Need Motivation
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Need Motivation
I am second guessing my decision of letting my alcoholic fiance go. I just started taking Cymbalta for my anxiety and its causing even more anxiety for me (I think its one of the side effects). I know for sure that he has been sober for the last month or so and even though my heart is screaming that I should give him another chance, my mind is constantly reminding me of how 1 month of sobriety means nothing. He is not undergoing any therapy, nor is he going to any AA meetings. My mind is racing, I feel torn. All day I kept reading up on medications such as Naltrexone and I am so tempted to send him the info. I just called him on facetime and cried for 45 minutes. I need motivation to listen to my mind and ignore my heart.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
hi there. the following is NOT medical advice, simply pasting in the stated side effects of Cymbalta as found on an Rx drug site:
Cymbalta (duloxetine) is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) used for treating depression, anxiety disorder, and pain associated with diabetic peripheral neuropathy or fibromyalgia. The most common side effects of Cymbalta are nausea, dry mouth, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, drowsiness, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, and dizziness. Some patients may experience withdrawal reactions such anxiety, nausea, nervousness, and insomnia.
since you feel that your anxiety is INCREASING, i can only urge you to contact your DR. i would NOT make any drastic life decisions right now. I would slow down, realize that NOTHING needs to be decided TODAY. but i would also ask myself.....should ONE person, ONE relationship make me feel THIS BAD? and if it does, why would i want to sign up for MORE?
are you still seeing the new guy?
Cymbalta (duloxetine) is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) used for treating depression, anxiety disorder, and pain associated with diabetic peripheral neuropathy or fibromyalgia. The most common side effects of Cymbalta are nausea, dry mouth, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, drowsiness, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, and dizziness. Some patients may experience withdrawal reactions such anxiety, nausea, nervousness, and insomnia.
since you feel that your anxiety is INCREASING, i can only urge you to contact your DR. i would NOT make any drastic life decisions right now. I would slow down, realize that NOTHING needs to be decided TODAY. but i would also ask myself.....should ONE person, ONE relationship make me feel THIS BAD? and if it does, why would i want to sign up for MORE?
are you still seeing the new guy?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
hi there. the following is NOT medical advice, simply pasting in the stated side effects of Cymbalta as found on an Rx drug site:
Cymbalta (duloxetine) is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) used for treating depression, anxiety disorder, and pain associated with diabetic peripheral neuropathy or fibromyalgia. The most common side effects of Cymbalta are nausea, dry mouth, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, drowsiness, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, and dizziness. Some patients may experience withdrawal reactions such anxiety, nausea, nervousness, and insomnia.
since you feel that your anxiety is INCREASING, i can only urge you to contact your DR. i would NOT make any drastic life decisions right now. I would slow down, realize that NOTHING needs to be decided TODAY. but i would also ask myself.....should ONE person, ONE relationship make me feel THIS BAD? and if it does, why would i want to sign up for MORE?
are you still seeing the new guy?
Cymbalta (duloxetine) is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) used for treating depression, anxiety disorder, and pain associated with diabetic peripheral neuropathy or fibromyalgia. The most common side effects of Cymbalta are nausea, dry mouth, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, drowsiness, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, and dizziness. Some patients may experience withdrawal reactions such anxiety, nausea, nervousness, and insomnia.
since you feel that your anxiety is INCREASING, i can only urge you to contact your DR. i would NOT make any drastic life decisions right now. I would slow down, realize that NOTHING needs to be decided TODAY. but i would also ask myself.....should ONE person, ONE relationship make me feel THIS BAD? and if it does, why would i want to sign up for MORE?
are you still seeing the new guy?
Still talking to that other guy. I don't proactively reach out to him. I talk only when he calls or texts. Its a good distraction but that's it for now. I don't want to get too close for him to see my vulnerable side. I am not ready.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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HopingforCure......if you haven't done this already---make a l ist of the worst things about the relationship (for you).....write the top 5 or so on a card...and keep it with you at all times. Read it every time you begin to doubt yourself....as many times as you need....
Also, go to the sticky called..."Classic Readings"......and read the one called "10 ways to know if your addict or alcoholic is full of crap".
The fact that he is not in any kind of treatment program would be a red flag, to me.
White knuckling can carry an alcoholic for a while...sometimes, for a good long while......but, when relapse does occur, it is generally even wore than before. Alcoholism is progressive....even when not drinking....
To maintain a genuine sobriety....it requires changes in thinking and attitude...changes from the inside out.....which is what the 12 steps address.
He doesn't know what he doesn't know. But, it is important for you to know what he doesn't, yet, know......
I suspect that much of what you are feeling is actually part of grieving. Ending any relationship that you were invested in is very painful for a number of months......
Because you are in (expected) pain....don't assume that it means that you have made a mistake....
dandylion
Also, go to the sticky called..."Classic Readings"......and read the one called "10 ways to know if your addict or alcoholic is full of crap".
The fact that he is not in any kind of treatment program would be a red flag, to me.
White knuckling can carry an alcoholic for a while...sometimes, for a good long while......but, when relapse does occur, it is generally even wore than before. Alcoholism is progressive....even when not drinking....
To maintain a genuine sobriety....it requires changes in thinking and attitude...changes from the inside out.....which is what the 12 steps address.
He doesn't know what he doesn't know. But, it is important for you to know what he doesn't, yet, know......
I suspect that much of what you are feeling is actually part of grieving. Ending any relationship that you were invested in is very painful for a number of months......
Because you are in (expected) pain....don't assume that it means that you have made a mistake....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
babe....if you are on the phone with your EX crying for 45 minutes over the demise of the relationship, you are NO way ready to be engaging with some new guy.............THEY can't fix you. not the ex, not the new shiny thing
only YOU can heal you.
only YOU can heal you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by dandylion
HopingforCure......if you haven't done this already---make a l ist of the worst things about the relationship (for you).....write the top 5 or so on a card...and keep it with you at all times. Read it every time you begin to doubt yourself....as many times as you need....
Also, go to the sticky called..."Classic Readings"......and read the one called "10 ways to know if your addict or alcoholic is full of crap".
The fact that he is not in any kind of treatment program would be a red flag, to me.
White knuckling can carry an alcoholic for a while...sometimes, for a good long while......but, when relapse does occur, it is generally even wore than before. Alcoholism is progressive....even when not drinking....
To maintain a genuine sobriety....it requires changes in thinking and attitude...changes from the inside out.....which is what the 12 steps address.
He doesn't know what he doesn't know. But, it is important for you to know what he doesn't, yet, know......
I suspect that much of what you are feeling is actually part of grieving. Ending any relationship that you were invested in is very painful for a number of months......
Because you are in (expected) pain....don't assume that it means that you have made a mistake....
dandylion
Also, go to the sticky called..."Classic Readings"......and read the one called "10 ways to know if your addict or alcoholic is full of crap".
The fact that he is not in any kind of treatment program would be a red flag, to me.
White knuckling can carry an alcoholic for a while...sometimes, for a good long while......but, when relapse does occur, it is generally even wore than before. Alcoholism is progressive....even when not drinking....
To maintain a genuine sobriety....it requires changes in thinking and attitude...changes from the inside out.....which is what the 12 steps address.
He doesn't know what he doesn't know. But, it is important for you to know what he doesn't, yet, know......
I suspect that much of what you are feeling is actually part of grieving. Ending any relationship that you were invested in is very painful for a number of months......
Because you are in (expected) pain....don't assume that it means that you have made a mistake....
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
babe....if you are on the phone with your EX crying for 45 minutes over the demise of the relationship, you are NO way ready to be engaging with some new guy.............THEY can't fix you. not the ex, not the new shiny thing
only YOU can heal you.
only YOU can heal you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
babe....if you are on the phone with your EX crying for 45 minutes over the demise of the relationship, you are NO way ready to be engaging with some new guy.............THEY can't fix you. not the ex, not the new shiny thing
only YOU can heal you.
only YOU can heal you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Years ago someone shared the story of monkeys and how they swing from one tree to the other, never letting go of the branch behind them until they have firmly grasped the one in front of them.
People often do the same with relationships. Much like the addict who can’t live without their booze/drugs codies often can’t live without a relationship because they lack the most important one of all – relationship with self.
Keep working on YOU just YOU all by yourself without toxic distractions.
People often do the same with relationships. Much like the addict who can’t live without their booze/drugs codies often can’t live without a relationship because they lack the most important one of all – relationship with self.
Keep working on YOU just YOU all by yourself without toxic distractions.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
It seems like there is a lot going on in your life and in your mind. First things first I would get in touch with your doctor and tell him or her about your anxiety worsening with the anti depressant. I am not a doctor, but I suffer from treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar type 2 disorder and a big red flag when switching to new medications is if your anxiety starts to worsen or if you start to feel suicidal. Those are two big indicators that a medicine is not the right match for you or your dosage is off.
Addicts and alcoholics make a lot of promises and very rarely do the work which is needed to prove that they are making life changes- I would know, I was a heroin addict for over 10 years and I am a loved one of a recovering addict. 1 month sober is nothing in the scheme of things and the fact that he doesn't follow a recovery program, is not in counseling, is making empty promises, and is just telling you what you want to hear are all things to take into account. Right now it seems like you would be best just focusing on yourself and working on getting to a place in your life where you don't feel you need someone else to feel secure or be happy. Taking a break from all relationships and focusing on yourself might end up being the best thing you ever did for yourself if you gave it a try.
Do you have a support system you can lean on in this difficult time? I have also found that keeping a journal helps keep me grounded and when I start to doubt something I can always go back and read how things used to be, how they are now, and how much farther I can go is I keep moving forward.
Addicts and alcoholics make a lot of promises and very rarely do the work which is needed to prove that they are making life changes- I would know, I was a heroin addict for over 10 years and I am a loved one of a recovering addict. 1 month sober is nothing in the scheme of things and the fact that he doesn't follow a recovery program, is not in counseling, is making empty promises, and is just telling you what you want to hear are all things to take into account. Right now it seems like you would be best just focusing on yourself and working on getting to a place in your life where you don't feel you need someone else to feel secure or be happy. Taking a break from all relationships and focusing on yourself might end up being the best thing you ever did for yourself if you gave it a try.
Do you have a support system you can lean on in this difficult time? I have also found that keeping a journal helps keep me grounded and when I start to doubt something I can always go back and read how things used to be, how they are now, and how much farther I can go is I keep moving forward.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Originally Posted by HopingForCure
He is not undergoing any therapy, nor is he going to any AA meetings.
The most important thing to remember is to take care of YOU first and if that means time alone then so be it. Learn to love yourself and love being with yourself.
All the best to you!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by AdelineRose
It seems like there is a lot going on in your life and in your mind. First things first I would get in touch with your doctor and tell him or her about your anxiety worsening with the anti depressant. I am not a doctor, but I suffer from treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar type 2 disorder and a big red flag when switching to new medications is if your anxiety starts to worsen or if you start to feel suicidal. Those are two big indicators that a medicine is not the right match for you or your dosage is off.
Addicts and alcoholics make a lot of promises and very rarely do the work which is needed to prove that they are making life changes- I would know, I was a heroin addict for over 10 years and I am a loved one of a recovering addict. 1 month sober is nothing in the scheme of things and the fact that he doesn't follow a recovery program, is not in counseling, is making empty promises, and is just telling you what you want to hear are all things to take into account. Right now it seems like you would be best just focusing on yourself and working on getting to a place in your life where you don't feel you need someone else to feel secure or be happy. Taking a break from all relationships and focusing on yourself might end up being the best thing you ever did for yourself if you gave it a try.
Do you have a support system you can lean on in this difficult time? I have also found that keeping a journal helps keep me grounded and when I start to doubt something I can always go back and read how things used to be, how they are now, and how much farther I can go is I keep moving forward.
Addicts and alcoholics make a lot of promises and very rarely do the work which is needed to prove that they are making life changes- I would know, I was a heroin addict for over 10 years and I am a loved one of a recovering addict. 1 month sober is nothing in the scheme of things and the fact that he doesn't follow a recovery program, is not in counseling, is making empty promises, and is just telling you what you want to hear are all things to take into account. Right now it seems like you would be best just focusing on yourself and working on getting to a place in your life where you don't feel you need someone else to feel secure or be happy. Taking a break from all relationships and focusing on yourself might end up being the best thing you ever did for yourself if you gave it a try.
Do you have a support system you can lean on in this difficult time? I have also found that keeping a journal helps keep me grounded and when I start to doubt something I can always go back and read how things used to be, how they are now, and how much farther I can go is I keep moving forward.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Hoping, we have ALL felt that way.
Recognizing, accepting and admitting your dependence is very, very important. In fact, some people call it Step One.
Recognizing, accepting and admitting your dependence is very, very important. In fact, some people call it Step One.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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Originally Posted by HopingForCure
I do have friends who are supportive but I sometimes think they do not understand why, why do I still love someone who caused me so much pain. I am trying my best but its getting so exhausting. I know I sound like a broken record and I am so sorry that I keep saying the same thing over and over again. I miss him so much. I am so emotionally dependent on him that until I dont talk to him on the phone, I am miserable. I dont know if any one else has ever felt this way about their alcoholic Ex's but this is getting very exhausting for me. Thank you so much for listening. Please keep me in your prayers
I used to make the resolution everyday: I will not call him and I will not shoot myself. If at the end of the day, I had accomplished those two goals, I called it a good day. Like you, I had lots of friends but no one who had been through breaking up with an addict/alcoholic.
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