LovelyKaya33333

Hi Guys,

So this morning I was feeling so sad and depressed... I missed my exAB so much... I could feel my heart pounding... I decided to text my step mom and dad and they were both home. I went over there crying my eyes out. Just the whole why did this happen feeling and totally sad. My dad consoled me for 30 min or so but than said he had to go to breakfast with a friend... I said ok I am going to go on a run... My dad then said "why don't you spend the afternoon with me"... That meant so much to me.... Anyway I went back to my dads house after I had went on a run and we talked for 4 hours. About love,life etc. He really heard me a listened. He let me cry. He assured me that he was fooled by my exAB as well and reassured me that I wasn't crazy in thinking that he loved me at one point ( we had all been on family vacations together) my father also said he is sorry for what happened and I didn't deserve it and everyone was blindsided ( not just me) ... I don't know why but this helped... He than asked me why I was still talking/texting him on ANY level... We went through the details of the demise of our relationships... How my exAB constantly told everyone (even my 8 year old god daughter) that we were going to get married...how he did every TEXTBOOK thing under the sun to show and say he loved me...that even my entire friend and family group thought "This was the one"... and than to have it end with his ex wife moving into the home I made cozy...I helped get...I had memories in is just beyond cruel... My father helped me to get angry again...I don't know if this is good....but I tend to have an overly forgiving heart and always allow people back in my life that shouldn't be.... Anyway today I reconnected with my anger and in some ways it felt really good....not sure if that makes sense... thank you for listening

Wells

It feels good to tell your close family what is happening. Your Dad sounds awesome. I think you will look back and see this as a huge turning point.

Trust your family. They will hear you and never steer you wrong!

LovelyKaya33333

Thank you Wells... This was a turning point on a lot of levels... My father and I have had a close relationship since I was about 20...I am 34 now...but growing up we weren't super close...I mean he was a good dad but admittedly pretty checked out. I had friends live with me at different stages of my life... My dad/step mom always said I brought home friends like most kids bring home stay dogs.... It was true... I would meet a friend at school..become super close with the friend for a few years and that friend always had family problems so my dad and step mom essentially would adopt them... It was fun at the time but looking back those friends were unstable and craved parenting... I was always the child thats was doing good in comparison to my drug addict friend or pregnant at 17 friend etc... my "teenage boyfriend breakups" were nothing compared to a drug addict etc. I would be out surfing ( I surfed for 15 years) and instead of my dad coming to the beach to watch me he would be in family therapy with a drug addict friend of mine. I would be angry but than feel guilty because "my friend" really had bigger issues... fast forward years later and that same friend ended up in jail for murder for her 4th DUI where she killed someone in a car crash.... That was the turning point where my dad (with tears in his eyes and I had never seen him cry) apologized to me for the lack of attention he gave me. I was 23 then. So today meant so so so so much to me when he didn't just do what a dad would do..( spend the obligatory 30 mins making sure I was ok) but actually asked me to come back and spent the whole day with me drinking coffee... sure we talked about my exAB but we also talked about...love, life, morals,politics, his divorce with my mom.... etc.. it felt really good ..

FeelingGreat

So happy you had that chat. Some people never get to that point with their parents, even when they're close. I'm sure your father valued it as well.

Expanding

Anger is one of the five stages of grief... denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance.

I found anger helped move me forward and it helps to talk with others about certain details of what happened. The A's in our lives manage down our expectations in such a way that we cannot see the forest thru the trees. We lose perspective on just how bad the situation is... I found that anger helped propel me forward and mentally shut the door on my ex. I still had bad days... days where I would bargain to the point of tears and self blame, but there was always that feeling of "it's over" in the back of my mind and that felt good! Sounds like you are moving forward

AnvilheadII

good for you for reaching out. we all need a support system, and it's good to know Dad is in your corner! don't be afraid to expand that support system!

expect that you will continue to cycle thru emotions.......highs, lows, nostalgia, feeling verklempt. don't be surprised or afraid of your feelings.....recognize them, acknowledge them, embrace them.

this link has two interesting charts regarding emotions...the first is the number of emotions that various "experts" believe we have - some theorize there are only TWO....but the second chart lists not only the primary feeling, but the secondary and tertiary emotions in that category. it can be really helpful to drill down into WHAT we are feeling.....and to give it a name......

Basic Emotions