Hayfmr

She hates AA and refuses to participate.

hopeful4

Many who are bipolar do not take the meds they need, and are famous for self medication. It does not really matter the reason for addiction, she is an addict, and refuses to help herself. Nothing you, or your poor daughter, can do about that.

Tight hugs. I am so sorry.

Hayfmr

Sunday morning after the wedding we had a family breakfast. Of course AW was not invited. While we were gone she found where I had hidden the car keys and left. Found her hanging out in an empty rental unit we have and yup you guessed it drunk. I pointed out to her that her drinking caused all of this and her response is to go get drunk. As of this morning she is still there and I am loving the peace and quiet at home with out her crap. I am concerned about her but I cant change her so she is on her own. She has made her own choices and will have to live with the results because I have a meeting with the lawyer next week.

firebolt

Hang in there Hayfmr. Giving away half of the business you built might be cheaper than if you stick it out. You deserve better - so much better - same with your kids. You are doing the right thing!!

Sending you some peace - and I'm glad your home is quiet at the moment.

Hayfmr

I am trying to come up with creative ideas to pass her half thru to the kids.

theuncertainty

Hayfmr, do you think she'd be interested in letting the kids buy her out? Or possibly in gifting a part of her share as a wedding gift to DD? IDK. AXH would have jumped at the chance at money now (and reduced responsibility) rather than a steady income in the future...

Hayfmr

AW is still camping out at our rental unit and drinking. Somehow managed to hurt herself. I suspect she fell down the stairs but she wont tell me what it was.

Given what she has done you would thing she would seek out professional help and try to start recovering and repairing the damage she has caused. Nope she is more defiant than ever. When I walked out and would not talk to her she got mad at me. Why would I stay? Learned years ago that its a complete waste of time to try to talk reason to a drunk.

Bekindalways

Well, at least you have peace and quiet. Her current actions and situation can only add clarity and encouragement to the decision you are making.

Take care of yourself and your family and let us know how things go.

Hayfmr

She even wants a divorce now. That way she will be free to drink all she wants with no one watching her.

amy55

Ok, what is it that you want? I know that I was married so long that my mind was so messed up that I couldn't think of anything other then how we could stay together. What is it that you want?

((((hugs)))
amy

amy55

I wanted to say more in my last post because your were still here, but I thought you would sign off soon, so I kept it short.

I think back to what I was going through and I think what I wanted the most was validation. Not necessarily that I would be right, but I wanted to find a way to heal our family. I found out, I was only hurting it more. I realized later on not only was I hurting myself more, I was hurting my kids more, and I was actually hurting my ex more. See, I need him to show humility, and to change. In a way that is shaming someone. Sometimes that is too much to ask of a person. It shouldn't be, but it is.

I can also talk to you about the 180 someone can do and turn around and start to be the nicest parent the mother or father that they never knew, and somehow that person just appeared.

Again, how do you want to spend the rest of your life?

Always know, always here for you.

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
amy

Hayfmr

I want out and I will never again become involved with an addict.

amy55

OK, stupid question, how are you doing right now? I mean emotionally?

Have you talked to any attorney yet?

amy

Txjeepguy

By rental unit do you mean an apartment you own and rent out?

On the plus side it sounds like you have somewhere she can stay, away from you

Hayfmr

Yes we own some rental properties and she is staying in one of them.

I am loving not having her around but dreading the process that is about to begin. See the lawyer next week.

CentralOhioDad

It sounds like you're ready for then next step. Keep us posted.

COD

firebolt

Hey I hope you had a peaceful weekend, and hoping the best for your appointment this week.

Hayfmr

I just met with the lawyer and started the process. Feel just awful about it but I am out of options

dandylion

Hayfarmr....I don't think that there are very many people who say that they have filed for divorce and they feel so good about it......
I know of lots of people who filed and then came home and cried their eyes out, the first night.....even when it was the only option....
I think the tangible step is the very hardest part.......It makes it all so real...

I think you will feel less bad in a couple of days.....not great...but, able to just accept what has to be done.....

dandylion

firebolt

I know how hard it is when you end up at the outcome you never wanted.

I felt like my heart had been ripped out.

Then, everything started changing. I felt like myself again, the crazy person I had become faded, and life became good, peaceful, and happy.

I read over and over in here, that once it's all said and done, and despite some very, very normal grief, that it felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

We're here with you, and you did everything you could...and then some.