Smell
 

Hi all, I have a long distance relationship. I have noticed for the past few months that whenever we meet, my other always has an odd smell about them all over their clothes, face, and hands. A bit in the mouth too. I don't drink alcohol, I despite it, but I do know what it smells like; every time I would get this idea in my mind that the smell had an 'alcohol smell'. Mostly intuition telling me this. The odor is a weak sweet smell and it can be smelled when one comes close to their body. Even my others jacket smells like it.

The other week ago when we met, my other tries to tell me they want to stop drinking, but that's all they could say; they struggled to say these few words, it took many minutes but I understand it is difficult. It was shocking.

I know my other enjoys drinking alcohol as I have seen in the past; in January I asked how much they drank when we were out at an event at night, and they told me casually, 6 cans including those cups too. Afterwards they bought a massive 'long one' or whatever those big cans are and gulped it down quickly.

Mainly my question is if I can smell this on my others clothes, is it sure they are drinking everyday and in large quantities? It is very concerning because I have a sibling who has been abusing drugs since the teenage years so I know this might turn into a bad situation. especially when my other is telling me they want to stop. I want to help.

That smell you can smell is the smell I came to hate smelling on my (ex)husband.

In my AXH case it was definitely the smell of alcoholism. I believe when the liver can't filter the amount of alcohol properly the body finds other ways of cleansing the alcohol from their systems and it often results in that smell that comes from their breath and their skin.

Good luck to you and your other.

That smell is so icky... I know what you mean... it's a sickly sweet kind of smell... you just know something is wrong

That smell was the biggest reason why I stopped sleeping in the bed with my ex. It was just too much. I agree I think it has to do with the liver failing and the body is trying to get rid of the alcohol via sweat. Even if he showered I could still smell it...

Yep that smell is seared into my memory banks.

I know the smell you mention. Even after showers, it stays. Also I notice it on towels or clothes used by AH. Bedding, too of course.

When he was quit for a while, it went. He smelt just like a normal man, a clean and rather pleasant smell.

To get that smell you have to be drinking significant quantities, but put that together with the other clues, like having a huge tolerance for alcohol and telling you he/she wants to stop, and you probably have an alcoholic on your hands.

Can I caution you against wanting to help? It's a natural instinct but doesn't work and you just end up driving yourself crazy and becoming a detective. If your OH wants to stop, as he/she says, they will take actions themselves. You can't love them into it.

Well and compassionately said, FeelingGreat.

I understand that ultimately it's up to the person themselves to help themselves. Like I said I already have a sibling that has been drug addict for years and well, no help from outside people has done or change anything yet. The person needs to want to change their addiction or abuse. However I am willing to give support and listen to them of course.

What I think is my other goes through periods of alcohol abuse, where they start and then stop for months at a time. But doing such can turn into alcoholism, so I think that's what they might be scared of, as well as having bouts of depression that makes them feel distressed. put those two together. Since I live away from them I don't know their drinking habits everyday, and when they come to see me they don't ever drink (besides that event I talked about).

Another thing my other gets terrible headaches when they come to my house. Then, a day after they have rested at my abode, they don't have headaches anymore. I always offer a tylenol but my other never takes it, so I massage their head instead. I think alcohol is causing those headaches (as well as stress).

thanks for the replies all :c011:

Ditto

Alpha,

You have come to the right place.

I suggest show them this website. Let them get educated on what is going on w their drinking. Be honest w them.

Great post.

Good for you in recognizing this isn't right. I was married to one for 22 years and it took me years to crawl out of denial.
Like others have posted, that smell will never leave my memory. When living with an alcoholic the smell will permeate the room where they sleep. I'll never forget the disgusting aroma that I swear became part of the walls, carpet, bedding -- everything!
Your other sounds like they are an alcoholic even tho your other can abstain for months at a time. Mine could abstain for a few months, but then, the alcoholic is very good at coving their tracks for a period, so who knows. Praise God I don't have to deal with that anymore!
Use what you've learned from your experience with your sibling.

"Another thing my other gets terrible headaches when they come to my house. Then, a day after they have rested at my abode, they don't have headaches anymore."

read like the hangovers I used to have.

Thanks so much for this post. I never understood what the smell was. I tried to explain it to AXGF but she seemed immune to it and didn't even realize she had that boozy smell not just on her breath, but that her skin, her body, just her presence, it smelled boozy when she drank.

She recently had a full physical and blood work and her liver tested out just fine. So nothing there to scare her I guess. So despite what someone said above about it being a liver problem, maybe that's not necessarily always the case.

I can totally relate to how it would smell up an entire room (the bedroom for example would smell boozy the next morning after she slept in there all night). The bed sheets would take on the smell too.

This would not happen every time she drank, but often, and especially on the heavy drinking days where it was a lot in a short period of time. She claimed to not be able to smell it on herself at all.

Fascinating.

My late husband and my XABF had that smell. I never knew what it was either, but when it happened, I had to sleep elsewhere. Both had liver problems so I'm not really sure if it's liver related or not. I'm just glad I don't have to smell it anymore.

Ketoacidosis is also a possibility. Fruity alcohol smell. I'm sure alcohol has a way to bring that on, too.

Yep, sickly sweet, sour, yep, yep, yep. And the drinkers/alcoholics really don't smell it on themselves, most of the time. Now that I am sober I notice it in a heartbeat. Or less.

And when we were drinking and tried everything to cover our breath (I used to suck on pennies. Seriously. Where did I get that from, the internet? Probably!) and most of the time, that never worked.

Definitely something I am glad to encounter very infrequently and never on myself.

I'm a firm believer in listening to ones intuition about these things. If something doesn't feel right, then there is usually something not right. Can't let fear mix up with intuition of course, which can happen. But if an individual can separate the two well, a great deal of sensing the world is unlocked.

So the person can't even smell it most of the time... That is very interesting. Fortunately the smell isn't so strong; for example, it doesn't linger after they walk around. and I can only smell if I get up close. It's no wonder they probably don't realize it. Doesn't even smell it themselves if it's so weak. But I think it's building up and can become like what the posters here talked about: smelling up the room.

The next time I see them, I am going to tell them what's up. It's very concerning.