Expanding

I stumbled across this article when googling "losing respect for alcoholic". The article was okay until I got to a line in there that bothered me and made me ever more grateful for this forum

"You can love your spouse better by learning how to help him or her better."

Really?

https://coachjackito.com/blog/alcoho...ship-mistakes/

endlesspatience

Have you looked at the picture of the writer and his wife on his home page? It doesn't inspire in me a conviction that this person has the keys to solving the world's relationship problems.

dandylion

Expanding......I see what you mean. I sincerely hope that he means----establish boundaries for yourself and GET OUT OF THE ALCOHOLIC'S WAY.....so that they get to feel the consequences (including hitting their bottom)...without your enabling..... ??
If that is what he means...he could have explained it a little better, I think.....

dandylion

Expanding

There's also an issue of wordplay here where someone who desperately wants to fix their relationship could understand this as, "I can love my partner better" where better equals sober... they could also end up walking away with some guilt because they're being told they're not loving their partner enough or as good as they could be. I don't know it just rubbed me the wrong way

dandylion

Expanding....I would bet the kids' milk money that he has never worked very much in the area of alcoholism......especially, with the families of alcoholics.....
The statements are too simplistic in their broad sweeping strokes.....
Much room for misinterpretation....

dandylion

SoloMio

NOTE: I haven't posted here for a long time, but I lurk often--hello, everyone.

I think Dandylion is spot on, because the previous points they made were quite good. I think what they should have said is that if you maintain boundaries, don't accept unacceptable behavior, take their alcoholism seriously as opposed to minimizing it, and refuse to wrap up the alcoholic in a blanket of codependency, you may, by the way, help them. Helping yourself first IS helping them, but that doesn't mean that if you "help" them before you help yourself things are going to get any better.

The only thing I took a little issue with in the article was with the counting bottles, examining receipts. I don't think that those of us living with alcoholics need to waste our time counting bottles. But maybe for some people that are doubting the seriousness of the situation, that might help bring clarity.