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I've come to the sad realization that pretty much everyone in my life right now respects my feelings and boundaries except for xabf.

Sad that the person who was supposed to be on my team and claimed to love me can so easily trample them and tell me to put them aside, probably because it's easier for him in the moment.

I'm at the point where I can find ways to continue to maintain them but I can see how I would have most likely acquiesced in the past and given in. I don't want to start thinking about how many times I most likely did that

Now that I've started to stand up for myself I feel like I'm having to do it all the time. Is this just because I've started to and it's not a habit yet? Will it always feel "this way"? Most people say OK and don't give what I want a second thought but the x seems to always be pushing and I don't like the way it feels

rae145

Sad that the person who was supposed to be on my team and claimed to love me can so easily trample them and tell me to put them aside


It is sad. I feel you. Standing up for yourself and him pushing back will just be a war of attrition in my opinion. Still makes me mad he's going on vacation with his new gf! You hang in there

healthyagain

I do not think that it is that unusual that he is the only one who does not respect your boundaries. I was thinking the other day. It is not really alcohol that was the issue. I did not care about the alcohol itself. It was his behavior that I thought was caused by alcohol. But it is not. It never was only alcohol. Persistent boundary violation requires no contact. There is no other cure.

LeeJane

I hear you and the exhaustion.

A' s seem to always have to push against something. Whatever you say, something in their distorted thinking will want the opposite. It's all about fight fight fight.

I also think is not just the alcohol, it is traits in them beneath the drinking.

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No contact is not an option right now or it would've been implemented months ago. It's tiring, I don't like how things have to get to such a sick place all the time. The old illusion is falling apart and I'm pretty sure he blames me for that which I suppose isn't untruthful. I couldn't live like that anymore. I never noticed how passive aggressive he was before. He's a grown adult that can't answer direct questions, sometimes stating that he doesn't have to, yet expects to be able to cross my boundaries. The hypocrisy from him was always infuriating. I can see where he gets it from so it's not surprising but doesn't make dealing with it any easier.

The realtor knows minimal contact and is willing to work with me on that, essentially willing to do twice the work to keep me feeling comfortable. I'm used to such crumbs from the ex that someone willing to do that for me almost feels like too much. It's so frustrating that he just doesn't get it. He has no "rights" to me but acts as though he does. The fact that I don't want to be alone with him should tell him volumes about his behavior but that would require introspection and an ability to accept fault. I fully understand now why it's important for me to enforce my boundaries and not expect others to respect them just because they exist.