Brother Just Got Kicked Out of Sober Living House
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1
Brother Just Got Kicked Out of Sober Living House
Hi,
My first post. So my brother relapsed for the fifth time before I realized how bad things were. I brought him to detox the first time and then distanced myself. This time I stepped in because my mom was at the end of her rope. Me and my girlfriend raised money to help him pay for the sober living house. He was doing great for about a month, even got a job at a restaurant. Turns out someone from his old life was working there too. Not someone he did H with but not a good person. I know it's stupid but think sometimes may be if he got a job somewhere else he would still be on the straight and narrow. Well, he stood me up a couple weeks ago for a meeting and last week I went to meet him on his court date at court but he did not show (apparently he showed up late but I left already). Long story short, I got a call from a manager at his sober living house at 1 am calling to tell me my brother was leaving the house. It turns out he stayed out one night (to go to Atlantic City to gamble!?) and he got made because they gave him 15 hours of chores. He called me after I got off the phone with the manager and told me he was planning on moving out and couldn't put up with people telling him what to do. He told me he has been drinking a few beers occasionally and has not been talking to his sober coach. There is so much more but basically I feel like he is taking everything for granted. He thinks he is fine and seems to want to go back to his "normal" life. Everything I read and everyone I talked to said he is on a bad path. I want him to talk to me but I feel so sad and like a fool. I know it is up to him and there is nothing I can do to make him "get it" but I want him to know I am here to talk but other than that he is on his own. I am kind of nervous to tell my mom as they have not really been talking and she is in a fragile state and his number one enabler. Anyway, sorry if this is long or if I was supposed to write this differently, I just happened to find this forum after getting off the phone and after reading I felt better and thought I should share. I am so confused on what to do.
My first post. So my brother relapsed for the fifth time before I realized how bad things were. I brought him to detox the first time and then distanced myself. This time I stepped in because my mom was at the end of her rope. Me and my girlfriend raised money to help him pay for the sober living house. He was doing great for about a month, even got a job at a restaurant. Turns out someone from his old life was working there too. Not someone he did H with but not a good person. I know it's stupid but think sometimes may be if he got a job somewhere else he would still be on the straight and narrow. Well, he stood me up a couple weeks ago for a meeting and last week I went to meet him on his court date at court but he did not show (apparently he showed up late but I left already). Long story short, I got a call from a manager at his sober living house at 1 am calling to tell me my brother was leaving the house. It turns out he stayed out one night (to go to Atlantic City to gamble!?) and he got made because they gave him 15 hours of chores. He called me after I got off the phone with the manager and told me he was planning on moving out and couldn't put up with people telling him what to do. He told me he has been drinking a few beers occasionally and has not been talking to his sober coach. There is so much more but basically I feel like he is taking everything for granted. He thinks he is fine and seems to want to go back to his "normal" life. Everything I read and everyone I talked to said he is on a bad path. I want him to talk to me but I feel so sad and like a fool. I know it is up to him and there is nothing I can do to make him "get it" but I want him to know I am here to talk but other than that he is on his own. I am kind of nervous to tell my mom as they have not really been talking and she is in a fragile state and his number one enabler. Anyway, sorry if this is long or if I was supposed to write this differently, I just happened to find this forum after getting off the phone and after reading I felt better and thought I should share. I am so confused on what to do.
Last edited by shorelobe; 07-30-2016 at 12:29 AM. Reason: grammar error missing words
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
S,
Welcome. Good for you for reaching out for support, eventually we can no longer take it, dealing with an addict. Sounds like the family has tried everything to help your brother. At some point we realize that an addict is the only one that can get himself sober. Once we realize that it becomes almost a relief. We give him to God to watch over.
So what can we do for you. You have already started by posting. Have you or your mom ever gone to an alanon meeting, or attended an open aa meeting? These are great places to get support for you. Read the stickies at the top of the page. The best thing you can do is educate yourself about addiction. Stepping back, minding your own business and letting everything fall into place for your addict, might be just what he needs. No addict will get sober unless they feel the consequences of their actions. He has no problem with his addiction, you do, so it's not his problem, it's yours. What are you willing to do about "your" problem?
Sending hugs my friend, keep posting and asking questions.
Welcome. Good for you for reaching out for support, eventually we can no longer take it, dealing with an addict. Sounds like the family has tried everything to help your brother. At some point we realize that an addict is the only one that can get himself sober. Once we realize that it becomes almost a relief. We give him to God to watch over.
So what can we do for you. You have already started by posting. Have you or your mom ever gone to an alanon meeting, or attended an open aa meeting? These are great places to get support for you. Read the stickies at the top of the page. The best thing you can do is educate yourself about addiction. Stepping back, minding your own business and letting everything fall into place for your addict, might be just what he needs. No addict will get sober unless they feel the consequences of their actions. He has no problem with his addiction, you do, so it's not his problem, it's yours. What are you willing to do about "your" problem?
Sending hugs my friend, keep posting and asking questions.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Shorelobe, welcome to SR. I'm sorry to hear about the troubles that bring you here. I hope you can spend some time reading around the forum--especially make sure to check out the stickies at the top of the page. Here are a couple of links to stuff in that area that you might find helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...newcomers.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'm sure you'll read things here that will resonate w/you. Know that you are NOT alone, and please continue to read and post here. There is a ton of wisdom and support to be had on this forum. Also, you may find further help for yourself in an Alanon meeting (AA is for the alcoholic, Alanon is for family/friends). For me, the combo of Alanon and SR worked well.
Again, welcome--I'm glad you found us here. I wish you strength and clarity going forward.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...newcomers.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'm sure you'll read things here that will resonate w/you. Know that you are NOT alone, and please continue to read and post here. There is a ton of wisdom and support to be had on this forum. Also, you may find further help for yourself in an Alanon meeting (AA is for the alcoholic, Alanon is for family/friends). For me, the combo of Alanon and SR worked well.
Again, welcome--I'm glad you found us here. I wish you strength and clarity going forward.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
