How long did your
 

XAH/bf wait before he started an new relationship and got married? My life with him was miserable and I stayed way too long (wasted my youth), but I am so distraught right now. The new wife will get the retirement, etc... our adult daughter has MS and I know he will not leave her a damn thing. How could he have moved on so fast-it's only been 4 mos.

Yeah, they move on in about 15 minutes. I'm so sorry.

Well...my AF has been married 3 times and who knows how many girlfriends he's had since the last marriage ended. My AXH cheated on me and they got married and cheated on each other. And, my AXBF wasted no time finding a new girlfriend after I left him nor in between breakups.

They don't like to be alone. You can't take it personally. That will rip you apart and you don't need the added stress.

I'm so sorry. Has your divorce already been settled? Is it too late to make sure you've claimed your fair share of the finances?

Yes , all has been settled betwen us.

My ex always paid his child support, but getting him to contribute anything beyond that was nearly impossible. Looking back, I wish I would have been more assertive about financial affairs. I hated conflict with him so much that I would back off and figure out how to pay for things myself--things that he should have helped with. I wish I would have been stronger. Praying for you, Rae. I know it's hard.

Just to add to the chorus, I know it sounds unfair and it feels that way in the short term, but in the long term all will be revealed.

As others have mentioned, it's a remarkable trait that active As hate to be alone and need a SO in their lives at all times (something I didn't expect but found as a common thread around here). Since they don't divert much energy into anything but drinking when they were in a relationship with you, because they didn't have to, they quickly find a way to put time into quickly filling the void of another person in their lives once you are gone. Amazing actually sometimes the level of effort and speed that goes into quickly being paired off to avoid having to face the damage that was done to break the relationship with you.

I don't wish ill upon my ex but I also wished she would channel her energy into a recovery program instead of just starting the cycle over with a new person. But finding a new partner (to try and forget/avoid their past mistakes and the depression of losing us) and continuing to drink (because it's what they do) is the easy way out and typically the path that is chosen.

In the end, when the dust settles, we always prevail.

I think it was about 6 months for my qualifier. I'm not absolutely sure but it was within a year. Sigh. It sure was humbling.

Big hug to you Rae. This stuff really is excrutiating.

Married her a week after we divorced...told the kids "when you left me I was lonely and she was nice to me, so I married her."

No responsibility there either, lol. ;) It was his kids' fault for moving with me. XAH moved on BEFORE we were done.

Hugs to you, I'm sorry. Mine also pays child support (though lies about his wages), and gives nothing at all extra regarding college plans, cars, insurance, etc. i figure they're the ones who will die facing what they've done and haven't done...and so will I--with pride.

I think the same thing. Often. :)

Married less than a year after I left. Is currently trying to have his child support obligation terminated.

I was with my ex for 10 years, we had 2 kids age 5 and 18 months
Within 2 weeks he had moved in with someone else, within 6 weeks she was pregnant and they were engaged. Within 3 months they were married, and she got all the fruits of the buisness I had helped him build up.
Had to fight him in the courts for child support, and his accountant helped him wriggle out of that.

It's very hard Rae, but it does get better. I really feel for you.

After I got over the rejection and the grieving, I counted myself lucky. I think it was only a few weeks after they married, that I first saw her with a black eye. So it seems she got all of the "benefits" of a relationship with him that I did.

My ex "started" dating someone within 12 hours :/

Something tells me he may have been cheating

Let's see...my X husband of 18 years...I kicked him out of our house in March. He was dating someone in May. Married her in January the next year.

I ALWAYS knew he would be like that, and actually cautioned my kids up front . I explained it like this b/c it's the truth. Some people just believe they cannot function on their own. They have to have a relationship at all times. They don't believe they can be on their own, and that is OK if that is what they need.

Sure enough....that is just what happened. I think by warning my kids ahead of time it did help them not be hurt by it.

My X is like a child and does NOTHING for himself, I mean absolutely nothing. I knew he would need a new mommy...that role was over for me thank God!

You know i told him when I left that he'll get a replacement. I knew it, our daughter knew it, but it still hurts.

My AXH was on and off with her about 2 years prior to our divorce. Still with her today. I heard that she is getting a divorce now, so maybe they will marry, who knows and who really cares. He has not introduced her to DD24 or DD22 yet as far as I know. Doesn't matter, I got the better deal because I no longer live with an addict.

Sending hugs Rae, I cried and cried over this, it hurt. But they say, this to shall pass and it does.

This is all a very good subject and read here. I know mine will be the same way. He is like was stated above, cannot live on his own and he needs a mommy. I am thankful to be fighting my way out of it. I am also sure she will pretend all is ok as I did for a little while until she cannot take it anymore. When I left my qualifier the first time and was 7.5 months pregnant he started dating a woman and told her within 3 days he wanted to marry her and have kids with her right away-who does that??? Anyways, I felt ok as I knew what I dealt with and how ashamed I felt of him being around with how he was and his past criminal record that came to light fast. It was embarrassing as he had no conscious about any of it. I can only imagine the feelings I will deal with when I know he has a new woman and is flaunting her about as he does. I love the comment above above about reaping all the benefits including the black eye.
Hugs and hugs and hold strong-you are out! Consider yourself VERY lucky.

Alcoholics seek out enablers ... just be glad your stint is over.

Mine was cheating before we split up, and continues to see one of those women now, off and on, I think, though he denies it. I'm sure he's had others as well in the time we've been separated, but no one steady yet.

I'm sorry, Rae... it really hurts, I know. Even when you knew it was going to happen, and even when you know in your head it's for the best... it still hurts. It just does, but it will get easier.

Hugs to you!

Rae-

Disclaimer: This is not how I felt when I was in the middle of things.

Reality: My husband had an affair that finally put the nail in the coffin so to speak. I was FINALLY able to put up some boundaries around the affair that I could not manage around the alcohol use in my marriage.

In reality though it was INCREDIBLY painful the affair was a blessing. He married his affair partner very soon after our divorce (within months). Though I ached and hurt when I heard about his new upcoming marriage it allowed the romance of "What if he finds recovery...." a little less place in my mind.

It helped to force me to keep the focus on me and my healing, and in the long run THAT has made all the difference.

This is my story as well. AXH married his affair choice, and they have lived miserably ever after. I always wondered the "what if he finds recovery" part as well, but many, many years later, he still hasn't and they are truly miserable. For a while that gave me satisfaction, but now I generally just feel sorry for them. And I'm happy to say I am long over him and the hellish pain of their affair. Time really does heal those wounds.