Katchie

Things are so much better than they have been in years. I feel very blessed, I really do.

My move is being made piece meal and I'm loving it; I'm loving new and good memories being made.

Here's my but...I worry for my two adopted sons. My two biological sons seem to doing well and adjusting well. The other two not so much. I haven't spoken to my youngest since he turned 18 in May and any attempts I make to chat with him go ignored, unless he needs something from me and then back to his new normal of not talking with me. The other hasn't spoken to me since I moved out of the family home over a year ago. He "speaks" to me if I see him at a public event we all have to attend, but other than that he will turn his back on me as if I don't exist. He's good at putting up a show when others are around so they don't have to see the real him. He even went so far as to announce his dad, who he knows is a drunk and cause of our divorce, as his hero. It was disgusting the way he looked at me with a smirk after the announcer read it from the senior sheet he filled out. He knows how to hurt me and always seems to take great pleasure trying.

A few months ago I was informed by my ex that he suspicions the older adopted son is smoking pot in the home with some of his friends who (according to my two sons who haven't cut me off) are always over at my ex's house. Why he doesn't kick him out, I don't know. I'm seeing a dark road ahead for him and there isn't a thing I can do and my ex, even if by some shocker he tried, couldn't parent his way out of a wet paper bag if his life depended on it. Just do the freaking right thing for once!!!!!

I know the 3 C's, but it's really hard for me to apply them when it's about my sons. Sometimes I wonder if I had come out of denial earlier, would it have made a difference for them?

I am actively looking for a new alanon group to attend where I'm living now. I know that will help.

firebolt

I'm sorry Katchie, I wish I had words of wisdom.


Forgive yourself - life happens to everyone, and we can let it make us stronger and more well rounded. I know that a lot of people grow out of it - prayers he finds his way!

hopeful4

Hi Katchie,

You should not feel guilt, you did the best you could, for as long as you could. Life is a maze of trying to figure out what is best for families. It's not easy.

Your boys are going to see who their father is on their own time. There is nothing you can do about that. You can let them know that you love them and that you did the best you could. That is all they can ask.

I think divorce is hard, even for adult children. They want/need to blame someone, and a lot of times they just don't have enough information to form that conclusion.

Stay strong, in the end, they will see it.

Tight hugs!

AdelineRose

Adult children can be really hard to figure out. Since they aren't young children, really all you can do is do the best you can and the rest is up to them. With time they will most likely turn around, it seems like they are rebelling and just being difficult for one reason or another. None of us are perfect, and if they aren't willing to talk things out with you then all you can do is focus on what you can control and let them know if they ever want to talk then they can always reach you.

I am so happy you are enjoying making new memories and that life is in general going better then it has in a long time for you. Keep focusing on yourself and making your happy new memories.