Not surprised just feel hopeless
Not surprised just feel hopeless
He lied.
I just ordered my how al anon works book. Not sure if it'll be helpful I have to do something.
He's drinking beer apparently I should be glad it isn't vodka.
I said eff it I'll go to al anon and I will work on myself and deal with it until he either gets help or I walk away.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this.
I just ordered my how al anon works book. Not sure if it'll be helpful I have to do something.
He's drinking beer apparently I should be glad it isn't vodka.
I said eff it I'll go to al anon and I will work on myself and deal with it until he either gets help or I walk away.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this.
You ARE strong enough to do this. The strength is just there under your fear and your pain and your anger. Dig deep... I promise you can find the strength. When you realize just how strong you can be your life WILL come back in to control.
Wishing you peace.
*hugs*
Wishing you peace.
*hugs*
I keep saying I'm going to let him make up his own mind about treatment but it's easier said than done
How does your life look after that 30 days?
I'm not going to make him. It's just hard to not push him to do it. I know he has to do it on his own. I just keep repeating the "I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it" until I calm down so I don't flip out on him because that accomplishes nothing. I've only been to one Al anon meeting. im just impatient for progress.
This is a little lengthy, but it is the best explanation I've come
accross so far that illustrated to me in detail the extent
of the issues in recovery from alcoholism. It's huge, & before
I started my recovery seriously, I only saw the tip of the iceberg.
Until I let go of any thing whatsoever to do with AH's drinking,
and focused exclusively on my own recovery, I stayed stuck &
frustrated & angry & depressed. Never going back there again!!
Why is Recovery So Hard?
accross so far that illustrated to me in detail the extent
of the issues in recovery from alcoholism. It's huge, & before
I started my recovery seriously, I only saw the tip of the iceberg.
Until I let go of any thing whatsoever to do with AH's drinking,
and focused exclusively on my own recovery, I stayed stuck &
frustrated & angry & depressed. Never going back there again!!
Why is Recovery So Hard?
It is said....and, I have discovered this is true--by my own hard knocks---that a person never knows how strong they are until there is NO OTHER OPTION!
It doesn't really show up until the minute you are going to use it....It's not like you are walking around feeling all strong and mighty all day long.....sometimes you are actually shaking in your knees....
dandylion
It doesn't really show up until the minute you are going to use it....It's not like you are walking around feeling all strong and mighty all day long.....sometimes you are actually shaking in your knees....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,982
As long as you are strong enough to take the next baby step, you are strong enough. Ordering that book counts. Reading a page counts. Scheduling an Alanon meeting counts.
Keep at it and let us know how it goes!
Keep at it and let us know how it goes!
Going to al-anon is good if you work the program and allow it time so you understand it.
But really, what do your expectations look like regarding him going to treatment? Do you see that as the fix? Do you imagine a wonderful life where addiction will be way way in your rear view mirror and you both can move on with a happy life?
But really, what do your expectations look like regarding him going to treatment? Do you see that as the fix? Do you imagine a wonderful life where addiction will be way way in your rear view mirror and you both can move on with a happy life?
I've only been to one Al anon meeting. I'm just impatient for progress.
Going to Alanon is good if you work the program and allow it time so you understand it.
If I had a penny for every Alanon meeting I've been to where someone has mentioned that he/she came to Alanon thinking "well, I'll come here for a month or two, maybe 3, and by then I'll have a handle on everything I need to know and can quit wasting my Monday evenings", I would be a rich woman! Needless to say, the people who say that have been around considerably longer than a month or two, or even 3...
I don't know that it's necessary to be an Alanon lifer in order to be happy--I don't plan on it myself, but who knows? I do know that I want to remain committed to whatever will help me live the best life I possibly can, and whether that is Alanon, a church affiliation, SR, a combination of those things or something else I don't even know about yet, I hope to never lose the motivation to keep on working it. I want to be joyous, useful, centered and peaceful.
And that is going to take time and constant attention. And that's OK w/me.
The fact that you did the above, decided to work on your self AND you're prepared to walk away if he doesn't get help instead of making excuses for, covering for, denying what is happening proves you ARE strong! However that doesn't mean its easy. I know it may not feel like it but you're doing great! hugs
^^ Yep, what Katchie said. It doesn't happen over night, but you keep working on you, getting support for you, and taking care of you - and you will do whatever you need to do for YOU!!
also...
I LOL'ed - and am stealing this. I always wondered what that 'feeling' was called - HAHA!!
also...
He makes me feel stabby.
It use to be ME that thought things were better if he just drank beer vs the usual crown royal...lol...silly me! And of course, if he was showing off "look, I'm just drinking beer" the crown was most definitely tucked away in one of his million hiding places..again, silly me! I'm soooooo freaking glad that's all over!!
When my X left I literally had a whiskey bottle fall from the rafters in the garage. I also found them buried in the ground out back, in the toolboxes, all sorts of places. I was not looking as I had stopped that behavior, they just came up when I was looking for other things, and the one in the ground when I was digging up the ground for landscaping LOL.
The one from the rafters literally fell right out itself. When I divorced I went through my house to try and make sure I had everything of his out, including all that junk. I still find things of his now and then, but good grief hopefully no more cans or bottles!
The one from the rafters literally fell right out itself. When I divorced I went through my house to try and make sure I had everything of his out, including all that junk. I still find things of his now and then, but good grief hopefully no more cans or bottles!
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