I don't know about anyone else but I don't feel like the punishment fits the crime.
In the mean time my son is sitting in jail with murderers, sex offenders and a lot of gang members. I am so worried that he will be influenced by these people or even worse come out of there a very hard person. My son is immature for his age and is NOT some hardened criminal.
Last year I spent 5 days in the hospital for mental health issues which were caused by numerous issues, the biggest my son. As of today I am no longer on any of the medications and have been doing fairly well until this happened. Twice since last week I have almost taken myself back to the hospital and checked myself in. Unfortunately I no longer have any medical coverage and can't even afford a consultation with a doctor, to help me get through this.
I am falling apart fast and don't have any clue how to help myself.
Thanks for listening....
Guest
Posts: n/a
This is a really hard time........and I am sorry you are going through all this.....What you can do is find an alanon meeting in your area.......it doesnt cost anything......everyone there is so kind and understand and listen......no matter what you have to say they listen.......and just having people understand and listen helps.....I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hello MSB,
I know this must be devastating for you. I hope you will check out live alanon meetings in your area if you haven't already. Understanding company in times of crisis can help, at least. Your son knew that there were consequences that went along with his actions, but he did it anyway. Regardless of whether the punishment fits the crime, that was the punishment he knew could occur. The first thing to do to help yourself is to know, in your heart, that he absolutely 100% brought this on himself. He is now in other hands, where he placed himself. Your punishing yourself with thoughts of what might happen will not stop it from happening. Hope for him. Pray for him and we will pray with you. I'm glad you found us.
hugs,
Smoke
I know this must be devastating for you. I hope you will check out live alanon meetings in your area if you haven't already. Understanding company in times of crisis can help, at least. Your son knew that there were consequences that went along with his actions, but he did it anyway. Regardless of whether the punishment fits the crime, that was the punishment he knew could occur. The first thing to do to help yourself is to know, in your heart, that he absolutely 100% brought this on himself. He is now in other hands, where he placed himself. Your punishing yourself with thoughts of what might happen will not stop it from happening. Hope for him. Pray for him and we will pray with you. I'm glad you found us.
hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
I am so sorry to hear about your son, and what it is putting you both through. 
Unfortunately our current system of justice is not that just.
Is he eligible for parole?
Most importantly you need to take care of yourself.
Gracey's suggestion about Al-anon is a very good place to start.
Maybe getting some of those feelings and frustrations out would be of help.
Here is a little blurb about "Primal Screaming"
September 27, 2004
Freeing Yourself From Hidden Pain
Primal Screaming
Every man and woman is made up of a complex system of needs, desires, emotions, and perceptions that thrive on being acknowledged. When these are not acknowledged, not fulfilled, there is often unrecognized pain or tension. The force of this repression has a powerful influence not only on the mind, but the body as well, contributing to illnesses
and emotional distress. Primal screaming helps people to dig deep within themselves, to re-live and to release the pain and tension long held inside. The act of screaming, which has the power to carry us back to our emotional roots, can offer a
means to experience, and finally express, the deep rooted source of discomfort. The aftermath holds only the memory, not the suffering.
Primal screaming is simple and can be done alone, by anyone, inside or outside. Each individual's primal experience is different because our memories differ. You can begin by focusing on a particular negative memory or experience, and bring forth the feelings that resulted. As your emotions guide you, you may want to scream loudly, or simply cry out. The physical action of screaming can release further pain and tension; negative experiences, possibly forgotten, might rise to the surface. Acknowledging this long-buried discomfort in a personal way frees your emotions from the shackles of negativity, and opens the door to a wondrous range of positive emotions, self-awareness, and contentment. At the same time, emotional trauma can have an intense effect on hormonal balance, the immune system, and other systems of the body. During primal screaming, the release of the core distress can be liberating for the body as well as the spirit, and physical symptoms can be relieved! .
Through primal screaming, it is possible to connect with parts of oneself that have gone unrecognized for many years and to access feelings and memories that have been long hidden. Society often demands that we quiet our negative reactions, rendering it invisible and unacknowledged. Primal screaming is an outlet that can heal the soul, helping negative feelings give way to genuine emotional freedom.
For more information visit Primaltherapy.com
DailyOM [[email protected]]
Unfortunately our current system of justice is not that just.
Is he eligible for parole?
Most importantly you need to take care of yourself.
Gracey's suggestion about Al-anon is a very good place to start.
Maybe getting some of those feelings and frustrations out would be of help.
Here is a little blurb about "Primal Screaming"
September 27, 2004
Freeing Yourself From Hidden Pain
Primal Screaming
Every man and woman is made up of a complex system of needs, desires, emotions, and perceptions that thrive on being acknowledged. When these are not acknowledged, not fulfilled, there is often unrecognized pain or tension. The force of this repression has a powerful influence not only on the mind, but the body as well, contributing to illnesses
and emotional distress. Primal screaming helps people to dig deep within themselves, to re-live and to release the pain and tension long held inside. The act of screaming, which has the power to carry us back to our emotional roots, can offer a
means to experience, and finally express, the deep rooted source of discomfort. The aftermath holds only the memory, not the suffering.
Primal screaming is simple and can be done alone, by anyone, inside or outside. Each individual's primal experience is different because our memories differ. You can begin by focusing on a particular negative memory or experience, and bring forth the feelings that resulted. As your emotions guide you, you may want to scream loudly, or simply cry out. The physical action of screaming can release further pain and tension; negative experiences, possibly forgotten, might rise to the surface. Acknowledging this long-buried discomfort in a personal way frees your emotions from the shackles of negativity, and opens the door to a wondrous range of positive emotions, self-awareness, and contentment. At the same time, emotional trauma can have an intense effect on hormonal balance, the immune system, and other systems of the body. During primal screaming, the release of the core distress can be liberating for the body as well as the spirit, and physical symptoms can be relieved! .
Through primal screaming, it is possible to connect with parts of oneself that have gone unrecognized for many years and to access feelings and memories that have been long hidden. Society often demands that we quiet our negative reactions, rendering it invisible and unacknowledged. Primal screaming is an outlet that can heal the soul, helping negative feelings give way to genuine emotional freedom.
For more information visit Primaltherapy.com
DailyOM [[email protected]]
Glenda
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Motherhood,Texas
Posts: 10
My heart is with you - my son did 2 yrs. in state jail and I thought I would not make it untill he was realeased. He has now been out 11 months and already has a 4th degree felony against him for evading arrest because he was drinking and smoking pot and could not afford to get caught driving but did. That carries atleast 2 yrs. in state jail in our state and I am beside myself. He is an only child and the love of my life. Just can't handle the combination of the two drugs as most people can't. My son is bipolar I think and turns to drugs (alcohol and pot) to self medicate his depression. He has an appointment in two weeks for an evaluation for this but it very well may be too late as he could go to court before anything can be done.
You might try to get help at your local MHMR as they offer help with the cost of meds. and counceling depending on your income. I have been on Welbutrin for the last year and it has definately helped me get through this. It is amazing how a situation such as ours affected your very heart and soul.
My thoughts will be with you - just reading the posts from other parents on this site helps me realize I am not alone in this as others are going through similar situations. Just remember to Let Go and Let God and that God will take care of him. Things happen for a reason an maybe this will save his life in the future.
You might try to get help at your local MHMR as they offer help with the cost of meds. and counceling depending on your income. I have been on Welbutrin for the last year and it has definately helped me get through this. It is amazing how a situation such as ours affected your very heart and soul.
My thoughts will be with you - just reading the posts from other parents on this site helps me realize I am not alone in this as others are going through similar situations. Just remember to Let Go and Let God and that God will take care of him. Things happen for a reason an maybe this will save his life in the future.
brightlight
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Detachment
Posts: 201
I agree the sentence is VERY wrong. I am sorry you have to go through this. I am not sure what state you live in, but I have heard of some bad laws in some of the states. My friend in Kansas had her son go to jail for 4 years, but it was for drugs and I think he turned himself in. He is out now and seems a lot better than he was 4 years ago. He just got a job. I hope he stays safe.
Grace Under Fire
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Another world
Posts: 536
Hi MSB,
I have two sons with felonies and the older son
was in and out of state prison for 7 years. I
literally did the time with him and had no life or
hope. This could happen again at any time and I pray
that my life will be different if it does.
I do believe that God has a hand in everything that
comes our way and our kid's way-we just don't
know what it is or the purpose when it seems so
glum.
I have some mental issues also, but they are intensified when I don't keep the distance with my
sons. I recently ran to the doctor and the shrink 4 times in two weeks because I was headed for a breakdown. I have no insurance but there is a clinic I go to that goes by my income. Maybe there is something in your area that has the same thing?
I also recommed the book Language of Letting Go, it's
a peaceful and spiritual book that helps us let go and take care of ourselves even though our loved ones
are in the dark.
Keep coming back, there are alot of Mom's here.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
Hugs,
I have two sons with felonies and the older son
was in and out of state prison for 7 years. I
literally did the time with him and had no life or
hope. This could happen again at any time and I pray
that my life will be different if it does.
I do believe that God has a hand in everything that
comes our way and our kid's way-we just don't
know what it is or the purpose when it seems so
glum.
I have some mental issues also, but they are intensified when I don't keep the distance with my
sons. I recently ran to the doctor and the shrink 4 times in two weeks because I was headed for a breakdown. I have no insurance but there is a clinic I go to that goes by my income. Maybe there is something in your area that has the same thing?
I also recommed the book Language of Letting Go, it's
a peaceful and spiritual book that helps us let go and take care of ourselves even though our loved ones
are in the dark.
Keep coming back, there are alot of Mom's here.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
I am so sorry to hear that this happened. Maybe he will get off early on good behavior. Although this is obviously extremely hard right now maybe it could end up being a good thing in the long run. He'll have time to think about all of the things he has done and hopefully when he gets out he will be a new person. I know from an earlier post that you have had problems with him in the past so when he gets out it will be a clean start for him.
Try to remain somewhat positive through this. You need to keep your strength up. You can't let yourself go now too. He is a big boy and will be able to take care of himself. Now you need to trust him and take care of yourself. You don't need to be worried sick & sitting in a hospital, that is not going to help him at all & it definitely isn't going to help you.
From what you've said here, it doesn't seem like he should have been sentenced to 5 years. Maybe you can put your desire to help him into some kind of legal case to get him out early. I mean don't people who get manslaughter serve less time than that? Either way, like I said previously don't let this bring you down. Stay strong! It will be hard, but you can do it. Come here for support often!
Try to remain somewhat positive through this. You need to keep your strength up. You can't let yourself go now too. He is a big boy and will be able to take care of himself. Now you need to trust him and take care of yourself. You don't need to be worried sick & sitting in a hospital, that is not going to help him at all & it definitely isn't going to help you.
From what you've said here, it doesn't seem like he should have been sentenced to 5 years. Maybe you can put your desire to help him into some kind of legal case to get him out early. I mean don't people who get manslaughter serve less time than that? Either way, like I said previously don't let this bring you down. Stay strong! It will be hard, but you can do it. Come here for support often!
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