Don't want to hear Hubby Speak at meeting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: No where
Posts: 79
Thanks everyone. I must say I was quite upset with some answers but I asked for them. Then I read the quote in the ODAT book. "Listen and Learn - I pray that I may learn from listening -- whether or not I agree with what I hear". I do love that book!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 323
Chillgal- Do what is best FOR YOUR RECOVERY- because he certainly is going to put his recovery first. I like to hear my husband speak. But you are correct in that it can cause you to be upset. My husband says some things that to me are twisted or untrue. Or they bring back triggers when he is light hearted about something that caused me or the kids pain.The alcoholic to me has a twisted memory of his drinking - probably because he was drunk of course.
My husband still likes my support which frankly is less since the discovery of his affair. I only go to his birthday meeting now. The chapter 9 meeting just make me angry. dax
My husband still likes my support which frankly is less since the discovery of his affair. I only go to his birthday meeting now. The chapter 9 meeting just make me angry. dax
Last edited by dax; 09-30-2004 at 02:29 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
Quite frankly, if my husband wanted me to hear him speak at a meeting or just be at an AA meeting with him, I would not go. I do support him and am happy with what he is doing. But, I KNOW in my mind and heart that I am just not ready for that yet and that going or not is a personal decision. We each know where we are in our recovery and if you feel that you are not ready for this, then listen to yourself. Follow you own instincts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Looking for peace of mind
Posts: 11
OH my God, if my AH ever made it to AA, I would be so happy to hear him speak at a meeting, even knowing the past hurt me. What matters is the now, not the past. My AH is still in denial, and putting me through emotional and mental pain. But through my involvement with AA I am finding strength and hope that maybe I can be strong enough someday to show him there is a better way, I can only hope he will find his way to AA with me...and if not, it's okay too, right now I'm learning to be strong without him, and building strength inside just in case he doesn't make it to AA. Because right now, I'm through, through with the drinking and the games. I think you should go to hear your hubby speak, you might be really surprised at what your hubby has to say, and it may help you in more ways than you will ever know. I mean, what is the worse that can happen, he'll bring up something about the past that hurt you, but it'll be something you already knew. Then again, he may not even bring up anything that he knows might hurt you. He may share things that you never understood, and it may bring you more closer, and may enlighten you on how you see him or feel about him. Either way, look inside yourself for the answer, to go or stay, you'll know what to do if you let go and let God.
Good luck, and hugs.
Good luck, and hugs.
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Hey Chill - I can understand why you're nervious about it. Guess I'd just like to say I think it's incredibly healthy that your husband would invite you. I'm still very new in recovery, and I find it unbelievably difficult to talk about this with my own wife. Whether you decide to go or not (and I do understand your concern), it sounds to me like you husband has a lot of strength that I'm still searching for.
Best,
Joe
Best,
Joe
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 105
I have to be honest and let you know that I have read some of his "drunk-a-logs". They are not funny and they are not the whole truth. quote
What I am thinking is the old saying " Theres your side of the story and his side of the story." They are not the same. It could very well **** you off to hear him speak. Dont go if you dont want to.
I believe mine was drunk 24/7 just from the amount that he drank. 1/2 gallon a nite. Now how the heck does he really know what went on. He still insist that I never told him that he was ruining our marriage. I didnt scream or holler or jump up and down or anything like that. I just told him matter of fact every month or " I want you to know that you are killing my love for you. You are ruining our marriage"
His reply was about the same everytime "I will try to stop" Then he would go and drink until he passed out.
When I asked for a divorce he quit that day, went thru a program, which I refused to go to family nite or support him in any way. I didnt want any part of his life anymore.
What I am thinking is the old saying " Theres your side of the story and his side of the story." They are not the same. It could very well **** you off to hear him speak. Dont go if you dont want to.
I believe mine was drunk 24/7 just from the amount that he drank. 1/2 gallon a nite. Now how the heck does he really know what went on. He still insist that I never told him that he was ruining our marriage. I didnt scream or holler or jump up and down or anything like that. I just told him matter of fact every month or " I want you to know that you are killing my love for you. You are ruining our marriage"
His reply was about the same everytime "I will try to stop" Then he would go and drink until he passed out.
When I asked for a divorce he quit that day, went thru a program, which I refused to go to family nite or support him in any way. I didnt want any part of his life anymore.
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